Early Sunday morning rounds

I got dragged into the hospital to do a consult, and discovered this line in another doctor's dictation:

"I warned the patient that potential problems could include death, serious complications of death, and severe death."

What a deal

Webhill sent in this non-artisanal restaurant sign that she passed on the street recently.





Personally, I don't want to pay $21.99 to get crabs. Even if the lady in the picture is the one giving them to me. That special shampoo is expensive.

But I do like the camera angle, which appears to have been used so you can personally verify whether or not she does, indeed, have crabs.

After winning Jeopardy! Watson goes to work at a pharmacy

And totally screws things up.





And yes I ALWAYS write refills in whole numbers.

A Day in the Life

Mr. Voice: "Hello, Megalithic Suxshit Insurance Company, can I help you?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, this is Dr. Ibee Grumpy. In the past 2 days I've faxed you the same form on a patient 3 times and..."

Mr. Voice: "We haven't received a form from you at all, Mr. Grumpy."

Dr. Grumpy: "...and each time I do you guys call a few hours later to say you haven't received it yet."

Mr. Voice: "What number are you faxing it to Mr. Grumpy?"

Dr. Grumpy: "It's Dr. Grumpy. I faxed it to 1-800-FAX-HERE, the number printed at the top of the form."

Mr. Voice: "Mr. Grumpy, that's the wrong number. You should be faxing it to 1-800-SUX-SHIT. Where did you get that other number?"

Dr. Grumpy: "It's the only fax number on the form! It's at the top of the page, right next to a sentence that says 'Please fax this form to the following number.' "

Mr. Voice: "Just because it says that on the form doesn't mean you were supposed to fax it there."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, but if the number to fax it to ISN'T the one on your form, how do I find out what the number is that I'm supposed to use?"

Mr. Voice: "You need to request that number by sending us a fax."

Hazards of the job

Mrs. Ancient didn't show up for an appointment last week. Mary had left a reminder message on her machine the day before, but she didn't come in. It happens, and so I moved on to my next patient and forgot about it.

Last evening we were having the usual home night. Doing homework, asking kids to brush their teeth for the 18th time, etc, when my cell phone rang.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Mr. Policeman: "Hi, this is Officer Badge of the Grumpyville Police. Is Mrs. Ancient a patient of yours?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, yeah, what's up?"

Mr. Policeman: "Well, we were notified today about uncollected mail. We entered her home tonight, and found her lying dead in her bed. It looks like she's been there a few weeks. There's a message on her answering machine from your office..."


Poor Mrs. Ancient.


This morning I told Mary about it.

Mary: "OMG! So you mean the whole time I was talking into her answering machine she was really lying there..."

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh-huh."

(sigh)

Dr. Grumpy: "When did the dizziness start?"

Mrs. Batty: "Well, I saw you for it last year! Don't you remember?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Hmmm. I don't see dizziness mentioned anywhere in your chart..."

Mrs. Batty: "It's the same thing, but a year ago I called it a headache. Except it's really not a headache at all. It's never been a headache. And I want to know why you didn't tell me it wasn't a headache in the first place. You're a doctor, and should know better."

New policy, Marie

This year the Girl Scouts are requiring background checks on people looking to buy cookies, to prevent unfortunate incidents of this type from happening.

Dear Uloric,

Thank you for inviting me to watch "leading physicians" discuss your product.

Honestly, however, all I see in this picture are 2 gents who appear to be desperately in need of a men's room.





In fact, they look sort of like I do on weekend call (though better dressed), loaded with Diet Coke, having no time to pee, smiling blandly as the ER pages me again, and wondering how much it would hurt to put a catheter in until Monday morning to save time.

Help wanted: New medical secretary

Dr. Grumpy: "Hey, where are the Peanut Butter M&M's?"

Mary: "Oh, we put all the M&M's in the tupperware container over there."

Dr. Grumpy: "But there were 2 bags, the PB's and the dark chocolate..."

