Mr. Vague: "I'm not sure. Maybe I don't understand what you're asking?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Well, last time you were here we were talking about your leg pain. Does it hurt more or less since then? Or is it about the same?"
Mr. Vague: "That's a really hard question. I'm not sure what you want me to say."
Dr. Grumpy: "Just tell me how your leg feels."
Mr. Vague: "Are there any easier questions? Like what I'm allergic too, or the name of my dog?
No, folks, he wasn't cognitively impaired.
17 comments:
My first lol of the day. Thank you!
He must be a riot at his eye exam...you know, the old "Is this better or is this?" line of questioning.
You see, Doctor, the first day you gave me samples (and I was happy with it) and you sent a script for Fukitol ER, it was filled by the mail-order with Sukitol plain by mistake and I had to call someone to get it correct, and in the meantime, my dog ate a few tablets and I dropped one down the sink one morning, and it was my birthday last week and ... where was I going with this story ... but, I ran into something in the night and stubbed my toe, maybe broke it, but I slept funny for a couple days, and now I don't know if it's my leg or my toe or no medicine, plus some other things that have caused considerable anxiety, my car's brake pads were worn out in the front because the bearing under the drive shaft was worn out and the bushings wore out too, and I was having to use all my force to stop at the corner from the cul-de-sac where I live when one of those schoolkids was running to the bus one morning, so now I have to show up in court and, well. I think if I hadn't started on the drug in the first place and just walked the dog more often. She didn't seem to mind my flopping foot all that much. Sorry, Doc, I didn't want to take up all this time to answer your question, but I had to think through it. My leg doesn't hurt when I touch it anymore. So, that's a good sign. Right?
Ragweed/Oliver, whew not so tough.
"Ten seconds, Bob..."
>No, folks, he wasn't cognitively impaired.
Yes, he was. Even if it doesn't fit a clinical diagnosis, these answers prove he's somehow impaired.
As the lawyers would say, res ipsa loquitur - "the thing itself speaks"...
Sometimes it hurts more and sometimes it hurts less so he couldn't give an answer as to more, less or the same?
The guy wants some more of that good pain med you gave him. If he tells you that the pain is better, you won't give him any because he doesn't need it. If he says that the pain is just as bad as it was, you won't give him any because, obviously, it didn't work. He has to put just the right spin on it ... hence ... "That's a really hard question. I'm not sure what you want me to say." (Tell me the magic words, doc, to get some more good stuff.)
Maybe he wasn't really paying attention, and didn't want to admit that he wasn't. So he tapdanced around the subject, and came off sounding worse.
In the words famously voiced by Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke,
"What we've got here is failure to communicate"
"I'd like to use one of my lifelines."
"I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"
This is embarrassing, but I actually understand this. I am terrible at quantifying pain and a complete failure at deciding "is this better... or this" at eye exams.
Signed,
Mrs. Vague
I'm not sure what response you want with this post.
To anonymous at 9:11: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
--Queen Anne's Lace
"I try to avoid judgmental terms like 'better' and 'worse.'"
"Okay, I banged my leg when I was jacking off at my computer and I slipped on some lube and fell off the chair. Happy now?"
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