Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Dear Mr. Pantsoff,

Sorry I was kind of rude on the phone last night.

I wasn't able to be at Cub Scout camp this weekend, as I was on call. It obviously bothers you that my daughter Marie was there, but my wife didn't really have a choice but to take her, since I wouldn't be home to watch her. I can't haul her around to hospitals, and since she's 8 I can't leave her home alone for a weekend (although you clearly disagreed with the last point).

I'm also sorry that your kid is such a shit, but it ain't his fault. I mean, it was no secret last year when you and that other Mom began sneaking away during den meetings that you were shagging in the bathroom. I think it's nice that now you've both left your spouses to be together. Your boys have a lot in common, like the fact that they're both 10, and in the same scout den, and have skanky parents.

Anyway, I think it was entirely unreasonable for the scout master to have disciplined the boys for stealing and breaking other kids' projects this weekend. Apparently you and your squeeze were off balling in the bushes during that time, so it was inconsiderate of him to try and teach them some manners in your absence.

Also, why you were yelling at me last night about your kids not getting to make bows & arrows (and that being the reason they tried to steal the ones my kids made), makes no sense to me. I wasn't at camp this weekend, and am certainly not the reason you guys were 6 hours late getting there. The schedule clearly listed that project as being at 9:00 a.m., and you guys didn't show up until 3. I think it's downright unfair that the scout master didn't immediately put the other 15 kids on hold to take care of yours. After all, you and the lady (who I think may have recently been featured on CK Lunchbox) are clearly the most important people in the universe.

But, to address the reason you called me last night, I'm NOT going to replace your fancy digital camera. It's not my fault that you brought it to camp. Or that your creepy 10 year old boy took it out of your backpack. Or that your future sex-offender hid in the girls bathroom to try and get pictures of Marie naked.

If you want the camera back, I'd contact the camp's maintenance guy. I'm sure he could let you into the septic tank to get it out. Or you could try the pipes near where Marie flushed it. Maybe it's stuck there.

Likewise, I ain't paying your kid's medical bills. If the little freak had given the camera to Marie when she asked for it, she wouldn't have had to break his finger to get it. Maybe he'll learn something about respect for women. Maybe you will, too.

Anyway, I think it also added to the weekend that the scout master got to demonstrate first aid by splinting the finger with a hankie and popsicle sticks.

Have a nice day. Be prepared.

66 comments:

MJH, CPhT said...

Marie's my new hero.

Rachael said...

wow. people are something else. I'd love to think you made this up, but I know better.

I just have to say, way to go, Marie!

pharmgirl297 said...

She flushed his camera AND broke the little perv's finger?! Marie ROCKS!!

Anonymous said...

Your dtr rocks. Go girl!!

-lpnmon

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Well, she only wanted to flush the camera. He just wouldn't give it to her, so she had to take it by force.

You don't mess with Marie. her brothers' know that.

a.z.♥ said...

um. you're daughter is amazing.

Doris said...

Marie is actually a ninja...only her outfit is pink, not black.

Go, Marie!

Anonymous said...

Marie rocks!

Anonymous said...

Way to go, Marie! I know I sure wouldn't want to get her mad at me!
Sign me up in the Marie Fan Club!

SumDood said...

She should have just kicked him in the nuts. More memorable to the perpetrator, and less likely to end in an angry phone call.

Not that I blame Marie, or anything.

CK Lunchbox said...

Geez,

They sound like the anti-Brady bunch. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "IDIOTS!"

Kuddos to Marie for kicking tail. We've had some similar issues with a boy at the girls' school. I told the oldest it was okay haul off an punch him to defend herself. She was afraid of getting in trouble, but we told them we would back her up if she went to the office. Two days later she hauled off and let the kid have it. Problem solved.

WarmSocks said...

You're doing something right if your daughter has learned to stand up for herself!

little d, S.N. said...

You've clearly been raising her right if she's able to take down future sex-offenders! Go Marie!

Helen said...

Marie is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Way to go Marie! Since he acts like an arse he should get along well with the crap he will have to look through to find his camera.

Liz said...

Aww...Marie makes me proud to be a woman!

You may attract more than your fair share of whack jobs, but you're also surrounded by amazing women....you must be alright.

Flavius said...

She'll be good to have around to handle future patients. Very nice going, lol.

-Flavius

Quill2006 said...

Way to go Marie!

Lovely parenting skills that young scout has; I can see he'll go far!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

The cute part is that she sneaked her girl scout "Brownie Sash" up with her, and wore it the whole time as her uniform. Because her brothers were wearing theirs.

The Good Cook said...

I want to bake Marie a cake - that's how proud I am of her. When is the cookie sale? I'll buy a case.. Go Marie. Girl Power...

um - I can't believe skanky dad to pervert didn't call to apologize AND make pervert photog apologize, I mean that would be the ONLY reason to call you.

Fordo said...

Way to go Marie. Hopefully the little deviant won't pull anything like that again.

Stitch said...

I too am proud of Marie. I hope that you have a way of letting her know how impressed all us random strangers are with her actions. I hope she has a "self-defense" badge to add to her brownie sash!

Kate Allison said...

