Monday, August 22, 2011

Summer Vacation, Day 9

Being trapped in the hotel room in the morning is a torture session. Why? Because the only kids’ channel is Nick Jr., which is far below my gang’s ages. So we watch such moronic fare as "Team Umizoomi" until showers are done and I'm ready to slit my wrists.

After getting hosed for $100 (and that was cheap by Vegas standards, obviously) at a mediocre buffet last night, we were in no mood to try another. So we took the kids to McD’s for breakfast. The 4 bags they gave us seemed a little unusual for the 5 items we’d ordered, but I took them and wandered back to the table... Where Mrs. Grumpy discovered that, in addition to our regular order, we’d been given 27 orders of hash browns.

If you’re a McD’s shareholder who lost money on the error (or an Idaho potato farmer who made some) I must say it was unintentional and not my fault.

This is the lobby carpeting at the Excalibur. It’s a meaningless design, unless you’re a neurologist. Then it looks like a drawing of a nerve cell releasing packets of neurotransmitters across the synapse.

In a sign that all rock groups eventually sell out, the Excalibur is building "Lynard Skynard's Barbecue" (Freebird chicken sandwich, anyone?). Not that I have anything against selling-out. Hell, someone, please, buy me.

Today we went to Hoover Dam, then walked up to the new bypass bridge. It’s a helluva view, and you realize that if an oncoming semi-truck goes out of control, you have a choice between its grill or the canyon 900 feet down.

And here, from the top of Hoover dam, are (left to right) Craig’s hair, Craig, Frank, and Marie. Although you can’t see the line, Craig and his hair are in Arizona while Frank and Marie are in Nevada. And, as I said last year, all 3 are disguised as part of the Federal Witless Protection Program.

Shortly after this was taken Craig asked to leave because the wind was messing up his hair.

Then a fight broke out, because we'd all been in Nevada for a few days, but only Craig had been in Arizona (which was, say, a foot away). So Frank and Marie had a confrontation over who got to be the 2nd Grumpy child ever to go in Arizona, which ended when I pushed them both across the state line. Then they argued over who got to come back to Nevada first (it's a painted white line on the sidewalk, FFS!).

After all, one of the inalienable rights of siblings is that of fighting over stupid shit.

We talked about doing the dam tour, but the boys refused to go because it didn't include the room where they keep the Transformers.

On the drive back from the dam, the kids wanted to stop for lunch. After the fight on the dam I just opened the cooler and handed them a bunch of leftover McD's hash browns.

After getting back to the Excalibur, the kids and Mrs. Grumpy went down to the pool, and I went to play blackjack (I won $15). As I was sitting there... it happened.

Mrs. Sawme: “Hey! It’s Dr. Grumpy! What are you doing here?”

Dr. Grumpy: “Oh, Hi, Mrs. Sawme. Funny to see you here.”

Mrs. Sawme: “That surgeon you sent me to for my corroded artery...”

Dr. Grumpy: “Carotid.”

Mrs. Sawme: “Was awesome! Look at how well my scar is healing!” (rolls down shirt collar).

Dealer: “Sir, were you going to bet on this hand?”

Dr. Grumpy: “Uh, no. I, um, need to go.”

Dealer: “I understand.”

Mrs. Sawme: “Bye, Dr. Grumpy! Hey, do you know when my next appointment is?”

Dr. Grumpy: “No, call Mary. It was nice seeing you.”

Tonight, amidst much wailing and gnashing of teeth, we dragged the kids to see the Bellagio fountains “Dad! It’s just water.” And then the music started, and they shut up.

I lost the $15 bucks back to the Mirage. And they don’t even have the cool white tigers up front anymore. That sucks. Between that and the manatees the world is just going to hell on a handcart.


Anonymous said...

I think that carpet design is based on the holdfast of bull kelp.

bobbie said...

"In a sign that all rock groups eventually sell out, the Excalibur is building "Lynard Skynard's Barbecue" (Freebird chicken sandwich, anyone?)." You have NO idea how much this depresses me...

But I do agree on what the carpet pattern looks like... either that, or poppy flowers releasing their seeds, which is a whole other mind trip in itself!!

Anonymous said...

But at least Craig's hair will keep things looking up for your family? Hence the 27 orders of hash browns?

How many times have you been stopped on your family vacation about what a great head of hair Craig Grumpy has?

Your kids and The Boss go back to school late, it seems. All the schools in my area, started back about a week ago, some today, and thank G-d the district I live in are being picked up at 7:23 tomorrow morning.

What's next up on Summer Adventures with the Grumy Family?

All kidding (and hair) aside, it sounds like you are having a lovely time.

Anonymous said...

hmmmm....maybe it is because I'm female, but to me the carpet looks like fallopian tubes accepting eggs just ovulated eggs.

Anonymous said...

The Bellagio fountains were pretty awesome. They did a show to the pink panther theme as we passed by (I'm an Aussie). One of the coolest things i've seen water do.

Doctor Zorro said...

Nice to see someone else whose kids fight over nothing. Since mine were old enough to throw a punch, and still now, they have bickered over who sits where in the car.

cliffintokyo said...

Ultra-imaginative post on the neuro-carpet, dude. Perhaps we could order some for the office, to make the patients feel, like, at home? And remind you of a great vac?
Must say, in the photo you posted, Craig's hair looks the tidiest of the three Grumpettes; does he use plasticizer like my sons?

Anonymous said...

"Sweet home Alabama
Where the sweet potato pie is home-made.
And for $1.50 more comes with ice cream."

Anonymous said...

TEAM CRAIG'S HAIR! Looking rather styly for being wind whipped. Did Craig also bring his hair products with him?

