Monday, November 6, 2017

Breaking news!

From around the world, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters brings you the stories that impact your lives.

DATELINE: Pennsylvania, USA

Mr. Steven Rago, who was out on bail for simple assault, went to court to pay his fees.

While there he noticed another person, also waiting in line to pay charges, had set his wallet on the counter. Mr. Rago quickly pocketed it. A few minutes later he used the stolen money to pay his own fees.

The entire episode was caught on camera, and Mr. Rago's bail was rescinded due to the new charges.

DATELINE: Osnabrueck, Germany

A man in a movie theater had difficulty opening the bottle of beer he'd purchased for the show. Rather than leaving the flick to use the church key at the concessions counter, he innovatively tried to pop it open with something in his pocket.

In this case, a pepper-spray canister.

The pepper cartridge exploded, flooding the theater with the noxious stuff and causing the evacuation of 200 tearing moviegoers. The cinema's manager called the police, and was able to get the theater's air cleared after about 30 minutes.

No word as to whether he got the beer open.

DATELINE: Bretten, Germany.

An 81 year old man working around his house called the police bomb squad when he discovered what appeared to be an unexploded WW2 bomb in his garden.

Responding officers identified the explosive as actually being a "particularly large" zucchini.

The zucchini was 16" (40cm) land and weighed 11 lbs (5kg).

One police officer noted it "really did look very like a bomb.”

The offending squash's fate wasn't given.


Winston Churchill said...

We have to make the enemy eat courgette in every way that is physically and reasonably possible.

Loren Pechtel said...

Well, one could say zucchini has explosive growth...

Kerlyssa said...

I like that the officer backed him up.

Anonymous said...

Methinks he's been off his zucchini for a while.

Anonymous said...

in german newspapers the fate was given: compost

Ms. Donna said...

Zucchini is evil and should be destroyed at every opportunity. Ditto broccoli.

Me said...

How long before a micro-brewery comes up with a hot pepper lager?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Is that an exploding pepper spray cartridge in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Anonymous said...

Hey, babe, want to check out my zucchini? It's particularly large. Some people think it's the bomb.

Anonymous said...

Smell-O-Vision returns!

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