Mary: "Yeah, we just put them all in it. It's over there."

Dr. Grumpy: "You mixed PB's with dark chocolate? That's sacrilege!"

Mary: "You're a doctor. The PB's are bigger. I'm sure you can tell the difference and pick them out."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's not the point! You shouldn't mix them! The crappy dark chocolate ones will contaminate the PB's just by being in contact with them."

Mary: "Tough. From looking at your butt I don't think you need either."

Yes, those count

Dr. Grumpy: "Any major illnesses in your family?

Mr. Needle: "Nope. Everybody is healthy. I mean, unless you count diabetes. Or cancer. Or heart stuff."

I guess it's a pop-up ad, huh?

I'm reading the news online this morning, and this ad was on the web page.

I can't help it. I'm immature and juvenile.

Sunday afternoon, 1:28 p.m.

Mrs. Grumpy and I are taking a nap. My home phone rings, waking me up.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hello?."

Mr. Pissmeoff: "Hi, um, Dr. Grumpy. You don't know me, but my kids also go to Wingnut Elementary, and I got your phone number out of the school directory."

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh-huh..."

Mr. Pissmeoff: "My wife has MS, and is in Local Hospital. She sees Dr. Darth, across the street from you."

Dr. Grumpy: "I don't cover for Dr. Darth, sir. You'll have to call his office."

Mr. Pissmeoff: "I know you don't. But she wants to go home, and he hasn't been in to see her yet today. Can you please come in and discharge her instead?"

Fire safety

I was on my way to Costco yesterday.

I passed an old Ford pickup. It had been modified so the ENTIRE BACK OF THE TRUCK was gone. They'd shortened the axle, and had the rear wheels under the cab.

They had the gas tank welded to the roof of the cab, with fuel lines running down over the windshield to the engine. There was no hood.

The windows were open. The driver was smoking.

More crap

All right, ever since I became side-tracked on what I consider to be the major threat currently facing humanity - the sickening overuse of the word "artisan" and its derivatives - everyone else has been noticing it too. Recently it's even been prominently featured in a nationwide TV ad to describe mass-produced ravioli, of all freakin' things.

Anyway, since it's too late for me to go back and pretend I never started this, here are some of the more irritating examples of the problem that have been sent in:


From Shannon, who says this was at Starbucks (assumedly not made by kosher artisans). This one gets bonus irritation points for also having the word "handcrafted" in it:






Kathy saw this at the grocery store:






And Jaime, also from the grocer's:

Patients say the darndest things

Dr. Grumpy: "Any side effects on the medication?"

Mr. Stiffy: "Well, I uh, I mean, um... you know, I, uh, when I'm about to, um, fall off the cliff, so I start rubbing it faster, but I don't fall off that cliff, no matter how fast and hard I rub. You know what I mean, doc?"

Ma'am, that isn't normal

Get 15% off hospital scrubs with code "white_onsale"

Mrs. Stick: "My blood sugars are always good. I check them 4 times every day."

Dr. Grumpy: "I didn't know you were a diabetic?"

Mrs. Stick: "I'm not, but my husband is. I use his lancets."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why on Earth do you do that?"

Mrs. Stick: "Just for fun."

Drug 'R Us

Pharmaceuticals are amazing stuff. You can bitch and moan about their costs, side effects, or the number of them you're taking, but what they've done to extend life and improve its quality is truly remarkable.

And for all the bad raps they get, I salute the pharmaceutical industry, and those who work anonymously in labs around the world, to bring us these miracles.

But drug companies also do absolutely weird crap. One thing that's recently driven me nuts is the trend away from drugs of real value toward what I call "drugs of convenience" (DoC).

What is a DoC? Let's take Fukitol. Fukitol is dosed twice-a-day. Taking a pill twice-a-day is something most of us can remember to do. Fukitol costs, say, $2 a pill. So a month of Fukitol is $120 (these numbers are just for example, obviously).

