Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Elevator talk


It's 5:15 a.m. The first group of docs is drifting in for the day. I grabbed a Diet Coke and got in the hospital elevator. The doors were closing when one of the hospitalists, trying not to spill his coffee, called for me to hold it. So I hit the "open" button.

Dr. Med: "Morning, Ibee. Thanks for getting that."

Dr. Grumpy: "No problem, Jack. Where you starting?"

Dr. Med: "Ummm, I guess 8 would be best. Can you push that? Thanks."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sure. Hey, are you going to send Mrs. Stroke home today? Her dopplers looked fine."

Dr. Med: "Yeah. She's on Plavix, and I'll have her follow-up with you in 2-3 weeks."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sounds good."

Dr. Med: "Recently I've been getting headaches, but only when I'm masturbating. Should I be concerned about that?"

Next time I'm not going to hold the door.

28 comments:

Loki said...

I've always heard that medical personnel are famous for oversharing TMIs but this does take the cake.

Gracie's Mom said...

Love the photo, it pretty much says it all! ;-)

Packer said...

I miss the days when Masturbation was not part of social conversation. Am I being a Jerk about it.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes get headaches like that too. :-(

Anonymous said...

So....should he be concerned?

Anonymous said...

His wife must be getting headaches too. Maybe it's environmental?

Stacey Gordon said...

Using a patient's name in the elevator... Were the HIPAA police listening?

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is what Dr. Pissy meant about men getting headaches from women's menstruation?

Anonymous said...

Big head or little head?

The Condign Gentleman said...

"The other day, the pain was so bad I missed my exit on the freeway."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, and as long as we're talking about stroke..."

Anonymous said...

come on, he was just teasing you.

Anonymous said...

More lube.

Qex said...

The answer, of course, is 'I don't give out medical advice like that until after I've completed a full physical exam. Feel free to call my office to set up an appointment'. They usually shut up after that.

Anonymous said...

"If only I didn't get so turned on by strobe porn."

Candida Gomez said...

@Packer: I don't think you're being a jerk. I was raised that there are some things you just don't bring up in regular conversation. You talk to your doctor if it might be a medical issue, or maybe your immediate family, particularly if it will affect the family's routine, but not to coworkers or casual friends. (And certainly not the poor clerk at the store, thankyouverymuch. It also holds up the line.)

As a side note, a few years ago I was reading one of those medical information for the layman books (it looked interesting), and they mentioned that if you get frequent headaches during activities that tend to raise your blood pressure, it is something you might want to mention to your doctor. It might just be high blood pressure that needs treating, or it might be something like a developing aneurysm, which is a bunch of kinds of bad news.

Anonymous said...

I was going to say that whenever anyone asks me to hold the elevator doors, I have to pass my hand along the path of the electric eye as I can never find the 'door open' button fast enough AND interpret the arrows correctly. (But, then I never took 'Elevator Etiquette for Dummies' and will press both UP and DOWN arrows at once, to catch an elevator on its way up or down.) In this case, it would've been a good thing to still be intellectually challenged about holding elevator doors open. Ooops, sorry!

RehabRN said...

Sometimes, you just DON'T want to be there.

Next time, I think I'd let the elevator door close.

Anonymous said...

"Really? gee, that could be bad. Sorry, this is my floor, gotta go."

Anonymous said...

Sounds like he could be coming down with something.

Shellye said...

It started out as a typical exchange of small talk and then...

Mal said...

Refer him to the cardiologist in the lunch line.

arzt4empfaenger said...

But what was your advice? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Perhaps he should switch hands to see if the headache is bi....

Andy Syms said...

Maybe a headache is a good trade off for reducing his risk of prostate cancer...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3072021.stm

:-)

tbunni said...

@ Packer - Am I the only one who snickered when you asked if you were being a Jerk? I'm the only female in my rather uninhibited family, so I have been trained by the finest in gutter humor...

Natalia AL said...

Asking for a friend? :)

Anonymous said...

Meh, we have few boundaries. I think obsgyn would probably be the worst offenders by nature of profession, but we in neurology are REALLY open about migraines. Like, REAAALLY open. And that's cool. I ask my patients all kinds of personal questions (eg Do you get a severe headache after orgasm?) and it's not fair of me to demand such openness without at least being honest and straightforward in return.

 
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