Thursday, December 5, 2013

Dr. Grumpy's gift guide

How many times a day do you find yourself wondering "Gee, how many eggs do I have at home?" 5? 10? 78?

If you're like me, you really don't care. But, if this a subject of serious importance to you,  it creates a real dilemma. I mean, if you're at the store, you can always hedge your bets and buy more eggs, but what if you get home and find you already have some? Then you have more eggs than you need, taking up space you could be chilling Diet Coke in.

By the same token, you can NOT buy them, then get home and find you're out. And now your plans to serve cheese omelets at the formal dinner party are in disarray.

Sure, you can always call home and ask someone, but if your kids are like mine they won't look. They'll set the phone down, play Metroid for 2 minutes, then pick it up and give me a made-up number.

But now... THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED!!!




The Egg Minder is the latest in modern chicken ovum tracking devices. It's a computerized egg tray that keeps count of how many eggs are left and which one is the oldest. AND you can access this valuable data from your smartphone anytime! It will even send you a push notification when you're running low. So you never have to have an "OMG HOW MANY EGGS ARE LEFT AT HOME?!!!" panic attack ever again.

It also holds 14 eggs. Since they're generally sold in multiples of 12, those with OCD will need to buy 7 dozen eggs and 6 Egg Minders to get a perfect fit. And then you just know you'll drop one while transferring them.

24 comments:

Mal said...

I just automatically buy more eggs. Sometimes I find I have 2 full 15 egg cartons.
Eggs actually don't need to be refrigerated, and are actually better to use at room temperature than chilled. They also last well beyond the useby date.
If you're uncertain, place all the eggs in a large bowl of water. Any that float to the top are bad. Any that stand upright should be used in the next few days, the rest are fine to store.

This product seems to be yet another gadget that is unnecessary, and makes life more complicated, while claiming to make life easier.



RogerBW said...

7 dozen eggs and 6 Egg Minders, I believe.

Presumably, in common with smart fridges and other modern electronics, it will also tell some company just what your egg consumption patterns are and show you appropriate advertisements (probably for Lipitor).

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Oops. Thanks, Roger. I fixed it. I was never good at math.

Kim said...

Because it's so difficult to just make a list of the things you need before you go to the store and then take the list with you.

I know, I know...I am so horribly out of touch. I actually have a PIECE OF PAPER that hangs on my fridge and if anyone needs something from the grocery store they...oh my goodness, you're not going to believe how primitive we are...WRITE IT DOWN ON THE PIECE OF PAPER ON THE FRIDGE...IN PEN! Then I take the paper with me and go off to the store and I buy what is on the list, with a few omissions. My son does not need the 4 cases of Mountain Dew he added to the list.

Officer Cynical said...

At my house, I can tell the oldest eggs because they have hatched and small yellow birds are running loose in my fridge.

Stacey Gordon said...

Like Roger mentioned...It's not about convenience, it's about a sneaky way to get your info...
It's just another sensor for the data mines...

pygmy rattler said...

Do these work on gator eggs?
Every Friday, I go out in the backyard and squeeze one of the female gators around the middle.
They do get pissy but out plops about eleven eggs. This Egg Minder seems like a good idea if I could just ducttape the tray to the lady gator's nether regions and then go from there.

Anonymous said...

In the US, you have to refrigerate eggs as they have been washed. In Europe, unwashed eggs can be the norm and they don't need to be kept cold in the stores.

Nana said...

I don't use a lot of eggs, but have a friend who insists that eggs should be bought (and used) in regular rotation. I'd buy this for her, but she has ADHD with a touch of OCD...and it would make her crazy (or crazier).

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain...why must everything be electronic?

But watch out because it creeps up on you. Last week I wrote my usual grocery list...and then took a picture of it with my phone and used that at the store. I don't really know why.

Anonymous said...

Laughed at the math...7 dozen eggs and 6 gadgets. Been doing math with stepson. Sounds like one of his least common multiple problems.

Anonymous said...

Would never work at my house. There would always be action figures, marbles, and other trinkets taking up egg spots and throwing off my data. How would I ever know to buy eggs?

