Saturday, May 2, 2009

On Call, and HATING IT!!!

I'm on hospital call this weekend, and I hate it.

I only do this one weekend per month, and it's the most miserable 63 hours of existence. After 10 years you'd think I'd be used to it, but I hate it even more now.

Yes, I am whining. I suppose I should be grateful for a job, etc., etc., etc.

My practice has reached a point where I don't really need to take hospital call for other neurologists, but I do it for 3 reasons:

1. Habit.
2. Money.
3. To get material for my blog.

Anyway, while driving in this morning, I thought of the old Weird Al Yankovic song "One More Minute", and how well it sums up my feelings about hospital call. So, with apologies to Weird Al, here are the slightly modified pertinent verses.

'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute on call

'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute on call

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than listen to my damn cell phone ring again
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute on call

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on to a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute on call

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die...
Than spend one more minute on call.

I wanted to embed the youtube video of the song, but due to copyright issues the embedding code has been turned off. But here's a link.


Filet-o-bitch RPh said...

jesus, you are grumpy. welcome to our world! yeah! a compadre!

Kim said...

Oh come on. How do you really feel?

pharmer said...

heres one that pharmacists and grumpy md can relate to. it is 8:01am and your pharmacy JUST opened at 8:00

shit for brains: "hi this is shit for brains. did dr. grumpy call in my script?"

me pharmacist: " well we just opened one minute ago and our computers just got turned on I have five prescriptions on my voice mail i have to get. it is probably on my voicemail..please call back in one half hour to see if i have it"

shit for brains: " oh..its not done "

me pharmacist "no i just opened"

shit for brains "oh, i have to wait and call back in a half hour"

me pharmacist "yes"

shit for brains "why isnt it done?"

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