Monday, April 25, 2011

Things you hear on call

I was on call this weekend, and during my appointed rounds I overheard the following quotes, which you won't normally hear outside a hospital:

"I cleaned it up. I can clean up vomit like nobody's business."

"You should have seen her on the toilet! She pees like a mad woman!"

"He has scabs all over his penis from scratching it. It's gross. There's more scab than penis."

Nurse Night: "I told the lady in room 37 that I liked her hair style."
Nurse Day: "Yeah, I think it's a good one, too."
Nurse Night: "She took it off and handed it to me!"

17 comments:

Officer Cynical said...

You forgot, "I can't sit down, I have a turd in my pants." Oh yeah, that was ME that heard that. Never mind.

donna said...

I am a wee bit cocerned that housekeeping saw the blanket!! (on
so many levels.. :o
He could not cover up the boys while there? I KNOW he did not see this while an exam was going on!

BTW: Double gross for a monday morning! Out of Diet Coke are we??

Anonymous said...

Hospitals, a slice of life.

Don said...

I worked as a janitor for a nursing home a few years back, and disdainful conversation regarding the patients was actually rare, even on second shift. OTOH, some of the male patients were quite "interested" in some of the female staff, and I had to assist a few of the staff when things got out of hand.
I should note that the men who did this were all suffering from dementia, and I doubt that any of them would have done something like this if they were undemented.
Most of the conversations that I overheard while mopping the areas around the nursing stations were about the nurses and aides at the other stations. Some of those were along the lines of your quotes, but using more words that rhyme with duck...
I enjoyed working at the nursing home, but I was glad to get back into my field. Now, I can curse my computer instead of my co-workers!

The Mother said...

Which is generally why we try not to be in hospitals any more than absolutely necessary.

ERP said...

"Wow, did you see how much pus was in that abscess?!?!"
"Yeah, it was nasty!"
"Yeah, so what are you having for lunch"

jondavid said...

somebody has to have these conversations.

Anonymous said...

One of my overheard favorites.

"OK Mr. Jones. We're giving you a phone back but if you call 911 to tell them there's a hostage situation at Local Hospital, you won't get it back during this stay."

Axl Rose said...

@ERP - In preparing for a life in medicine, I have taken to eating my meals whilst watching "Bones", and I appear to have totally unhitched my "I'ma puke" reflex from my "this is gross" reflex! That tip's free y'all :)

Packer said...

Riveting.

I would have chimed in earlier, but the %^&*( computer crashed.

Kat's Kats said...

@Axl Rose - I keep telling my kids they would do well in forensics or medicine since they've watched "Bones", forensic shows & similar shows with me while eating meals since I deemed them old enough to do so. In my family that means, can you ask intelligent questions about what you are seeing/reading and understand the answers? Are you bothered by it? Do you have nightmares about it? If the answers are yes, no & no then you are allowed access.

I also like "Bones" for my son since he has Aspergers and I can point out how the main character interacts with others as opposed to how the other characters interact.

Anonymous said...

Okay, what does a mad woman pee like?

shonyB said...

@Anonymous 2:20pm

Must mean someone pissed her off?



This blog makes my day so many times. Thaks Doc.

bobbie said...

You know you're a nurse when...

So many memories ~

Mingle said...

@Axl Rose: "Bones" was my favorite show when I was catching up via Netflix and eating my dinners :P
Nothing beats a nice roasted lemon herb chicken meal accompanied by images of fake-but-realistic-and-gross-looking decomposed soup

Watercolor said...

The last one made me laugh loudly enough to wake up the dog.

Don said...

I've seen some pretty gross and grisly real life things over the years, and saw some unpleasant stuff while working at the nursing home.
But I have gotten to the point that I can barely watch anything on TV because of the artificial violence. Yes, I know it is fake, both the violence and the gore. But it still makes me physically ill at times, and gives me bad nightmares for quite some time afterwards.
Even some movies that are G rated bother me a lot.

 
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