But, like all drugs, Fukitol's patent is going to expire. Then it will become a cheap generic (fukazolamide), and the price will drop to $0.20 per pill. So a month will now cost $12.

About 3 months before the generic comes out, the Fukitol rep shows up at my door. He now carries once-daily Fukitol-ER! Yes, now you only need to take Fukitol-ER once-a-day! And they trumpet this like it's a major freakin' medical breakthrough.

And they no longer carry plain old Fukitol samples. So if I want to start someone on Fukitol, I need to use Fukitol-ER, and when it goes generic in a few months, the patient ain't gonna want twice-daily fukazolamide.

Fukitol-ER is priced at $4 a pill, so a month is, again, $120.

When the generic comes out, the patient's insurance has a choice: pay $12/month for twice-daily fukazolamide, or $120/month for Fukitol-ER. That $108 difference becomes pretty significant if there are, say, 1 million people on the drug.

Now we get into numbers. The patient's insurance co-pay is $5/month for fukazolamide OR $40/month for Fukitol-ER. The insurance company is hoping that by putting more financial burden on Mr. Fukdeprived, he'll decide to go with the cheap generic.

But the drug companies have a counter to this- They've introduced coupons, also called "co-pay cards" or "patient loyalty cards" that give the patient $40 a month off the copay. So by using these things Mr. Fukdeprived gets Fukitol-ER free, while the insurance company is still getting dinged for the rest of the cost.

Now, given my never-ending battles with insurance companies, I don't often sympathize with them. But here I do: the patient is getting the gold mine, and the insurance is getting the shaft. And, of course, this situation increases health care costs for ALL of us, because the insurance has to raise my premiums to pay for the fact that somebody just can't bear the thought of having to take their pill twice-a-day instead of once.

My friends who are pharmacists also hate having to deal with the reimbursement issues on the co-pay cards, but that's another story. If they want to comment on it, they're welcome to.

But the fun doesn't end there. Let's take a real drug: Flexeril (generic name cyclobenzaprine). This muscle relaxant came to market quite a while back, and consequently has been available as a generic for many years. It's taken as a 10mg pill 3 times a day, and the generic is dirt cheap. Like a few pennies per pill.

So roughly 10 years ago, LONG after generic 10mg cyclobenzaprine was commonly available, some enterprising drug company actually was able to patent it AGAIN as a 5mg pill. They claimed it was less sedating at the lower dose, and therefore constituted a whole new drug.

And so it went to market as expensive Flexeril 5mg, because heaven forbid you should actually suggest a patient buy cheap generic 10mg cyclobenzaprine and break them in half!

Eventually the patent wore off on Flexeril 5mg, too, and it went generic, along with the 10mg. So what happened next? Another drug company actually re-patented it at a 7.5mg dose and renamed it Fexmid. I am not making this up.

Still another company has developed a once daily form of it called Amrix. So from 1 drug we now have 4 freakin' patents.

Here's another one: Doxepin is an ancient (by drug standards) antidepressant. It's been around since the 1960's. So it's dirt cheap, and comes in pills of 10mg and up. BUT some pharmaceutical company, after 40 years on the market, has re-patented it as a 3mg or 6mg sleep aid called Silenor. So you can buy 30 days worth of 10mg pills at Target for $4 OR you can pay the same amount per pill for Silenor in a smaller size. Step right up and buy this bridge!

But the fun goes on! One that REALLY chaps me is the bizarre trend of combining 2 old, cheap generics (some of which are even available over-the counter) to create a new, overpriced drug.

Other companies combine an existing generic with a soon-to-be generic as a desperate way of getting a few last bucks out of it. Because heaven knows it's SUCH a serious burden to have to take 2 pills at the same time instead of 1. This list includes Treximet (Imitrex + Naprosyn), Vimovo (Naprosyn + Nexium), Caduet (Norvasc + Lipitor), Vytorin (Zocor + Zetia), Symbyax (Prozax + Zyprexa), and many more.