Not laughing at you, but with you. My sister has an 11 year old boy and is going the same ordeal.

What point in time did tween boys start giving a crap about their hair?

Love skull shirt.

As an artist, I often use medical pictures for pattern ideas. The carpet manufacturer's fabric designer just might have used your idea.

Love the vaycay tales.


Word vert:.pathid
Craig thought his hair looked totally pathid and didn't want to leave the hotel.

OldSquid said...

The rug also looks like a video game of pack man and space invaders.

B! said...

Craig's new obsession with his hair is just adorable. From the photo, it looks pretty nice! Bieber-tastic.

ER's Mom said...

Glad to see someone else's kids fight about dumbass things like mine do.


Sarah Glenn said...

Enough hair spray will = hair that doesn't budge. Maybe Mrs. Grumpy remembers the Big Hair Era (1980s) and can instruct him in this technique.

moontoad said...

I think Craig's hair needs brushing again.

And those are stylized lotus flowers.

Packer said...

Vacation is officially over when you eat McD's hash browns.

Hildy said...

I have never understood the appeal of Las Vegas. I used to go there regularly to visit a client and generally stayed at one of the hotels on or near the strip. Seems like all the hotels make you navigate the casino floor to get anywhere including out of the hotel. The decor is always Disneyland on steroids. And the din of the slot machines at 7am while I searched for lifegiving coffee made my head want to explode. But most pathetic, there were always people slumped half-comatose in front of the slots, even at that ungodly hour of the morning. Of course, as these were business trips, the per diem didn't cover real food much less entertainment, so maybe had I been able to enjoy the delights LV offers I might have felt kindlier toward the place.

Anonymous said...

WV = hairmat! I kid you not!

OK. There have been humans for a loooong time but even a neurologist can't find the magic brain button to get them to behave in a reasonable manner. What hope do the rest of us have? And why do all the young of other animals behave so much better? I personally am hoping for some sort of technology to assist us parents in managing immature humans.

Just curious

Anonymous said...

off topic - awesome APOD pic today!

ndenunz said...

So, do you hit on 16 if the dealer is showing a 10 or a face card?


Amy said...

My vote for worst kids' channel is Cartoon Network. Disney XD is tolerable, but the moment my kids put on CN in the hotel room, I can hear it just by the way the characters talk and the loudness, and I make them change it because I can't stand it.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever eaten at Buca di Beppo? It's a chain restaurant but it's really good. The first one I ever ate at was the one in Vegas. Here's a link to the Vegas menu with prices:

Family style Italian, probably much cheaper and more tasty than your standard Vegas buffet. We were staying on the strip when I went, and I honestly think we walked there...or maybe it was a short cab ride. Definitely close enough for you to try it.

Mockingbird said...

A small point of correction:Lynyrd Skynyrd.
(I was an equipment transport professional for the band in summer, 1970).

Trish said...

Lived in LV for about 10 years. Way back when they actually had a Wet 'n' Wild and Scandia Fun Center - of course they tore them down the year I left because there weren't enough Casinos there already and they desperately needed the space.

Too bad about the Tigers, they were worth seeing. I was in a case rodding a femur the night they brought Roy into the OR next to the one I was circulating (UMC only has 3 trauma OR suites). They sent thank-you cheescakes to EVERY ward in the hospital afterward. I always thought they'd go on with the show in some way. Their house takes up a city block on Owens in NLV. I wonder if they still have the tigers at their house? Dear God, I'm rambling. Feel free to delete this

Trish said...

Oh and thanks for posting a picture of Craig's hair. Be grateful he hasn't discovered gel yet. My son's a Marine and when not on duty, spends 2 hours gelling the 1/8" of hair he has left at the top until it's 'just so'.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, been following the holiday posts for the past few days...

And it feels like I'm on holiday too ;-)

Great posting :-)

pharmacy chick said...

Im sure somebody was truly pissed because they didn't get their 27 orders of hashbrowns. LOL

Anonymous said...

lotus seeds in that carpet. since you are surely in the land of the lotus eaters.

C said...

cripes, I think all your offspring have surreptitiously joined the Blue Man Group and are...well..turning blue. Guess when you see them every day you fail to notice small incremental changes.

Anonymous said...

Did you take any dam pictures? Or did your kids have any dam questions on the tour? (movie reference)

Anonymous said...

I have taught at about nine different colleges in fourteen years (that's the life of an adjunct) and because I have had sooooo many students in my lectures I cannot ever, ever, ever be guaranteed of being alone or anonymous anywhere. Not at the gym, out clothes shopping, or standing in line at the Target trying to buy tampons - running into a student is a virtual guarantee. So I feel your pain, Dr. G, I really do.

(And don't even get me started on trying to spice up married life; I would sooner see my marital relations dry up completely or get divorced before I would walk into one of "those" stores and see a student behind the counter.)

PA Honeybee said...

Anonymous: (And don't even get me started on trying to spice up married life; I would sooner see my marital relations dry up completely or get divorced before I would walk into one of "those" stores and see a student behind the counter.)

Where's your sense of adventure? The psychological reaction of a former (hopefully) student ringing you up for your "spices" would be amusing. Watching the reaction on their faces should be enough to enable you to do as you wish. HaHa!

kat79 said...

"After all, one of the inalienable rights of siblings is that of fighting over stupid shit."
^This sums up my entire summer vacation. Lets just say I did a happy dance when the school bus pulled away from the houe yesterday.

Best line
"We talked about doing the dam tour, but the boys refused to go because it didn't include the room where they keep the Transformers."
Made my day!

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