Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Shining Lights of Education

The twins (Craig and Marie) routinely beat the crap out of each other. This is such a normal occurrence at our house that we just ignore it unless at least one liter of blood is spilled.

So after I got home from work today, the phone rang.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hello?"

Mrs. Playground: "Is this the father of Marie Grumpy?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."

Mrs. Playground: "I'm the playground supervisor at Wingnut Elementary School, and I have to notify you that Marie was involved in a playground fight today, with a boy at school."

Dr. Grumpy (glancing out the window at the twins gouging each others eyes out on the trampoline): "Is she in trouble?"

Mrs. Playground: "Yes, she has to miss recess tomorrow. She and the boy suffered some minor scrapes, so I need to notify the parents of both children."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, thank you."


I hung up the phone, looked at Mrs. Grumpy, and began counting. "5-4-3-2..." As soon as I got to "1", the phone rang. I bit my tongue, hard.



Dr. Grumpy: "Hello?"

Mrs. Playground: "Is this the father of Craig Grumpy?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."

Mrs. Playground: "I'm the playground supervisor at Wingnut Elementary School, and I have to notify you that Craig was involved in a playground fight today, with a girl at school..."


I can see why she's the "playground supervisor", whatever the hell that means.

35 comments:

Silliyak said...

When my wife was a principal and she was told there was an "emergency" her first question was , "Are there lawyers or blood involved?" If not , it was not an emergency.

Kim Kasch said...

Now come on, playground supervisor - that's a hard job. I'd be a blubbering idiot at the end of a shift.

Adam said...

Unless your real surname is uncommon (ie not Smith or Johnson), she may not be as much of an idiot as someone might orignally think.

Anonymous said...

I just keep telling myself that the bell curve of intelligence has to have some people to the left of average.

Maha said...

What good is childhood if you can't pummel your siblings? Your kids are too freaking awesome!

The RPh said...

Doesn't it make you feel safe know that is the person supervising your children day in and day out?

Julie said...

hehehehehe .... **shakes head** she didn't twig? that's funny ....

PinkLAM said...

You just can't make this stuff up...
This worries me slightly.

terri c said...

Too wonderful...

Anonymous said...

Wow, she is almost overqualified to work for our ambulance communication center. They call us in the ED with report, and half the time they can't tell us if the pt is male or female, and most of the time a 'red' is really a 'yellow', and vice-versa.

River said...

While answering the first phone call you should have asked if the boy in question was her twin,saving her the trouble of the second call.

Susan said...

Stupervisor sounds more like it!

Albinoblackbear said...

Hahahahah...wow. In Canada I could say "our tax dollars hard at work" but I have no idea how the public system works there so all I can say is "wow".

My brother and sister are twins as well. They fought when they were little and then my brother refused to acknowledge he had a sister until they were done high school.

Kit Halsted said...

Sounds like a prime example of the Dilbert principle.

ER's Mom said...

She didn't realize she dialed the same fricken phone number? Or that the two had the same last name?

Marie sounds like she's a little spitfire!

Old MD Girl said...

That's freaking hilarious. Has this happened before?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Not to this extent, but yes, similar stuff has happened.

Most people think Frank and Craig are the twins, and never guess it's Craig and Marie.

The Good Cook said...

I don't think I would be qualified to be a playground supervisor - oh, wait, I was a manager at a large corporation - never mind, same thing.

BTW - if I get epilepsy from the flashing Walmart ad on your sidebar will you wave my copay? ;-)

Doris said...

Let me guess...they get to miss recess in the same room?

>:D

Helen said...

You have the coolest kids.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Doris- absolutely correct. So I'm guessing that will be another call tonight.

Anonymous said...

Revenge was sweet at Show & Tell time in grade school when a sibling was in the same class. Teachers usually wised up to that with the first incident, and one took in on the hiney at home (kidding). But, didn't get to monkey around too much when there were several of us all within a couple years of each other + father was teacher at the same school.

Sounds like the Craig and Marie will do just fine; just think what it'd be like later if all was peaches and cream at the competitive stage?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

They are in separate classes. School policy is to keep twins apart, since one will often try to speak for the other.

But they are on recess together, and kill each other then.

Celeste said...

So, would you ever let on to the playground supervisor that the kids were sibs? Just to either wake her up to reality, or let her know that next time she can make a single phone call and get done quicker?

Unfortunately education is just a job to many people, and burnout is rampant.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Celeste- I don't want to do that. Then I might not have blog material.

Cheryl said...

Oh, dear. We strain the gnats and leave the camels, don't we?

Or in the words of my mom, "It's all because of the %$#@ lawyers!!!!"

stewbert said...

hahahaha. Brilliant.

Doris said...

Dr. Grumpy...

Um...I think that's two calls.

BWAHahahahahahahaha!

>:p

DreamingTree said...

Wow -- that was so ridiculous, that I couldn't predict it was coming. Very funny.

Of course, the real issue is that she probably had to make separate calls due to confidentiality rules. ;-)

ERP said...

Maybe they should be dispensed boxing gloves when the go outside for recess.

The Mother said...

My rule for getting involved was generally loss of consciousness, broken bones or apparent hemophilia.

I have taken many calls from school officials. Most are pretty annoyed when, after ascertaining that none of the above have taken place, I hang up.

Clark Kent's Lunchbox said...

I wondering when it finally dawned on her to make the connection.

Did the school just high the Target Lady from SNL?

Moose said...

Awesome. Just awesome.

NY pharmacy intern said...

Sadly I never had a sibling to beat up but I got to hear tales of my father and uncle beating each other, though ususally it was my father hitting his elder brother (by 10 years). The one story I can remember was my father hitting his brother in the head with a hammer when they were about 6 and 16 respectively.

Samantha said...

Sadly, oh so sadly, after 3 'incidents', a mother pulled her child out of a school my neighbour works at, due to escalating violence.

The child's fingers got pinched by her locker door, another child accidentaly hit her leg with a lunch box, and the final straw? She managed to get a paper-cut in class, and the teacher didn't send her to the office to report it.

Mother used terms like "escalating violence" and "unable to protect my child" and pulled her out of this semi-private free school, into a public one.
If she ever needs a neurologist, I'm sending her to you... =D

 
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