Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The buzz


Eric

Last week Mrs. Grumpy bought a big jar of honey.

Yesterday morning we discovered one of the kids had put it in the freezer for no clear reason (and of course, no one admitted to it).

It had crystallized, so wouldn't go back to being a liquid easily. Since she didn't want to toss the whole thing, she scooped it into a pot and set it on the stove to liquify.

Then she got distracted with fighting kids, and forgot about it. So it boiled and went all over the stove and gave off a shitload of smoke. Which set off the smoke detectors, and then the fire alarm.

While the kids panicked like it was the apocalypse, I turned off the alarm, and she began cleaning the stove. The kitchen was filled with the sickeningly sweet smell of burning honey, so I sent the tribe to open the doors and windows and turn on ceiling fans.

Then suddenly the twins began screaming and running down the hall as, attracted by the smell, a bunch of bees came flying in. So I began killing them, and sent Frank to go close the doors.

He ran to get the front door, then yelled for me to come there. So I went up front and watched as a fire truck pulled into our driveway. Our alarm company had called them without even dialing the house to check.

I apologized to the guys, and explained what happened. I told them to ignore the twins, who by now had locked themselves in a bedroom and stuffed towels under the door to keep bees out, and were yelling out the window for the firemen to come help kill the bees. They laughed and drove off.

It took about 30 minutes to get rid of all the bees inside, but the smell was so strong we had to leave the windows open the rest of the day, during which time a bunch of them hovered menacingly outside the screens.

How was your weekend?

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

You can just put the whole jar into a pot of water and heat that. Next time.

River said...

You killed bees???

On purpose??
Shame on you, there must have been some way of getting them out of the house.

Steve Hillman said...

You can turn crystallized honey back into gooey liquid goodness by just running hot water over the outside of the bottle. No stove needed. Or bees. Or firetrucks.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone get stung in this catastrophe?

Elli said...

"I began killing them." Twins or bees?

Because maybe the twins weren't begging the firemen to rescue them from the bees.

Just saying.

I managed not to kill my children either.

Happy work week.

Anonymous said...

Next time nuke it in small batches. Works just fine.

Anonymous said...

See what happens when you try to eat healthy? Chocolate bar in the freezer? No problem. Just sayin'

Mad Jack said...

My weekend? Not as lively as yours, it seems.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, I'm also having a hard time getting past the wanton bee slaughter. I thought everybody knew that honey bees are struggling for their collective survival right now.

Anonymous said...

Wow...just when you didn't think the weekend could get worse, you get to come here and read all the fun, judgmental comments from the peanut gallery!

Hope the house smells better and that you have a calmer evening.

bobbie said...

All you needed was a yak running through the house, too!

Noelle said...

Haha, I'd love to see the rest of you remember to save the bees the next time a swarm of them comes at you...

Ms. Donna said...

The advice about defrosting/reconstituting honey in a warm pan of water is correct. Useless fact: honey keeps for a long time, and does not seem to spoil easily.

Seems you needed two highly educated folks to get the fire dep't coming. I hope Mrs. Grumpy got a look at them and their suspenders (I can confirm that most firefighters of the male persuasion are pleasant for females to look at.)

As for the bees, I hope no one in the family is allergic. Of course, if someone was to have anaphylaxis, there is at least one medical professional on hand, and Yak herders know about outdoor stuff. AND those firefighters know about this stuff, too.

All this fuss with one jar of honey.

Don said...

Our fire department would have offered to help remove the smoke from the house. We have large electric fans that would have desmoked the house in short order.

As a plus, it might have moved some of the bees back outside without hurting them too.

Anonymous said...

Our weekend was fine, thanks. We developed a leak in our water service line, near the foundation. Fortunately, we noticed the leak, because the water was flowing into the basement. It's still leaking, though last night we did turn off the main at the shutoff valve by the street. The plumbers are coming tomorrow. We may start to smell bad, soon. I am going to try to create a culvert in the basement (with weather stripping putty. I wonder if it will work) so we can turn on our water for a couple of hours this evening. (Another option: fill panty hose with sand, for mini linear sand bags to direct the water to the basement floor drain.) TRADE YOU THIS FOR THE HONEY DEBACLE!

Packer said...

Be glad you don't live in Bear country.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Pooh! Memorable, memorial, what's the dif?

B. Girard said...

Seriously? You killed bees on purpose? Because they aren't struggling enough? Most of the people I know make fun of people who kill bees by accident, let alone on purpose. Shame on you.

Nurse Lilly said...

Wow, Dr. G. After reading the comments above I hadn't previously realized what a truly horrible human being you are. I guess we're getting close to someone describing you with Godwin's Law here.

Saddam Hussein said...

YOU KILLED BEES? WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER ARE YOU?

Anonymous said...

I know emotions run high about bees. Truly if bees go we all go within 5 years.