No matter how much pharmaceutical companies try to portray these drugs as major medical breakthroughs, THEY AREN'T!

I just can't help but think that the money spent on creating them would be better spent on more novel drugs with greater long-term potential (and profit, since I admit that's the key) to help people.

Dog owner tip

Okay, marijuana fans, lets remember this:

Dogs have different uses for socks than you do.

So, if you are hiding your stash in a sock, your dog may have a different idea of what to do with it.

Like this guy's did.

Annie's desk, February 15, 2011

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Alpo: "Yeah, Dr. Grumpy sees my wife for Parkinson's disease."

Annie: "Uh-huh..."

Mr. Alpo: "I need a refill on her medication, and also, does Dr. Grumpy have a dog?"

Annie: "Yeah... Why?"

Mr. Alpo: "Can you ask him what kind of dog food he recommends?"

Annie: "Let's stick with the medication refill. Dog food isn't his field."

Mr. Alpo: "Yeah, but he's a doctor. Doesn't he know about that stuff?"

Annie: "He's not that kind of doctor. Why don't you ask your vet?"

Mr. Alpo: "Why? Does she know Dr. Grumpy?"

I'm SO freakin' touched

Today a drug rep dropped off this box of chocolates at the office.

Patient quote of the day

"It’s not like things are worse, I mean they are, but it’s not like that, or maybe it is. That isn’t really the whole problem, because it’s only the whole problem when it’s worse, which it isn’t. At least not most days. The whole thing is just there, especially when it isn’t worse, which it is, if you know what I mean."


And no, folks, this person is not being seen for a cognitive problem.

This ain't Fail Blog, but...

Since 3 of you decided to send me some things you'd noticed, here they are:


Reader Donal sent this from Ireland. He says it was a sign in the auto repair shop he was at:







Hillary was at Starbucks, and saw this menu item:






And Laura sent this Spirit Airlines vacation ad, offering great discounts on trips to warmer regions.




Because, after all, who wouldn't want to go south for VD, when it's only $9 each way?

Insanity

At 9:38 this morning the following message was left on Mary's voice mail:

"Hi, this is Mrs. Fried, and I need to make an appointment. Please call me back at 867-5309."

So Mary wrote down the number, and called the lady. No one answered, so she set it aside to try again later.

At 11:45, a little over 2 hours later, they called back. "Hi, this is Mrs. Fried again. My schedule is busy, so I don't think I'll be able to come in at all. Can you cancel the appointment that I haven't made?"

Early Monday morning in the ER

Dr. Grumpy: "You've been taking Nostroke since I saw you last month, correct?"

Mr. Lacunar: "No, I decided not to start it."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why did you do that?"

Mr. Lacunar: "I wanted to see if I'd have another stroke."

Dr. Grumpy: "You did."

It just sucks

While I'm not planning on making this the "I hate the words artisan/artisanal blog", it sure as hell has been that way recently.

Here's one from my reader Lindsey. She says it was at Walmart.

To make matters worse, I just ordered flowers for Mrs. Grumpy for tomorrow, and received a confirmation email reassuring me that they'll be arranged "by an artisanal florist".

Sigh.

My readers write

From the wonderful world of law enforcement, my reader Officer Cynical sent in this story yesterday:

"This morning I arrested a woman for DUI, after she drove off the street and hit a tree at 7:30 a.m. She was quite drunk, and thought it was 11:00 at night and that she was going to her overnight shift at Walmart.

Anyway, once in the little ER exam room for blood draws and jail clearance, my partner said to her: "Doris, this may take a while. Why don't you have a seat?"

She said "I can't sit down. I have a turd in my pants."

Oh, for hell's sake

Even the menu at Local Theater's Friday Night Kids Show isn't safe.

(click to enlarge)




Although personally I think charging $13 for a freakin' turkey sandwich and bag of Doritos is a bigger atrocity than overuse of the word.

