Friday, May 27, 2011

Today's helpful hint: Finding a doctor


People often ask me "How do I find a good doctor?"

That's a tough question, and it can be tricky. So here are a few tips to warn you that your doctor may not be real. Any one of these (not to mention ALL of them, FFS) should alert you to look for another doctor.


1. A reputable physician's sole listing will likely NOT be in a Bulgarian language newspaper in Skokie, Illinois.

2. A reputable physician generally will NOT be seeing office patients at 6:30 on a Saturday night.

3. A reputable physician will NOT wait for you, alone, in a dark, locked, building with a "CLOSED" sign in the window.

4. A reputable physcian will NOT let you knock for a while before letting you in himself.

5. A reputable physician will NOT stick toothpicks in your chest.

6. A reputable physician will NOT give you a bottle of pills labeled "Prosperous Farmer" that expired in 2002 (or anything called that, no matter when it expired!)

7. A reputable physician will ALWAYS have some sort of office paperwork.

8. A reputable physician will NOT jump into his car and try to drive away when you return for a follow-up visit.


If your physician does this, and you paid $150 cash for it, then you must have been seeing this guy.

And, for the record, I think it's absolutely pathetic that the patient involved didn't see a problem with items #1-6.

19 comments:

Chrysalis Angel said...

I'm shaking my head. I can't even find words for this.

Anonymous said...

for a minute there, i thought that's from theonion.com

Seth Hanisek said...

To be fair, toothpicks ARE just as effective as 'real' acupuncture: http://bit.ly/j3YrJx

Object lesson: Go to a real medical doctor, not an acupuncturist.

Packer said...

I am so happy that I sent the article to Grumpy, but I am not sure about Grumpy's opinion that a real accupunturist does not stick toothpicks in your chest. There is a high cringe factor in all this. Have a good holiday.

ERP said...

Dude. Prosperous Farmer is the best!!!! Don't be a hater!!

occhiblu said...

I would rather assume (perhaps incorrectly) that someone reading a Bulgarian-language newspaper might not have the best grasp of American medical customs. I'm not sure that blaming the patient makes all that much sense here.

PA Honeybee said...

I agree that it is pathetic, but if the patient was a foreigner new to this country, then I could see hwo this could happen. However, the whole scenario should seem really odd to anyone. I sure as hell would not be giving this guy a shot at treating me!

pharmacy chick said...

wow. Thats a lot of FAIL on a lot of levels.

pharmacy chick said...

You suppose that is better than being a mongolian Yak Herder posing as a neurologist blogger? LOL

OldSquid said...

Reminds me of:

"A good case of smallpox may rid the system of more scrofulous, tubercular, syphilitic and other poisons than could otherwise be eliminated in a lifetime. Therefore, smallpox is certainly to be preferred to vaccination. The one means elimination of chronic disease, the other the making of it..."


-Harry Riley Spitler, Basic Naturopathy: a textbook (American Naturopathic Association, Inc., 1948)

a.generic doc said...

I'm not sure if number 8 should be on the list. After reading about some of your patients, I would be very tempted to jump in my car and drive away if they showed up again.

Anonymous said...

When I first came to this town, I respected the ICU pulmonlogist and he was accepting new patients, so I was very happy while he was my doctor, but then he soon left his practice to become president of the group, I had to find a new one.

A friend advised a doctor that specialized in alternative medicine, thinking I'd be interested in someone that focused on diet, exercise, and proper amounts of rest and relaxation.

I made the appointment and showed up. What first freaked me out was the handmade sheets of paper he had in the waiting area touting natural products, vitamins and something like EDTA chelation therapy.

I was not impressed with the office help. She certainly did not look as if she knew or cared about anything in the medical field, rather like a local high school babysitter that fit showing up at the office into her schedule.

Then, during an exam, the doctor left me on lying on the exam table for a few minutes (well-covered) to take care of some business.

The table looked ss it had been a hand-upholsterd purchase from an antique auction. I looked around, and it seemed as if the doctor's license used a slightly different name than the one I'd made the appointment.

The doctor had left the door slightly ajar and a salesman (or maybe the plumber) passed by the room and met my eyes.

I hopped off the table to shut the door, and decided to poke around a bit. The first cabinet I opened, was filled with 500 count bottles of ibuprofen 800 mg.

I thought, 'is he competing with pharmacists over ibuprofen; does he give this to patients, or put a few in prescription bottle for his patients or give them the whole bottle, and what kind of labeling?' knowing it's against the law in this state for docs to dispense out of their offices. I decided to dress and leave at this point, as I wasn't interested in anything he might have to say.

Well, I don't think this particular MD works around here anymore. I see his advertisements for a pain clinic in the big town 60 miles south, and wonder about his patients.

Jess said...

The strange thing is that many people don't want a good doctor, who will tell them to buy an over the counter remedy, go home, get some rest and take better care of their health.

Moose said...

Reminds me of the tales of men posing as doctors who go to women's homes to "perform a breast exam."

The gullibility and lack of common sense in the human race never fails to amuse me.

(We're much smarter on MY planet.)

Packer said...

http://www.bonanza.com/booths/abundanthealth/items/Prosperous_Farmer_300_tabs_by_Kan_Herbs

Viagra equivalent no doubt.

Nyllrap said...

I just love your posts, Dr. Grumpy! I always look forward to reading them. As someone who has a bipolar brother and sister who both drive me NUTS, why are they being treated by a psychiatrist and not a neurologist? Is there a strict division between what these two specialists treat?

Anonymous said...

Too bad he didn't have a swastika somewhere in his "office. Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis.

Judy in Indiana said...

I think there have been times that you wanted to hop in your car and drive away when certain patients came in for a follow up visit. The difference may be that while you might like to do this, you don't acually do it.

Anonymous said...

What if your neurologist has a reflex hammer that looks like the one in the image?

 
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