It must not have been a lot of smoke since smoke makes bees docile.

You get a D in bees.

Lisa said...

This morning I told a highly educated surgeon to have the maintenence crew sprinkle diatomaceous earth around the perimeter of the building and in the drop ceiling to rid her office of earwigs without using toxic chemicals. Now I was going to tell a neurologist to boil a large pan of water and place the honey in it for an hour or two, but everyone else already did that. You and Mrs. Grumpy are obviously highly intelligent people, but no one can know everything. That's what Google is for.

matt johnson said...

Wow a lot of people are attacking you for the bees. Are you sure that you aren't secretly a mass murdering sociopath plotting the death of humankind one honey "accident" at a time?

Anonymous said...

I think I just found a method to attract bees to the bee box I just put outside. Thanks for the tip to burn honey but does that only attract the Nazi bees?

Kim said...

Oh my, you bee lovers...buzz off! Hahaha, I crack myself up. Seriously, if 30 bees swarmed into your house I'm guessing you'd have the same reaction. I know I would. I'm actually afraid of bees and I tend to run while waving my arms wildly and screaming when they are near me.

Chivas Owle said...

The only part of this I am going to remember is that apparently the worst thing you can do is kill bees.

Swarm of bees in your house? Coexist.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you Kim. Have been stung enough times as a child to know that it hurts like the dickens. OK, leave the bees alone outside but inside, on MY turf where they have arrived uninvited, they are going.

What would the bee protectors have done?

We are missing the bigger picture here as well. Yes, bees actually DIE when they make the honey. Heaven knows how many of the poor souls Mrs. Grumpy killed simply by purchasing the container of honey in the first place. Let's not forget this.

True vegans will not eat honey, just sayin'. Love the stuff, but the bees do die. It's pretty gross actually.

Anonymous said...

Oops gave incorrect info, only some bees die when making the honey. The rest live and eat the honey.

Any male bee who mates with the queen bee will die, yet that seems to be the main purpose of the male bee, to mate with the queen bee.

All of the worker bees are female, who knew?

Your Doctor's Wife said...

My smoke detector went off once while we were remodeling our house. Our alarm company did call. I purposely told them I wasn't sure what was going on, please send out the trucks. I immediately called my single gal pals and told them to leave work and rush to my house for Firefighter Palooza! They all left work immediately.

Anonymous said...

For the record, If I saw the bees, I would've run for the hills. I'm ok with a little honey-bee homicide. Getting rid of the bees is a Daddy job anyway. When it's a Daddy job, I don't comment on method as long as I don't have to do it!

Ledasmom said...

The other firefighter appreciators may want to know that in Missoula, Montana there is the Smokejumper Visitor Center, where you may have a tour of where the smokejumpers live and work, which has been known to include partially-dressed smokejumpers. You will also quite likely have a smokejumper show you around. We had Rocky. He was the main thing my mother and I remembered about the visit.
We often have police and firefighters and such doing water-rescue training in the little pond down the hill from us. They usually feel the need to shed some of their wet clothes when they come out of the water. I usually feel the need to slow down while walking by.

Sal Paradise said...

Since no one else has done it, I award you half an internet for naming the bee shown Eric.

For those not in the know...

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Thank you, Sal. I didn't think anyone had noticed.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I just spent the whole thing at the hospital, working. I'd rather do that than have bees.

I'm with Anonymous... bees, wasps, yellowjackets, or spiders who show up in my house on my turf DIE. You may have a wonderful purpose in nature (except yellowjackets, which have no redeeming feature), but NOT in my house.

Anonymous said...

I'M GUESSING WITH THE COST OF FIRE RESCUE, ADDITIONAL ELECTRICITY FOR AC/VENT, FANS, LAUNDRY FOR ALL THE TOWELS USED BY THE TWINS (HAVE TO SAY CONGRADS TO MOM, THAT DRILL WORKED, AT OUR HOUSE FIRE DRILL WE JUST MET AT THE MAILBOX), LAUNDRY FOR KITCHEN CLEAN UP (MELTED SUGAR GOES EVERYWHERE, LIKE MELTED ICE CREAM IN THE CAR), MOM TIME TO CLEAN UP MESS, AND DAD CLEANING TIME TO CLEAN UP BEE REMAINS = HONEY COST FOR SALVAGED BOTTLE UP TO ABOUT 3500.00/POUND. JUST A GUESS.
COST OF GREAT STORY.. PRICELESS (FAST FORWARD TO ENGAGEMENT PARTY IN 20 YEARS)

Anonymous said...

Am preparing for road trip to US national parks with tweens/new teen, and re-read this with focus on memorization (in preparation of a laugh at the ready when something equally delightful occurs, and we all know it will...)

OMDG said...

At least everyone was wearing their clothes when this happened.

 
Locations of visitors to this page