And where do the Egg Beaters go?

ladyk73 said...

how does it know which eggs are oldest...if it can exam that...that would be cool... does it go out to my chicken coop and gather them too? What if I accidently leave an egg in my pocket? Sometimes I find eggs when I lock up the coop and forget to put them in fridge... What they tell me where my chickens are hiding at night?

Anonymous said...

Do they have one that will work with tequila shots? I really hate it when I runs outttt of em.

Anonymous said...

It presumably holds 14 eggs so you can buy a dozen when you are low (say 1 or 2 eggs) instead of waiting until you are out to hold the full dozem.

Anonymous said...

Can NOT believe it. (Or, rather, I cannot believe this would EVER be useful in my house. How in the world would I remember to remember how to figure out which were the oldest eggs when I got home? I can't even remember to bring grocery coupons with me when I go shopping!)

As a kid we had a dozen or so chickens take up enforced residence in a specially constructed hen house for our human family supply. Mother just rinsed them off and put them in a big bowl in the frig. and when there were too many, it was time to bake cakes or take them to old Mrs. Broody down the road. And, there were never any too old, with seven siblings.

As others have suggested, this sort of device would be more stressful than its worth in having it. First where would I keep it? In my purse? Mixed with the flashlight batteries --some used and some new--that I've been collecting to ask my son to test for electricity when he finds his volt-meter, Swiss Army knife, mini scissors that I would loan for use in an emergency tracheotomy if the Swiss Army knife is confiscated by TSA, nearly empty bottle of 99% alcohol, two pebbles a friend asked me to pick up in my last trip as she collects rocks, extra pair of prescription sunglasses (I wear my sunglasses at night), packet of aromatherapy chamomile, mini-bunsen burner and supply of butane gas--(now, that would probably get me arrested by the police if the TSA did not detain me), two metal bus tokens, a list of Ken Uehara's greatest hits in case I need a topic of discussion with my brother-in-law..., then, there's the matter of being stressed out if my husband checks in the frig. and notices we're low and he buys the eggs, while I have the app, plus the matter of worrying about paying the electricity bill on time to not have the electricity shut off, and what happens if the eggs get moved around in the frig. and lose contact with them?

Nope. There's still a far bigger problem in my home. My son is convinced he needs to train for boxing and he has to eat 8 eggs a day at least to ingest 70 grams of protein while he is in training. That many eggs coming and going is too much for one's sanity to keep track.

Maybe, I should start petitioning the local City Council to allow chickens (necessarily a rooster) into our neighborhood, and have a little shed next to the side of the house where the bedrooms are located.

Anonymous said...

Kim, we do the very same thing at our house. And then leave the list in the car.
I don't suffer from OCD but I do have CDO. It's the same as OCD but the words are in alphabetical order. LIke they should be.

RehabRN said...

Grumpy:

Why not just buy that smart fridge? http://www.psfk.com/2012/01/samsumg-smart-fridge.html

Kim said...

Anonymous 8:33...HAHAHA! Yeah, I put my M&Ms in alphabetical order the other day. Have an equal amount of Ms and Ws. :)

I've never left my list in the car because as soon as I take it off the fridge I shove it into my pocket. I did deposit it at the bank once, though. The deposit slip was also in my pocket and I grabbed both. Bet the tellers got a laugh out of that!

Julie said...

I use the OMGosh "paper and pen" method too - somehow "pet horse" keeps getting added to it.

Eggs ... well the last lot I bought were at $6.99/dz (for normal everyday non-fancy) eggs, so won't be doing that often.

(That's AUD$ but we're not far off parity).

Anonymous said...

Can't believe nobody's said this yet:

This is egg-cellent, egg-sqisite, and egg-strodinary!! This story was just made for bad yolks.

Is the NSA monitoring this to let the Obamacare people know how many eggs you're eating? And will you rates go up and down depending on how the talking heads on TV feel about eggs that day?

Anonymous said...

//egg algorithm
do {
if ( hatched == TRUE ) {
count++;
}
if ( count >= total ) {
break;
}
} while (TRUE);
printf("You now have %i eggs", count");

bunkywise said...

I swear to God this was an actual conversation Husband and I had in Costco this week. And we did buy more eggs, just in case. I have to send him this, in case he's confused about what constitutes Christmas presents.

Anonymous said...

so crazy- just let the app communicate DIRECTLY with the grocery, and they can deliver when necesssary- take yourself out of the process...

 
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