Monday, November 5, 2012

Working on commission

Commission Guy: "Can I help you, sir?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I need a new iPhone case, one with a belt clip. Mine wore out and broke."

Commission Guy: "I can help you with that. You want one that lights up when you're talking?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No. Don't get me started on that."

Commission Guy: "All right, how about this one. It's on sale!"

Dr. Grumpy: "It's kind of thick... Not sure I need that."

Commission Guy: "It's a great deal, though! Normally $289, this week only $199!"

Dr. Grumpy: "ONLY $199? Uh, no, I just need something to protect it from scratches and stuff, like this $15 one here. Hey, do you have this kind in black? And with a belt clip?"

Commission Guy: "Yeah, but that won't protect your iPhone. You just said your last case broke. You need something sturdier."

Dr. Grumpy: "Maybe, but I'm not paying $199 for an iPhone case."

Commission Guy: "Your phone could get wet or dropped or something. Look at this case as an investment."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, I'm taking this one for $15 and going to check out. Thank you."

Commission Guy: "Wait! This $199 case is a great deal! It's bullet proof!"

Dr. Grumpy: "BULLET PROOF?"

Commission Guy: "Well, against a small caliber handgun, I mean. Couldn't you use that in an iPhone case?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I wear my phone on the right side of my belt. So, yes, if I'm worried about someone sneaking up and shooting me in the right hip I suppose it's useful. But I think I'll take my chances with the $15 case."

Commission Guy: "But..."

Dr. Grumpy: "Besides, if someone is shooting at me, the safety of my iPhone is the least of my worries."

I left and went to another store, where I got a cheap case. Upon getting home my curiosity got the best of me, and I looked online. The only bullet proof iPhone case I found was $650, and didn't look anything like what he was trying to sell me.

And then I had these visions of Linda Carter, in a 1977 Wonder Woman outfit, using an iPhone instead of her magic bracelets to deflect bullets while fighting bad guys.


24 comments:

shannancy said...

I am so happy I don't work on commission.

Anonymous said...

Loved the "lights up when you're talking"-reference!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...what do you suppose the Flash uses? Since the iPhone doesn't run with Flash. ?

Don said...

I don't have the personality to be able to work on commission, and in fact have always shunned sales work.
I am much happier to be moving electrons around the screen with my mouse, and writing up the engineers and designers when they make a misteak...
Now, as a design checker, I can indulge my penchant for irritability and get paid for it. Life is good!

Charles said...

Obviously this salesman didn't know his target market - he should have said this case keeps the "crazies" away and you would have paid anything for that! Now would you have doc? (as a gift for Mary - she might need that more than you)

Anonymous said...

only a guy will get wonder woman /linda carter flash back from i phone bullet proof case google....

Grumpy, M.D. said...

No, it's from watching Wonder Woman when I was growing up.

Li'l Azathoth said...

If the dispute between Apple and Google over Android keeps heating up, you may soon find yourself needing to protect your iPhone from armed Google gangs who'll try to destroy it. Don't think you can hide from them...

Anonymous said...

He should have addressed his sales pitch to Siri, and then she would have nagged you until you finally gave in and bought it just to shut her up.

ronstew said...

Ahhhhhh. Linda Carter.........

Phil said...

Why don't you just shop online? Between major retailers (Amazon, Newegg) and smaller reputable shops (Meritline, Monoprice) I don't think there's much reason to shop brick & mortar anymore.

Packer said...

You were about 14 when watching Wonder Woman, weren't you ?

The best I phone case is called a shirt pocket.

Ms. Donna said...

The light-up case would drive business to you Neuro-Yak herders.

Now, who would be shooting at Dr. Ibee? Maybe Annie or Mary, but I suspect they have better and legally safer ways to screw up his day.

From the comment, I guess the new case is not black? Hot pink? Migrane-red?

Ivan Ilyich said...

Always carry your iPhone where it will protect you from gunfire:

http://appadvice.com/appnn/2012/02/an-iphone-takes-a-bullet-and-saves-its-owners-life

Anonymous said...

This sounds like the content of a man's dream in which he is half asleep and half-awake, trying to come to sensible rationalization. What else did you purchase, Dr. G, that you didn't tell Mrs. G. about? (That you saved her $635.00?

Anonymous said...

TROOPER STRUCK BY PICKUP WHILE DIRECTING TRAFFIC

By Kitsap Sun staff
Published Friday, November 2, 2012
NORTH MASON — A state trooper sustained minor injuries when he was hit by a pickup truck while directing traffic around a collision at about 4 p.m. Friday on Highway 300 near the Union River.

The trooper sustained scrapes and cuts to his arms and hands, and could've been hurt worse had the Dodge not hit his gun and holster.

***This headline could've read: Yak Herder saved by bullet from artisanal iPhone case until wife found out cost!

Anonymous said...

Now TOILET PROOF may have been a far better sales pitch. Far more phones have drowned than been shot!(Packer @ 11:09, beware of that shirt pocket of yours! Shirt pockets and cell phones are a bad combination in the vicinity of a loo!)

Grace said...

My husband finally bought an I-Phone (he always had a Crackberry). Since he works in construction he bought an Otter case for his phone. The 2nd day he had the phone, he lost it. He retraced where we'd been and finally found it laying in a roadway in front of a Safeway store, in pouring down rain. The Otter case protected it .... but we did put the phone in a bowl of uncooked rice for about 2 hours and it still works perfectly. We still have fun asking Suri "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood". We get a different reply every time.

Ivan Ilyich said...

No wonder Suri is confused. It's "would," not "could."

Siri said...

It's Siri, not Suri, people!

Suri is TomKat's daughter.

Can't a computer program get a little respect? Maybe I should listen to my uncle HAL.

Wendy said...

Bring a small caliber gun to the store and tell the guy you'll buy the thing if it stops the bullet. While he is has it clipped on his belt.

Anonymous said...

Guess there's a market for just about everything these days. Too much STUFF in our lives.

Anonymous said...

Dr G - I'm hijacking your line becuase of story from inaneville shared by friend last night...

you can edit/shorten/share or not, but here goes...

after rescuing stray cat, and leaving him at local/cheap vet for weekend to be, a-hum, fixed, he returned the favor by spreading some near lethal URI to three other cats in her house after she picked him up. One geriatric fellow, Danny, could have his own cat adventure blog, but that is another rant. After three "regular" vet trips x 3 cats, with IV fluids, respiratory treatments, IV abx, they were discharge with oral abx.
now the real story...

friend takes cat script, from vet, for liquid oral abx to local big box / chain pharmacy store
pharm clerk: I need a birthdate.
MaD Catter: This is for my cats, you can see the script is from my vet.
pharm clerk: I have to have a birthdate. how many cats is this for?
Mad Catter: (with some insight) mine
pharm clerk: not whos, oh ah, i still need ONE birthdate
(replay three more times)
Mad Catter: Jan 1 , 1940
pharm clerk: thank you (not blinking at cat age)

fast forward to pick up

pharm clerk #2: I need you to sign this HIPPA form...
Mad Catter: it is for MY CATS
Pharm clerk #2: I still need you to sign, as HIPPA is a national..
Mad Catter: *)&*)(* HIPPA does NOT apply to animals,no matter how much smarter they may be compared to SOME PEOPLE
Pharm Clerk #2: please sign here..
Mad Catter: argh (and signs)

:)

Anonymous said...

I had an eyeglasses saleslady try to hard sell me on sunglasses using "Britney Spears wears this style!" as a last ditch effort. That was shortly before I started getting an Rx and then ordering online.

 
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