Thursday evening, 7:10 p.m.

We have a clock by the front sign-in sheet. It's part of a kitschy ceramic black & white statue made to look like some type of cartoonish farm animal. I have no idea who bought it originally. I've never paid it much attention.

Last night, just after 7:00, I got called that a patient needed to talk to me.


Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Miss Tangent: "Hi! I was there earlier today, for my arm pain. I brought my sister to the appointment. Do you remember?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes. What can I do for you?"

Miss Tangent: "I need your help. My sister and I have been arguing since the appointment, and we need to know if that clock statue thing on your front desk is supposed to be a horse or a cow?"

Pop quiz

Okay, folks, today we're going to look at some pictures (not those kinds of pictures, get your minds out of the gutter). Take out your #2 pencils. After we're done pass your paper to the person behind you for grading.

If you need a better look, click on the pictures to enlarge them.


1. This picture is from:




(A). A promotional piece for Extreme Cage Fighting, 2011

(B). A "don't litter, or else" public service announcement.

(C). A notice not to pick up hitchhikers.

(D). The Halloween costume your kid wanted last year.

(E). An advertisement for a narcotic pain killer.



2. This is:




(A). A polar bear. What kind of stupid question is that?

(B). A commercial for the new show on Animal Planet.

(C). What are those red lines... Wait a minute! Do polar bears really have a tail covering their butt? I better google that.

(D). An ad for a new treatment for shingles pain.

(E). A and D.




3. This is:




(A). An ad for a rustic fishing supplies shop.

(B). The symbol for the new "Jesus loves you and your aquarium" campaign.

(C). From a fish conservation group.

(D). The new logo for Osteichthyes Bank & Trust.

(E). In an ad for a muscle relaxant.




4. This makes me think of:





(A). A promo for "Beauty and the Beast"

(B). Do Halloween and Valentines fall on the same day this year?

(C). OMG! Simba killed a florist!

(D). Aslan is "in the mood."

(E). Yet another ad for an expensive painkiller.




5. This next picture is:





(A). That guy you owe money to.

(B). An ad for World Championship Wrestling

(C). Wow. Bobby Knight sure looks different these days.

(D). The neighborhood chiropractor.

(E). An ad for the same narcotic as picture #1.


In case you didn't guess, (E) is the answer to all of them. And no, I'm not in marketing. I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER where they came up these pictures. But I want to hire the guy in #6 to work as my office bouncer. And yes, polar bears really do have small tails.

Healthy Lifestyle

Miss Tuber: "I try to stay active and keep in shape."

Dr. Grumpy: "How do you do that?"

Miss Tuber: "I watch reality shows on TV."

Okay, that's a good excuse

My 9:15 yesterday, Mrs. Plum, didn't show up for her appointment. This surprised me, as she hasn't missed an appointment in the 5 years I've been caring for her. Mary had even confirmed her on Monday.

This was unexpected enough that I kept bugging Mary, asking her if Mrs. Plum had come in yet. Finally she just said "No! She's not here! I'd tell you if she's here! Maybe she's in a coma!"

I felt bad about irritating Mary, so apologized and went on to my next group of patients.

About an hour later Mary came back to tell me the ER was on the phone, so I picked up.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Dr. ER: "Yeah, I have a patient of yours here, Frieda Plum. Her husband couldn't wake her up this morning, and it looks like she's in a coma..."

I need to be REALLY nice to Mary. She has terrible powers.

Half-assed surgery

We at Grumpy Neurology, Inc., think your butt looks fine as it is.

But if you insist on having a new rump installed, we recommend that you seek a trained medical professional.

While a Hampton Inn is a perfectly nice place, with free WiFi and a continental breakfast, they are generally NOT known for their in-room surgical capabilities.

Like this lady found out.

Thank you, Erin!

Aaaaaauuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Grumpy: "Any other questions?"

