Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sunday morning, 8:45 a.m.
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"Yeah, I'm a patient of Dr. Cortex, and his answering service told me to call you. I have migraines and am all out of pills and need something strong, like Demerol or Percocet or one of those other drugs, the really strong ones. I need some pain relief fast, because I have football tickets, and want to enjoy the game, and if I don't get some pain meds the tickets will be wasted and it will be all your fault and I'm going to complain to the medical board and bill you for the money lost on the tickets."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
Singing Foo!
Singing Foo!
Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Blog Archive
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2010
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January
(77)
- Sunday hot tub reading
- Dr. Grumpy's Rules, #1024
- Breaking Medical News
- My readers write
- Friday afternoon insanity
- Mystery solved
- Whatever
- Plumbing FAIL!
- Things that make me grumpy
- WTF were they thinking?
- Mary's Desk, January 27, 2010
- Go Away!
- A Little Help Here, Please
- The hits keep coming, folks
- Medication fun
- I'm Living in "Airplane"
- Strange things to find in the playroom, part 2
- Irrefutable logic
- Do you enjoy wasting time?
- Attention Dr. Pissy!
- Dénouement
- Sunday Morning, 4:05 a.m.
- On Call, Again. Live the Adventure
- Things that make me grumpy
- Mary's Desk, January 22, 2010
- Bwahahahahahaha!
- More hairs fall out
- Skool Nerse Time
- Circus is sounding really good now, too
- Mary, I'm running away to join the circus
- Maybe you should try Nicorette?
- More Helpful Notes
- Afternoon rounds
- Fun with patients
- Sucker!
- YOU! YES! YOU!
- Another bright part of my day
- Monday Morning
- Sunday Funday
- Elevator Stories
- Friday afternoon quiz
- But did he dress like a pimp?
- End of the day
- Drug Rep Lunch Quote
- Mary's Desk, January 14, 2010
- Shining Lights of Education
- Going in circles
- Things that make me grumpy
- The hip bone's connected to the...
- Missed the "calling with results" lecture, did we?
- Thanks for clearing that up.
- Scoreboard: Arizona: 51. Green Bay: 45. Patient: 0
- Today's Quiz
- Everything I ever learned about surviving being on...
- On Call Follies
- Nice Picture
- Mary's Desk, January 8, 2010
- To bleed is human...
- Allergy lists
- More from Mr. Lumbar
- Thursday patient quote
- Thursday morning, 2:05 a.m.
- Wednesday Afternoon Freakshow
- Things that make me grumpy
- That's kind of personal
- Whatever
- Scrubs Catalog- Part 3
- Scrubs Catalog- Part 2
- OMG!
- Scrubs Catalog- Part 1
- Sunday morning, 8:45 a.m.
- Sunday morning, 6:55 a.m.
- ABSOLUTELY FREE! Impress your neighbors! Be the fi...
- Bad Workout Endings
- Holy Ice, Batman!
- The bells, the bells, they torment me
- Happy New Year!
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January
(77)
26 comments:
You love your life. You really do.
Keep repeating it until the urge to kill subsides.
That always works for me.
This one needs a Wonderdrug for sure.
I'd prescribe Pez.
Where does one even start?? Sigh. No wonder so many health care workers hate their jobs.
I had a patient go on the local radio once to complain that I didn't go into the clinic on a Sunday and do an xray on her knee immediately after she got hammered and twisted it whilst stumbling around. (She was weight bearing and we were in the Arctic circle I might add...not exactly a medevac emergency).
She was really pissed when all I gave her for it was ibuprofen.
Nothing is better for a migraine than 60,000 screaming fans and some narcotics!
Some patients really bring out our inner Dr. House, don't they?
Yeah, 60,000 screaming fans, narcotics, and BEER. I imagine Dr. Grumpy now has the migraine.
Another addict FAIL. Nothing makes you want to whip out the narcotics pad like a threat to the medical board.
It's loontarians like that give migraine sufferers a bad rap.
So which did you call in? Demerol or the Percocets?
Hahahahaha!
Dr. Cortex owes you big time.
LD50 Rat
I would prescribe a strong bowel evacuant
When oh when is Dr. Cortex coming back???
I think that patient needs my mothers approach to illness. "If you are home sick, you are in bed with the lights off, no books or television. Or else you are at school or scrubbing the toilets".
do you ever want to call these pts back at 2am and ask them if they still want an appointment. Use a a pay as you go cell phone and not your reg Dr Grumpy cell, shut the phone off so they can't call you back.
Ignore until Monday or indefinitely.
Really? Oral Demerol for a migraine? That's like drinking Drano for a little constipation. I have a backup supply of Percocet in my cabinet for use ONLY if Midrin doesn't help when I get a migraine...I can't imagine Demerol!