I had a problem in junior high with a couple of guys that thought they could take liberties with me. One got a full sized english lit book up the side of the face. I think that maybe you should charge the kid with attempted child pornography and have the father charged as an accessory. After all, he did provide the camera and the ethical soup that instigated the incident.

rockinheatha said...

Team Marie!! (and Dr. Grumpy)

You nailed it with "future sex offender!"

Anonymous said...

You've done good Mrs adn Dr G, your 8 y/o knows how right from wrong and how to protect her self.

Have you thought about calling the police to report the incident? Maybe this family needs a visit from the local police and the Scout organization needs to know too.

Fiz said...

Holy crap! What awful people! Way to go, Marie! Stay away from those people , your daddy is right about perverts!

TheOtherOne said...

go Marie!

peedee said...

Yup, Marie is the bomb. But I already knew this. =D

Girls rule, boys drool.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Actually, folks, I found out this morning that the local Scoutmaster has tossed both of the boys and their parents from Scouts, for the reasons above.

GradStudent said...

Go Marie!! Your daughter rocks.

Sarah Blue said...

Good Job Marie!!!

Anonymous said...

Marie is pretty kick ass!

Jacqueline said...

Marie is awesome! Brownies kick ass!

moppie said...

Marie's quite the gal!! I love her! There was another really hilarious post where Marie was awesome, but I don't remember what it was anymore.

Is Ms. Grumpy happy about Marie breaking a kid's finger & flushing the camera?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Moppie- type "Marie" into the upper left search bar and you'll get all her antics.

I guess I have more on her than the other 2.

Mrs. Grumpy is proud of her.

Anonymous said...

You should have included:
"I am amazed that you didn't send my Marie a thank you card. Had your child taken the picture he intended to and returned your camera to your bad; you would be in possession of child pornography. She just saved you from a very embarrassing court trial."

Woodchuck & Hammey said...

Too ridiculously cool of the young lady. And, I'm certainly glad the scoutmaster wised up and yanked 'em from the scouts' general pop.

Keep us informed, good wack-doctor.

xtine said...

Holy shit.

Your daughter is AWESOME.

Molly said...

my kinda girl!

Wunderwoman said...

Yay for Marie!

Lilorfnannie said...

Way to go Marie!! And way to go Mom and Dad for bringing her up RIGHT!!!

Kim Kasch said...

I say, Marie is an example for women everywhere! Go Marie!

Plus, truth is always stranger than fiction.

I know of a similar situation.

Anonymous said...

TEAM MARIE!

What a diva rock star!

A huge WTF to Dud Dad. I need a bleach shower after reading about his skanky behavior.

He's lucky Marie didn't break that thug in training's arm. At that age, I just might have.

LD50 Rat

The Good Cook said...

Kudos to local Scout Master too! Now child services should be notified to begin early intervention for the would be perv... I mean - the kid learned this behavior somewhere...

Ed Adams said...

She may have a future busting online predators on Dateline someday.

I love it when girls fight. Especially when they kick some dudes ass.

David said...

This story made my day. Thanks.

danielle said...

I think Marie should get a special badge for assetiveness!!! Move over Michelle Obama - meet the future president!

jamiegirl said...

I think this boy is lucky Marie only put his camera in the toliet...had she asked for reinforments maybe they could have "tanked" him as well.

I am so glad to read they have been asked to leave the Scouts...that is the best news ever.

As always, your life is never dull Dr. G!

C. said...

Go Marie!

amy said...

Very funny story, but sad too--feel sorry for the 10-year old boy, NOT because Marie broke his finger (go Marie!)but for what he has been exposed to in his young life to be trying to take naked pictures of girls in the bathroom...probably not had a very happy "normal" childhood, not with parents like his dad.

Molly said...

Marie rocks.

Kristin said...

Marie is 8?! She is AWESOME! And you guys are obviously doing something right as parents! Congrats!

Anonymous said...

every little girl needs a daddy like you. and vice versa. awesome post, and even more awesome family!

Nancy said...

Yay, Marie!

WTF is up with the other parent not seeing the seriousness of the boy's behavior and only focusing on himself???

DK @ Knucklehead! said...

And the cycle of "it's not my fault" continues.

Good for Marie. She rocks.

The Pesha Man said...

Both father and son seem to have a strange fixation with sex and bathrooms. I'll say no more.

River said...

Woo-Hoo!! Kudos Marie!

ER's Mom said...

Good for Marie. And good for you and your wife for sticking up for her.

The Mother said...

Do you ever just have a normal day?

Just asking.

Serious Replies Only said...

Marie is AWESOME!

knitalot3 said...

Way to go, Marie!!

Anonymous said...

Good for you, Marie! Thanks, Dr. and Mrs. Grumpy, for raising a strong (physically, emotionally, and morally) girl!

Anonymous said...

f**king AWESOME. Go Marie!!! and go parents Grumpy!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE IT! I have a three and a half year old girl...any tips b/c I want her to do the same thing one day if confronted one day. Right on with the parenting, Papa Grumpy!!!

I also have a five year old boy. NO WAY he would ever do that, but supposing he did, he would be coming over to your house to personally apologize to Marie and your entire family. He would then work off the camera while grounded for a month at a minimum...and that would be just the beginning.

Chrysalis Angel said...

Love your Marie.

Moekos Owl said...

Raising a daughter, you, sir, are doing it RIGHT!

 
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