Monday, February 29, 2016

Skool nerse time

This is Mrs. Grumpy,

Dear Kids,

There are a lot of innovative ways to cut class and/or get sent home, and I think it's commendable that you guys work together so well.

Sometimes even I get fooled.

Last Thursday, for example.

Getting a bunch of kids in with stomach aches isn't that unusual, especially since I can't test for them. But when a second crop began showing up with skin irritations and rashes on their hands, faces, and mouths... it certainly got my attention. I even called the state and poison control to see if there were reports coming from other schools along those lines (there weren't).

Until someone came in with bad eye pain, which I had to flush out with water... and they spilled the beans. Before that I really had no clue what you were all up to.

Apparently one of you cute tykes smuggled in several Carolina Reapers with your lunch. Some bravely tried to show off by eating them, while others just vigorously rubbed pieces on their skin to induce redness and swelling. And a few accidentally ended up getting it in their eyes, nasal tissues, and (in one horrifying case) rear end. ("It was an accident, Nurse Grumpy!" Uh-huh, sure.)

Fortunately, no students were permanently harmed in this debacle, though many parents were quite inconvenienced by me having to call them about what was going on. And the majority of them began laughing hysterically.

To recap:

1. Mrs. Decimal says you still have to make up the math test.

2. Your parents think you are idiots.

3. Scoville units are not to be taken lightly.

Have a nice day.


Reds Kevin said...

What did they do to have the pepper end up in their rear end? (Ok, maybe I don't want to know!)

Don said...

I wonder how those would go with some caramel and ice cream? After all, jalapenos are also pretty hot, and arithmetic isn't my strongest subject...
Laughing all morning; I needed this.

charles said...

Apparently, they really aren't prepared for the math test since they cannot count to 2.2 million (Scoville units).

bobbie said...


Serves them right...

Anonymous said...

Those kids got more than a math lesson! I wonder if the actual pain, or the humiliation would be worse.

Packer said...

The moment when you realize that I triple dog dare you has some unintended consequences, is right about the time that the medical personnel start showing up in the narrative.

Anonymous said...

They sell that stuff in the grocery store?

Ms. Donna said...

Good Lord! Glad my kids are beyond that! Nurse Grumpy's pts get style points, however.

. . .still wondering (but DO NOT want to know) about the pepper in on or around the bottom. . .

BTW, did the people Nurse Grumpy called call back to find out the rest of the story?

Agenericdoc said...

They've added spice to their school experience.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how the butt thing happened because I've done it. :o I was making chili, cut up some hot peppers (not Carolina Reaper hot, but still hot!) got the juice on my hands and then had to use the toilet. When I can guess what happened....OUCH!

mostly cajun said...

Hot peppers are perfectly capable of burning both when going in AND when coming out, even after a somewhat normal trip through the digestive an eliminations processes.

Also, as Anonymous says, a little residue on your hands can play havoc with any tender bit you touch, whether your own or another person's.


Moose said...

There's a chain of chicken wing restaurants where I used to live (local to the area). They offer an "Atomic" wing sauce that they used to make you sign a release before you could order them.

I was at one with some friends. One friend was from the Southwestern US, and insisted that there was no way it would be "too hot" for him, because he was used to very spicy food. So he ordered a half dozen of them.

Another friend tried one. I had never before actually seen sweat break out on someone's face before. Wow.

Mr Southwest ate half of the order and declared them "OK."

After dinner, I and Mr Southwest both went to use the restroom. When I got back, Mr SW was squirming in his chair.

Turned out that, despite his insistence otherwise, he apparently had not thoroughly washed his paws before touching a rather sensitive place.

We made "fried wiener" jokes for months.

Candi said...

Several years ago, I got some tiny orange hot peppers to chop up for tacos.

I then wiped a bit of grit out of my eye after "only" rinsing my hands with water, no soap.

Cue twenty minutes flushing my right eye with cold water from the sink sprayer.

I can well imagine why the kids who got it in their eyes spilled the beans. That is torture. And while I feel sorry for all the kids, they rather deserved it for fooling around with a pepper with the name "reaper", especially just to get out of class.

Incidentally. I've heard of the restaurant Moose references. Including that under no circumstances are you allowed a doggy bag of the things. (Considering a Not Always Right/Working story about the wings and the prank played on a rather unsuspecting Vietnamese coworker with some wings smuggled out in a napkin, I'm not surprised.)

Anonymous said...

Next time flush the eye/s with milk rather than water. Works much better if it is capsaicin you are trying to dislodge.

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