Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Aaaaaauuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Grumpy: "Any other questions?"

Mr. Oldguy: "Yeah." (reaches into coat, pulls out plastic bag with a bunch of white powdery stuff in it) "What do you think of this?"

Dr. Grumpy: (thinking: cocaine? talcum? dandruff?) "Uh, it looks some sort of white powder..."

Mr. Oldguy: "I scrapped it off the bottom of my foot this morning."

46 comments:

Old MD Girl said...

Well, if he DID scrape cocaine off the bottom of his foot, that's some lucrative business he could start up, is all I'm saying.

Otherwise..... ew.

Anonymous said...

Cat-like yarking sounds in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

Jenn in GR said...

Seriously, you do NOT get paid enough. ew.

Maha said...

Oh barf! I will never know why people feel its necessary to collect their 'sheddings' in plastic bags and ziplock containers to show us!

Albinoblackbear said...

I second your post title.

And I present to you the honor of holding "grossest-sample-brought-in-by-patient" story.

That is a big honor, coming from a former triage nurse who still gets a PTSD response to the sight of a cottage cheese container (why do they always put bodily samples in COTTAGE CHEESE CONTAINERS???)

CrownedwithVictory said...

This one post is seriously making me reconsider nursing school.

Anonymous said...

What did you say after he said that to you?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

"Thank you for coming in today."

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you made it to this age and no one has ever taught you how to use lotion?!?

Desiree said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

jimbo26 said...

Reminds me of when I was in the Royal Air Force ( many years ago ) doing photographic work , and the instructor said " NEVER smell to see what`s in the chemical bottles " .

Anonymous said...

Well, I have been looking for a new hobby.

Anonymous said...

At this point you might as well start billing for psychiatric tx too

Hildy said...

Seems like most of your readers are in the medical profession in some way. So the general "eewww" reaction strikes me as odd because I would think the ONE thing you don't want to be if you go into medicine is squeamish. Sounds counterproductive, a bit like becoming a high-wire artist with acrophobia, no?

pam44 said...

If he scraped it out of the hole in his head it might be interesting.

Old MD Girl said...

Hildy, Last I heard they don't perform a cranial nerve IX/X-ectomy upon admission to med school. Gross is gross. Don't tell me you're the kind of patient who brings in random stool samples to the dermatologist?

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, the correct answer is anthrax. Yup... Anthrax."

Frantic Pharmacist said...

I don't know why you didn't rush it back to your in-house lab.....P.S. love the "karma" twitter post!

shrtstormtrooper said...

That. is. disgusting. Heeuuughh so gross. At least it didn't include toenails though.

And Hildy, everyone has something (or somethings) that grosses them out. Foot scrapings are included on everyone's list, I would think.

Unchained Pharmacist said...

I guess a doctor is a doctor is a doctor.

Sorry, I just can't resist :)

Cthulhu Sashimi said...

"Do you think it's more Space Mountain white or Matterhorn white? I've been building my grandson a scale model of Disneyland out of my bodily secretions."

Jo said...

If ever there was a time for some artisan spew...

lightning said...

Foot scrapings? *So* not your department, unless he's built upside down.

kate said...

And THAT is why I'm not a nurse.

Watercolor said...

Mani/pedi's in the lobby!!

pharmacy chick said...

Had a customer once bring me a mason jar with hair in it...and LICE...he wanted to be sure it was lice...and when he tried to open the jar I barked DO NOT OPEN THAT JAR!!!! I think I startled myself...and him. i also think he believed me when I told him it was indeed lice.

Polly said...

Well, Dr. Grumpy, this makes perfect sense considering that you ARE a dermatologist....

Hildy said...

ShrtStormTrooper and OldMdGirl: Oddly, there's nothing I've come across so far that grosses me out. Probably a good thing because I rescue animals and take care of the elderly demented. Of course, I've yet to be present at, say, a decapitation, so maybe there will be something, but not so far. I just would have thought that being squeamish would make it darn hard to practice most kinds of medicine. (And, no, I don't bring unrequested samples. I don't even bring requested ones. Can't be bothered.)

vicki said...

did you charge him extra for testing the specimen???

Anonymous said...

Looks like someone called up the 1-800 number and bought themselves a "pedi egg" with the extra cartridge refills and took it for a spin this morning.

That is just gross on so many levels.

Hopefully none of that "stratum corneum" made its way into your Diet Coke this morning.

Not House said...

"Well, see Doc, I've also had this ulcer on my nether regions..." (forgive a med student who just had his STI talk.

Rusty Hoe said...

At least it only came off his foot.

Celinda said...

Um yeah.... being in the Medical profession we get blessed with wonderful human amazements. One day at the Pharmacy, I was helping a older gentleman with his medication as he pulled out a large white envelope. He said "Id like to ask you about these." He opened the envelope and inside contained little worms.... I (stupidly) asked "Well where did they come from?" He replied, "I fished them out of the toilet this morning after my BM." Gagging I let him know he needs to go show his doctor. Later that day we got an RX for Vermox and he let me know I was right for him going to the doctor because those worms were growing inside him.... *face palm*

dances said...

After he stepped in what? would have been a first question. After five years working in nursing homes and twenty five as a mom I can play gross out with frat boys and win.

Anonymous said...

You just didn't happen to have a bottle of some diagnostic reagent on hand at the time? To identify the scrapings? Yea, pretty disgusting.

I'm wondering the commenter on medical professionals wouldn't have realized that the more someone knows about something, the more they realize that don't want to touch random samples without adequate gloving and gowning? And, maybe a freely sprayed application of phenol aerosol? Ignorance is bliss.

Doctor Zorro said...

I remember when I was a houseman sitting in clinic with my boss. A very yellow patient came in and showed us three honey jars full of urine showing a steady darkening. One sample was of totally normal colour, and he informed us it was three months old.
So why was he collecting piss in a jar before he noticed anything wrong?

Anonymous said...

I think it is very old doggy doo.

medschoolodyssey said...

Understand that I'm a pre-med and my knowledge of anatomy is rather limited.

But, aren't you a neurologist? Isn't that a brain / head thing? Feet are kinda south from there, aren't they?

lovinmyjob said...

I once had a lady bring in pubic lice stuck to a piece fo scotch tape. She wanted me to confirm that her husband must be having an affair. I sooooooo didn't touch that question.

Mingle said...

do your colleagues at the hospital have similarly weird and gross patient stories? I'm starting to think I should avoid a certain part of the continent when applying to medical school....

Anonymous said...

please tell me at least it's in a tightly sealed ziplock bag.

C said...

hmmm...do you think he has a BIG pile of that stuff at home and he just brought you a sample?

PGYx said...

I learned the hard way to be exquisitely careful when I remove socks of older patients in the ED.

It took just one surprising dehydrated skin flake cloud from a single foot. When all settled, there was about 1/4 cup of flakes on the bed with more on the floor.

I order a fair number of Podiatry consults for "poor podiatric hygiene" and pray I will always be able to reach my feet.

webhill said...

I have had clients bring in fecal samples (their own feces), attempt to show me rashes on private areas of their body (I avert my eyes and request they re-clothe immediately), and even in one case request that I do a prostate exam to see if his regular doctor was telling the truth about his BPH.

Dude.

I am a VETERINARIAN.

terri c said...

Late response, hoping you directed him to the ED for a big ole workup. Hahahahahaha I crack myself up sometimes...

Anonymous said...

I never got used to this. As a Pharmacist, this happens all the time. Whether it's a used tube of vaginal creme presented for refill or a jar with the remains of a extended release potassium or glipizide xl tab fished out of the toilet, I don't get it.

 
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