Mr. Oldguy: "Yeah." (reaches into coat, pulls out plastic bag with a bunch of white powdery stuff in it) "What do you think of this?"

Dr. Grumpy: (thinking: cocaine? talcum? dandruff?) "Uh, it looks some sort of white powder..."

Mr. Oldguy: "I scrapped it off the bottom of my foot this morning."

Great drug rep moments

"Doctor, our company is actively involved in Alzheimer's research. In fact, one of our internal studies recently found that patients and their families are concerned the disease may cause memory loss. They worry about being forgetful, too."

Thanks for whatever

Yesterday we sat the twins down, duct-taped them to chairs at Taserpoint and politely asked them to complete their birthday thank you notes.

Here are some excerpts:

"Thank you for Wii Music. It's musical."

"Thanks for the presents. Now I have something to do."

Sunday reruns

From February, 2009:


My first consult at the hospital this morning was an elderly gentleman who passed out while watching the Super Bowl yesterday. I quote directly from the note of the admitting internist:

"He was in his usual state of good health when he awoke this morning at around 10. He normally has eggs and toast for breakfast, but this morning decided to skip it and went straight to cocktails. He had 7-8 Manhattans over the course of the day while waiting for the game to start."

Oh, for freak's sake!

See? It's every-damn-where!




Thank you, Shannon!

Today's criminal tips

Okay, since learning from experience is good, here are today's suggestions for you budding criminals out there:

1. When burglarizing a home, it is NOT a good idea to stop to charge your cell phone. You might accidentally leave it there.

2. If you take up growing marijuana as a hobby, do not call 911 with questions about it.

Dear American Academy of Dermatology,

I, the great Dr. Grumpy, Neurologist-at-large, have absolutely NO FREAKING IDEA how I ended up on your email list. I don't even go to my own specialty's meetings (my idea of hell is a room with more than 1 neurologist).

Nevertheless, thanks for the invite today. If I find myself in New Orleans this weekend, and have absolutely nothing to do, and the French Quarter is closed, and Mrs. Grumpy has let me off my leash, and Ignatius J. Reilly is unavailable for dinner, and I have a few hundred bucks in conference registration fees burning a hole in my pocket, then I will most certainly attend.




Because, as an elite neurologist, I find the latest news on skin, hair, and nails to be absolutely fascinating.

Hoping you've found a way to stop my remaining hairs from falling out,

Ibee Grumpy, M.D.

Friday morning, 12:03 a.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Mr. Awake: "Yeah, I see you for headaches, and I called your office on Wednesday. You called in Imitrex for me, and it helped a lot."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, so why are you calling me now?"

Mr. Awake: "Um, because Annie told me to call back on Friday and let you know how I'm doing, and it's Friday now."

Heart? Appendix? Wurlitzer?

Dr. Grumpy: "Any major illnesses in your family?"

Mr. Helpful: "My dad is missing an organ. I don't know what it's called."

Dear Local Medical Career College,

Thank you for dropping off pamphlets about your new medical assistant training program yesterday.

In all honesty, they don't inspire a lot of confidence.

Annie's desk, February 1, 2011

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mrs. Copay: "Hi, I need Dr. Grumpy to call in some medication for my back. I also need him to order physical therapy and an MRI."

Annie: "Hang on, let me look up your chart... it looks like we haven't seen you since 2008..."

Mrs. Copay: "That's correct."

Annie: "... and at that time you were here for a completely different issue. It looks like Dr. Grumpy has never seen you for back problems."

Mrs. Copay. "Whatever. Let me give you the number for my pharmacy..."

Annie: "Look, he can't give you medications or order anything for a condition he hasn't seen you for before. Especially when it's been 3 years since you were last here at all. You'll need to make an appointment."

Mrs. Copay: "Well, my insurance copay is now $35, and I don't want to spend that just to come see him."

Annie: "We can't do anything without seeing you."

Mrs. Copay: "Why doesn't anyone care about patients anymore? All you people want is my money." (hangs up).

