Dr. Grumpy: "You mean thrombosis?"
Mr. Webster: "Whatever."
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday afternoon whatever
Dr. Grumpy: "You mean thrombosis?"
Mr. Webster: "Whatever."
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Mr. Webster: "My mother died of coronary trombones."
Dr. Grumpy: "You mean thrombosis?"
Mr. Webster: "Whatever."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Dr. Grumpy: "You mean thrombosis?"
Mr. Webster: "Whatever."
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
Singing Foo!
Singing Foo!
Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
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20 comments:
Patient: "I have gastro-feces."
Doc: "You mean gastroparesis?"
Patient: "Yeah, that."
Almost as good as the folks down in Mobile, Al.
Woman told the resident that her son was suffering from "spi'tomighty Jesus"
When the resident asked her to describe his symptoms she told the resident, well he gots a fevah, stiff neck, you know, spi'tomighty Jesus...
The resident finally realized she was describing Spinal Meningitis.
I LIKE the diagnosis of coronary trombones. In fact, it beats heavenly trumpets any day. Think of it - there could be a whole symphony (or rock band) of new diagnoses: tympanii tympanum (when the ped refuses to give ATBs for ear infections), piccolo Parkinson's - for that tiny shuffle gait, and well, devise your own...
Alf Wight MRCVS, alias James Herriot, wrote about an incident where he was filling in for another vet who was on holiday. The receptionist had written down in the appointment book "Mr Johnson, 12 Back Lane. Smiling Harry Syphilis." When he got to the place, he found a pig with swine erysipelas...
76 Trombones led the big parade ...
Wow! Another brilliant idea for a cartoon! Damn, sometimes I wish I weren't dead!
Parasitic Flutes, or flukes...
Damn band instruments anyway!!!
Like the trainee transcriptionist who described the patient has having a stroke in their central Seminole valley. (The rest of us hear that as "centrum semiovale.")
Were they playing "When the saints going marching in"?
----------------
Reminds me of:
"Smilin' Mighty Jesus (as mentioned above)
And either Ukranian Fireballs or Fireballs of the Eucharist (Uterine Fibroids)
And "He's got weasels in his chest and is chokin' on his flames"
Aw, someone beat me to the 76 trombones line. Which is clearly how many she had.
A friend of mine says I have werewolf disease. You know, Lupus.
Man I never hear the fun ones. I always get asked if I have anything to help people's "sugars" if they are waiting.
Sugars being the diabeetus of course.
Well, valves can be involved in both . . .
I remember one of our residents with Alzheimer's telling us she had old timers disease and another one said it was a "touch of the dementias"
Gastric noises could be either wind or tympani instruments. And I have heard someCOPD chests that sound like the whole damn orchestra is tuning up - course the patientdoesn't feel too good!
I have heard some lovely "organ recitals" in the hospital cafeteria.
And there are a whole medley of "fine patient whines" to be served while enjoying the concert, if you'd like some refreshment!
A vet one again - we had a message from the receptionist at our clinic saying a client had called wanting to discuss a "youth in asia". Upon calling the client it turned out he wanted to discuss having his pet put to sleep (euthanasia).
I've seen medical secretary transcriptions for "flea bite, his left leg" (Phlebitis, left leg) and "Euston Tube Station malfunction" (Eustachian Tube malfunction)
My mother almost died of auditory trombones--from the kid who lived behind us whose OWN mother couldn't stand the sound and made him practice outdoors!
We has a patient who wanted a cardiac ointment. In reality a cardiac appointment.
I made second chair thrombosis in eighth grade.
AEK,
You are letting your imagination run wild....control yourself!
I should think that forehead fagotti would send anyone straight to hell.
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