He woke me up (it was my day off, thanks Craig) laughing at this screen.
Drug addicts: I'm not sure microwaving urine will destroy whatever's in it, but it will give it that toasty "fresh from the bladder" warmth. Don't put it in for too long, or your parole officer will wonder why your urinary tract operates on the Kelvin scale. It will also make your kitchen and microwave stink (attention readers: do not try this at home).
For the record, when Craig discovered it took > 1 minute to microwave barley he decided on instant oatmeal.
I didn't even try to go back to bed.
19 comments:
Last night (briefly) the thought of making steel cut oats seemed a good idea. It's cold here in the midwest this morning! But, alas, it was cold generic round-shaped cereal, some sort of whole grain 'o's.
They used to teach how to boil water in 'home ec'. Now, it is 'life skills' or some such, ('navigating the cooking unit' for millennials?) Liberal use of the microwave is recommended in our home as certain members find difficulty remembering something is cooking on the stove until the fire alarm goes off.
Is that how they spell 'pee' these days?
This makes no sense, considering that McDonald's now serves breakfast all day.
Pro tip: it's a lot easier and less messy if you piss in the cup first, and THEN put it in the microwave.
Doesn't your microwave come with a "pee" button, right above "popcorn?"
Pro tip #2: if you work at a drug testing lab, don't warm up any food in the microwave.
Just follow the instructions on the package, and don't forget to stir halfway through.
They call me Mellow Yellow...
If you don't have a microwave handy, you can always heat it up using a lighter and a spoon. But you already knew that.
The joy of Google's autocomplete suggestions. They give you the chance to find out things you'd never thought of looking for!
Pro tip #3: if you get bored while you're waiting, you can use one of those drug testing cups to make a small gravity bong. Just try to remember not to use the same one for your specimen.
Look,first add a small dab of pooh to the vessel before adding the pee, so it doesn't stick to the sides when microwave. takes about 50 seconds for best results. Sheesh, people!
Can you imagine how much worse it would be having had asparagus the night before?
These comments are the best ever, made me pee my pants.
Easy- put the microwave on its lowest power setting, and then heat for the duration of one live Phish song.
As noted in comments on earlier posts, this is one of the websites I rely on when I've had a long day and need to read something that'll have me laughing kitbags (as they say in the British Royal Marines). Thanks, Ibee and Craig.
yeah, cuz the lab has NEVER seen this before! I work in the crisis (read: backup detox) part of our ER. Drug users think everyone is stupid, near as I can figure. And the thing is we don't give a shit what they were on, we just want to know are the voices drug induced or not? Because that makes a big difference.
I had to search that, in modified form.
The results were a combination of forums giving advice on how to do it just right (including synthetic urine!), and sites saying it DOES NOT WORK. Like Nancy said, they've seen it.
I guess it beats the drinking bleach urban myth, though.
Post a Comment