Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Breaking news

Keeping you up to date on the world around you, we at the Grumpy Neurological Emporium news division strive to bring you the most important stories.

Dateline: Florida.

A car with 4 days of parking tickets all over the windshield was found to have a dead body inside, slumped over the steering wheel. The unfortunate man had apparently died of natural causes shortly after getting into his vehicle.

The city of Fort Lauderdale has kindly agreed to dismiss the accumulated parking fines due to "extenuating circumstances."

Dateline: Oregon

Craig Buckner, after being arrested on drug charges (he'd fallen asleep while waiting outside a courtroom on other charges and was drug tested - I swear)  was worried about his pet parrot's well-being. This is understandable, as the bird (imaginatively named "Bird") had been left outside the building in a tree.

Mr. Buckner was allowed to retrieve Bird the bird, but then Bird refused to be separated from him when they took the mugshot. After a few attempts officers decided to wing it, and snapped the picture anyway:

(Photo: Multnomah County Sheriff's Office via AP)

Dateline: Florida (again)

Unidentified burglars climbed over a backyard fence at night, hoping to break into a house. Due to them failing to scope out the area in advance, they landed on top of the owner's beehive, knocking it over.

The occupants were buzzing mad about beeing woken up, and chased away the evildoers.

Local hospitals have been asked to bee on the lookout for anyone coming in with an unusual number of stings.


Moose said...

House hunting? Apparently this was taken down (It was sold?), but here's the archive in case it becomes available again:

Anonymous said...

About Mr. Buckner and Bird: Hilarious though this is, he did the right thing in not abandoning his bird outside. That's a macaw. They form exceptionally close attachments to their person. Bird would probably not know what to do without him. Which does raise the question, of course: if Mr. Buckner goes to jail, who will care for Bird? I hope Mr. Buckner was able to think clearly enough to have some plan in place.

Sheryl said...

The report that I read said that a friend of Mr. Buckner's came to the jail to pick the bird up.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Mr. Snuffleupagus and Big Bird have sure changed since the 70s.

Packer said...

That burglary story was sweet revenge, The bird story caused quite a flap on the internet and the tickets were rescinded because the guy was at an expired meter.
Grumpy good punning, deserves some more.

tbunni said...

Well, the good news is that we (Oregon) are only responsible for 1/3 of the crazy this time around. The bad news is that we are up to 1/2 of what Florida has, and that's just scary!

Anonymous said...

There's only one rule about living in Florida -- we don't talk about Florida.

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