Friday, April 20, 2012


Medical marketing surveys usually ask, at the end, if I have any recommendations to improve them. But last night I took one that had the question on every freakin' page!

So I was faced with things like this:

(click to enlarge)

I mean, it's a pretty basic question, not some bizarre doublespeak. So let's try to think of ways to improve it:

"Oh great and exalted one, in which medical specialties do you practice?"

"Look, asshole, what kind of doctor are you?"

"Even if you're really a yak herder, what are you pretending to be?"

"Does this medical specialty make my butt look fat?"

"You're still practicing? After 15 years you still aren't good at it?"

Master Yoda: "Which medical specialties practice do you?"


Julie said...

well my answer (in the 'extra question' box) would have been "don't ask me this question" ...

Li'l Azathoth said...

Use a Gothic Blackletter font and a bunch of umlauts. Much more metal.

Anonymous said...

Or, "What's your 'ology?"

Anonymous said...

Maybe they could make the question more detailed:

(a) In what medical specialties does your business card/office door say you practice?

(b) In what medical specialties do you half-assedly practice when your patients show up and ask questions completely unrelated to your official specialties because it's easier to get in to see you than to get in to see the other kind of doctor?

(c) In what medical specialties do you admit to practicing at dinner parties when you can tell another guest is just dying to get free professional advice?

(d) In what medical specialties are you willing to try to practice if you are on a plane and a flight attendant starts shouting "Is anyone here a doctor?" and it turns out everybody else on the flight is with some high school's senior trip?

(e) In what medical specialties would you practice if you could go back to your 4th year of med school and do it all over again?

Anonymous said...

"Oh great and exalted one, in which medical specialties do you practice?"

Yep. Grumpy has his doctor on. My mother, the retired RN was right.

Billy Bob Trailer said...

"What kind of doctor is y'all?"

Jonah said...

Yeah, but if your specialty wasn't on the list of answers, you'd have a very definite opinion about how the question should be changed.

Andrew_M_Garland said...

Pictures of Playboy centerfolds would add interest to each question page, and add an incentive to view and answer all of the questions.

Aeris said...

Your questions made my day.

Anonymous said...

Maybe they should just draw outlines of a man and a woman, and get you to sketch in, or circle, the area/s you specialize in? That could be fun.

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