Being thorough

Dr. Grumpy: "Besides your gallbladder, any other surgeries?"

Mr. Eightyseven: "Yup. When I was a baby they clipped my pecker."

I'm feeling the love

This letter came in yesterday's mail.


"Dear Dr. Grumpy,

"You don't know me, but I'm a patient of Dr. Pissy's.

"I had an appointment last week, and noticed you standing in the hallway.

"Based on my observations, I'd like to offer you my services as a professional shopper and fashion expert. For a nominal fee I'd take your measurements, then carefully select clothes that are both fashionable and flattering to you.

"I want to reassure you that I understand your appearance is not your fault. I'm sure a man in your position doesn't have time to shop for himself, and your wife may be too hurried to select nice clothes for you. In addition, many men, in my experience, are color blind.

"I've enclosed my business card, and look forward to working with you.

Yours truly,

Cindy Polyester."

MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Occasionally Mary puts a personal reminder for herself on the office schedule. I don't mind this at all. Usually it's something like "Order cake for party" or "Take kids to dentist".

BUT one of her friends is having a baby today.

So when I looked at my schedule this morning it featured this:

9:00- Suzy Migraine- Med check.
9:15- Phil Whiner- EMG.
9:30- Lisa Gravid - C-section at hospital.

January 31, 2011 - Happy Holiday!

Humans are a remarkably disparate groups of cultures, ethnicities, and religions. But there are some things we all share and cherish.

Today is one of those international holidays that helps unite us across the globe. A day when we all give thanks for those things that make a difference in our lives, in spite of our varying beliefs.

Yes folks, today is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.

I am not making this up.

Heaven knows that if we didn't have bubble wrap we'd still be packing stuff with abrasive paper, dirty socks, and seashells, and therefore opening packages full of scratched, smelly, computers, toys, and dishes.

To re-tell the ancient story that we traditionally teach our children on this day:

In 1957 two New Jersey engineers (Marc Chavannes and Al Fielding) were trying to make plastic wallpaper by gluing 2 shower curtains together, forming bubbles between the layers (it didn't sell).

In a flash, however, it was revealed unto them that their creation could be used as a cushioning and packaging material. And the rest is history.

So today, take a moment and give thanks for the marvel that has so enriched our packing and shipping lives, and given us (and our children) endless pleasure (not to mention stress reduction) in popping the little bubbles.

And we all say, Amen.

Memories...

It was the mid-90's. I was the neurology resident on call, and the attending was Dr. Footdrop.

She and I were gradually making our way around the hospital, but it was slow going. We had a lot of patients to see, and she kept getting calls from a crazy patient with millions of insane questions and complaints.

By late-afternoon Dr. Footdrop and I were on the 10th floor, rounding on the last few patients. There was a huge cellophane-wrapped tray of cookies in the middle of the nurses station, and we sat down to have some (it was the only food either of us had seen all day) and review the patients that were left.

While we were snacking, Mr. Crazy called for, literally, the 22nd time in 8 hours. Dr. Footdrop answered her phone, and spoke to him for about minute.

She suddenly leaned forward, and I thought she was getting another cookie. Instead, she grabbed a piece of cellophane. She held it next to the phone, began crinkling it up, and yelled, "I'm sorry, I've caught on fire, and can't talk!" Then she hung up.

Mr. Crazy never called back.

More great research

A recently published paper found this:

A guy is more likely to forgive his wife if she cheats on him with another woman, than if she does it with another man.

Here's the link.

And a grant was used to pay for this research. Because, I can only assume, we've now cured HIV, all forms of cancer, genetic disease, neurological illness, and all other types of human suffering. So now we can spend money on this stuff.

Thank you, Earl!

Oh, the humanity!

The world is running out of chocolate!

I, for one, am going to go hoard Peanut Butter M&M's (my favorite) RIGHT NOW!

Here's the story.

Thank you, Don!