Definitely time to start using some Dr. House methods, STAT. Skittles in a Demerol bottle work wonders, from what I hear....
Demerol works for pain? Could have fooled me. I snapped my leg in two, and all they gave me was some demerol. It did nothing for the pain. It made me less alert mentally, but I am not a fan of altered mental states. I do not understand why they don't have real pain medicine available when you REALLY hurt. If not, why can't they just put you to sleep? The only thing I can imagine is that doctors don't ever break their legs, or the would know you need something stronger than demerol, whatever that is.
And why would a drug addict ask for demerol? What am I missing here? It doesn't seem like the kind of drug that is fun to take. I certainly didn't have a good time the one time I had it.
Nice chip on your shoulder there Hey, You. Maybe you should go to medical school and show us how it's done! Or maybe instead of complaining in the good Dr Grumpy's comments you could do some online reading to educate yourself.
Emergency Doc
By all means, complain to the Medical Board, they will send you a free coupon for a season box ticket, asshole!
Wish I'd thought of that last time we had football tickets. I didn't have a headache, but the game sucked. Drugs would have made it better!
Hey You,
Not sure what drugs you are use to taking, but..... after having over 150+ broken bones or dislocations, demerol still knocks me on my butt at 25mg PO. I guess you have to NOT have a pain med tolerance for the Demerol to help.
An OB/Gyn once slapped me because I flinched during a pelvic -- he said, "Hold still, this doesn't hurt!" I kept wondering how he would know... and, of course, I never went back to him.
Hey You,
I kind of think maybe you are missing the point about addicts.
They are not taking the narcs for fun, but because they are addicted - and addiction is not fun.
I do see your point about the side effects though. Who wants nausea followed by constipation? :)
Now that's definitely the way to get what you want or need...threaten the provider!
Dr. Grumpy -- when other doctors take your calls, do your patients call them with such weird requests? Or is it just you?
Hey You - did you tell your doctors that the demerol was not relieving you're snapped in two broken leg bone pain? Did you ask for additional relief? From your post, I get the impression that you did not. For all their education, experience and skill, doctors are NOT mind readers (well, most of 'em ain't). Communication is a wonderful thing - even with the MDs treating your snapped leg bone.
As for why addicts would want to get their hands on demerol - a CII opioid - it's because demerol will get the addict high, High, HIGH! Just because it didn't get you off (or relieve your pain), that doesn't mean that it won't get junkies off.
@Classof65 - I hope you at least slapped the sumbitch back - better still, kicked him in the nuts.
I guess you have to NOT have a pain med tolerance for the Demerol to help.
MLee, I'm not used to taking drugs at all. That was my first experience with any narcotic. How in the heck could I have a pain med tolerance if I had never taken any before?
They are not taking the narcs for fun, but because they are addicted
Cheryl, if that were true, they would have no motivation to start taking them again once they are clean, and all we would have to do is get every addict clean once. Someone else on this blog is claiming that people get high on demerol. Whom should I believe?
did you tell your doctors that the demerol was not relieving you're snapped in two broken leg bone pain? Did you ask for additional relief?
Percodan, I don't recall ever talking to the ER doctor. I did tell the person who was giving me the shots (maybe she was the doc?) that I was still in enormous pain and needed more. She said she could not give me more. I asked her why not. She said, "because you would stop breathing." I might have asked, "and your point is?" At that point I wasn't too concerned about dying.
I did not know to ask for something different.
Is it reasonable to suppose that I, a person with no experience with narcotics and who was not thinking all that clearly because of the pain and the drugs, would know the magic words "I need a different drug, then"? Shouldn't the medical people have been able to synthesize "it's not working, I'm still in terrible pain" into "oh, something different is needed here." Maybe that is an unreasonable expectation on my part. Right, Emergency Doc?
Is it possible that an emergency room nurse made a decision without consulting the actual doctor? Did she have such a knee-jerk reaction to patients asking for more meds that her only answer is "no" regardless of the circumstances?
I used to support the war on drugs. Now I'm not so sure. It is interfering with pain relief for people who are in genuine pain. The ER gave me a prescription for more narcotics before I left, but because it was the middle of the night when they discharged me, they told me I could not get them filled, even at an all-night pharmacy, that I would have to wait until regular business hours. So I spent the rest of the night in severe pain because we're so afraid of giving a few pills to someone who might be an addict?
That's not right, and there's nothing I can do about it. To hell with the addicts. Better to look after the rest of us first.
I agree with the person above: the addicts make life hell for us real migraineurs. I asked my neuro what to do when I had to call the on-call doctor. He said lead with "No, I'm not asking for narcotics, I'd be fine with Toradol or anything else that will break the immediate pain cycle."
It's really rough getting treatment when you've got the "Drug-Seeker" light flashing above your head.
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