Saturday, July 3, 2010
Saturday afternoon, 12:37 p.m.
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"Um, hello, I need to see a neurologist. I have seizures, caused by seeing red and blue flashing lights. So I need some sort of note saying that cops can't ever pull over a car that I'm driving, no matter what, because it would be bad for my health. It should be, like, something that should be in the police database so that all cops everywhere know that they can't pull me over. I also sometimes have seizures triggered by being near cops, and they need to know that, too. No one else will write these notes for me, and this is really urgent, so I need to get in right away, before my court date. Please call me back."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
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Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
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22 comments:
Wait, what?
Oooh...forensic neurology. This guy's obviously grasping at straws. However, it's made me curious. Have you ever been called to testify in court about neurological issues?
I can only imagine the litany of neurological disorders that could be used to mitigate some crimes. "The Seizure Defense". "The Alzheimer's Defense". Hmmmm....
Gen- Ive been asked to, but don't.
Unless it involves an already established patient of mine, I avoid all legal work. Too many hassles.
That'd be a fun one to test for.
So did you write the note?! It would have been first on my to-do list :)
Love your blog!
Nicole
Ah hahahahaha, ah hahahahaha, *snort, snort*, ah hahaha...
I don't usually care about this but this time seems appropriate: word verification-crud
There was a recent case in Chattanooga of a man who was arrested while trying to get his wife, who was having a stroke, into the hospital. The guy was speeding into the hospital, and the officer tried to arrest him as he was trying to get his wife into the door. Poor guy kept explaining how important it was to get her there within the magic window (he is an EMT) and the officer wrote the report saying that the guy charges him and scratched him with a finger nail and other BS.
Officer suspended. Man released and wife improved.
Wow. 10 points for originality, minus 10 for obvious desperation. ". . .before my court date. . ."
Yeah, the judge will believe THAT one.
That man has a disease we call incarceritis or jailitis. Could also be an allergy to stainless steel bracelets.
I can't imagine why no one else will write this for him - perhaps they are laughing so hard they can't write?
It's amazing how absurd the human race can be at times!
Seizures trigged when near a cop? He should've just stopped at the flashin red and blue lights bit. It ridiculous, but at the same time I kind of ive him props for creativeness lol
Dear Teacher,
I have seizures when I hold, look at or come close to a pencil or pen, therefore, you cannot give me a scantron test, nor will I be attending college as a result.
Signed,
Video Game addict who has seizures from flashing lights, which reminds me, I need to call a doctor about those red and blue flashing lights on cop cars....
LOL
I need one of those notes, too. While you have your pen out.
Entitled much?
I think you should write it and a copy to the licensing bureau as he shouldn't be driving with an ongoing issue of seizures.
After the guy and The Mother get their police note, I want one too. Can you also include other professions as well? Or will I need separate notes? You decide, and then let me know where to send a cheque.
Oh, another question: Are your credentials recognised in Australia? I guess it won't be a real problem until my court date. Then I will REALLY need the answer.
And by "court date", i mean, my case is up next :-)
::face:palm:: That one would SO get the "Of course sir! As soon as you can provide proof of living and driving in an area with no emergency services or police I'll be more than happy too. BTW how bad was that car wreck?" Oh wait!!
When he starts to say something, interrupt and say, "Oh dear! I've just thought of something else! We need to keep you away from any area where there might be Holiday lights! In fact, fireworks might set your seizures off as well." ::snicker::
verification word: phond - having an affection for evile plans
All good and well until he realizes that seizures is an automatic license revoke.
kapatica:ressisto
Well, my consulting fee will be 100,000$.....
This morning I was dispatched to a car, stopped at a red light with the engine running and in gear, in which the driver and his 2 passengers were all passed out cold. I may have been jumping to conclusions, but the overpowering smell of alcohol and pot inside the car seemed to tell the tale. Anyway, after we finally roused the driver from his slumber, he became very upset with me and demanded to know why I pulled him over. He wouldn't believe me when I told him I didn't. You just can't please some people!
The car WASN'T at drive-thru window? I'm shocked!
I really need to see you. I have seizures every year starting in February and sometimes lasting as long as April 15. This occurs every year. I need you to write me a note saying that I cannot file taxes anymore due to my health being at risk. Sometimes these seizures are triggered by reading the letters I.....R.....and S in unspaced proximity to each other. Just thinking these letters sometimes lkja.sdljknfoaiw did you see that i just had a seizure. Please write me back.
Also, your captcha just gave me a seizure do to excessive laughing. Considering I'm from the south, I had no trouble using it in a sentence:
Vabiner
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