Dr. Duffel is a local neurologist who drags around the biggest damn purse in the world. It's HUGE, and goes everywhere with her. For years many of us have wondered what's in it: a complete set of every neurology journal ever written? Jimmy Hoffa? the Bermuda Triangle?
So last night she came in late to the dinner, and sat down next to me. She put el monstro humungo purse on the floor next to me, so I had to move over a bit.
The meeting dragged on. One slide after another. The occasional cell phone ringing. The speaker droning. Food courses.
At some point I wandered out to stretch and empty myself of biologically-filtered Diet Coke. When I came back and sat down I stepped in a puddle on the floor. I figured someone must have spilled water or something while I was out of the room, and refocused my attention on the speaker.
A minute later a waitress came by to refill my Diet Coke, and stumbled over the giant purse.
And the purse started barking.
The waitress screamed and leaped back, dropping the pitcher on the purse, which only got it snarling at her.
Dr. Duffel jumped up, grabbed her cell phone (which hadn't rung), mumbled "I have to answer this outside" and dragged her growling purse out of the room. I'm pretty sure it wasn't her ringtone.
She never came back.
I rinsed off my shoes when I got home.