Monday, June 7, 2021

Show and tell

This is Frank.

As you guys know, for a little over a year I've been working as a courtesy clerk at Local Grocery, bagging purchases, collecting carts, and dealing with the public.

In that year, which rapidly became the most insane year any of us could have imagined, me and my co-workers have faced toilet paper wars, fights over cans of beans and bottles of hand sanitizer, and assholes who feel they need to scream at a guy collecting shopping carts for minimum wage about mask requirements.

But nothing - and I mean nothing - could have prepared me for what happened last week.

I was working the afternoon shift, bagging groceries as people came through. An endless stream of produce, canned stuff, frozen food, whatever, which I'm tossing into bags and trying not to smash anything. Fill a bag with 5 items, turn, put it in the cart, wash, rinse, repeat.

And then... it happened.

As I leaned forward to bag a lady's purchase, somehow, without me noticing it, part of my work shorts got hooked on the metal piece that holds the empties up.

When I turned to put the bag in her cart... RRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPPP.

The lady dropped her sunglasses.

The guy behind her stopped talking on his phone.

I was so zoned into grocery-bagging-autopilot that I didn't even realize what had happened until the cashier I was working with yelled "OH MY GOD! FRANK!" as she dropped the handheld scanner.

I looked down. This is pretty much what everyone saw:



My manager looked over when he heard the cashier scream. Thinking quickly, he grabbed the intercom mic and yelled for anyone working back in deli to bring an apron up front, like, NOW!

Unfortunately, while this would (sort of) solve the problem, it also resulted in all the customers at check-out suddenly looking around to see why an apron was needed so urgently, as I covered my tighty whities with a plastic bag of frozen pizza dough, asparagus, and 2 cans of minestrone.

The sunglasses were okay.

The handheld scanner was also okay.

My dad ran to Target to get me another pair of shorts.

They let me wear the apron home that night.


RC said...

I see you inherited your dad's ability to tell a great story! So glad the sunglasses were ok... lol

bobbie said...

Great story, Frank! Well written and told ~

animal lover said...

Thank God you were not going "commando" that day!

jono said...

What Animal Lover said.

Packer said...

Always wear clean underwear in case there is an accident...
Pretty sure the cashier yelled Oh, my God Frank because she was suitably impressed, don’t lie
Quick thinking manager, must be a front end manager
Thank goodness no one was injured, OSHA reports would be tough
I think we now know why the are called bag racks or sack hangers

evodevo said...

LOLOL Packer!!!

gloria p said...

I love the quick-thinking manager's call for an apron. I hope that's the worst thing that happens this summer. Keep on keeping on, Frank. I like the way you write.

Andy Syms said...

Many moons ago (about 45 years of them) I was fresh into my first job out of Uni. One day I was going into the terminal room (PCs hadn't been invented back then) and the door handle hooked into a belt loop on my trousers. As I pushed the door open there was a load ripping sound as my zip was torn asunder.

Someone came up with the bright idea that I could staple my fly shut. So for the rest of the day whenever I wanted to pee I could be seen leaving the office carrying a stapler.

Shash said...

So about 40 years ago, I was in 2-week position of "Store Manager" in our Tech College class of Supermarket Management. We ran a small supermarket in the heart of the school, primarily providing lunches and small sundries for the other students. I was, at the time, the only female in the class.

One day, my fellow students kept pulling me aside to tell me that my pants were ripped. They had pulled these stunts before. I would know if my pants had ripped. Ha ha.

But one of the instructors said, "We aren't lying. Your pants are ripped." In fact, the center back thread had basically rotted apart (favorite pants, worn frequently). Boom, off to supply, grabbed a second apron and put it on backwards underneath the front apron. I, too, got to wear my apron(s) home that night.

Thanks for taking me back there.

Gary A. Hill said...

tip: black shorts

Anonymous said...

Sis had impeccable taste and one of the items I inherited when she died was her multicolored paisley orange, red, and beige cotton gauze wraparound midi-skirt. She died three years before and I was thinking of her dressing for a particularly busy day in the pharmacy satellite. Going back and forth from the main pharmacy for drips and narcotics and this and that. So in our location on the third floor, it was either run up the stairs or use the elevator. Consolidating several errands, with arms and pockets full, the elevator button was barely within reach. When it arrived with the lunch crowd returning to work. Voila! As if on cue, the skirt dropped as I entered. (That was a long time ago, when womens' slips were a thing. One of the co-workers had the audacity to mention it.)

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