Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Kate's Desk

This story is absolutely true, as hard as it may be to believe. It happened roughly 10 years ago, when I had a secretary named Kate. I was reminded of it by a post a while back on Fast Food Pharmacy.

Kate: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Kate."

Mr. Collie: "Yeah, does Dr. Grumpy treat seizures?"

Kate: "Yes, he does."

Mr. Collie: "Then I'd like to make an appointment for my son."

Kate: "Okay, what's his insurance?"

Mr. Collie: "He doesn't have any, we'll pay cash."

Kate: "Okay, what's his name?"

Mr. Collie: "Wind. I guess, Wind Collie"

Kate: "Okay, and how old is Wind?"

Mr. Collie: "He's 7."

Kate: "Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Grumpy doesn't see anyone under 18."

Mr. Collie: "Well it's, uh, more like he's an adult, because he's 49 in human years."

Kate: "WHAT! You mean he's a dog?"

Mr. Collie: "No. Ummm... Well, sort of, I mean... Yes."

Kate: "You'll need to take him to a vet, sir."

Mr. Collie: "I don't like our vet. Can't you guys just see him?"

Kate: "No, sir. We only treat people."

Mr. Collie: "That's ridiculous." (hangs up)

Kate quit 3 days later.


Enfermero said...

heh heh. I think I would like taking care of a dog admitted for eeg monitoring. Especially compared to some of the human patients.

Outrider said...

Well, it's only fair. My clients ask me about human medical problems all the time. I tell them they're the wrong species.

Anonymous said...

I'm a receptionist at a GP clinic and the local vet has mistakenly put our number as theirs.

The first time somebody rang up for an appointment for their dog/cat/bird/fish/turtle/monkey/dinosaur was funny.

Three weeks later, it's getting hard to keep my cool when I get yelled at for not squeezing in the above animals with the doctor.

"They're a general practitioner, right, that means they see general problems"

"Yes, ma'am, general *human* problems"

Ellie said...

Poor Kate. No, sorry, poor dog.

RehabNurse said...


Pros: They won't talk back.
Cons: They might bite and/or leave presents in your exam room.

Well, I guess since you have that already with some people, why add pets?

ERP said...

I am absolutely sure the dog would be you best and most pleasant patient - one you would truly look forward to seeing.

KateA said...

We had some crazy woman come haring into our vet hospital waiting room. She had just been bitten by a dog. Usually people coming in after something like that just want proof of rabies vax. This crazy lady starts yelling that she has to have a rabies shot RIGHT NOW. I explain that the human rabies shot is much different than a dog or a cat, not to mention that the one species of animal I am *not* allowed to work on is the human. She left in a huff.
I next saw her out on a morning walk in the neighborhood wearing a big turkey hat on her head. Surprising, huh.

Angela said...

LOL!! Well there are sometimes a human formulation of a pet medication that is cheaper... but usually the vet recomends those...


bb said...

Perhaps this was his dog:

FARMINGTON, N.M. - The patient was only slightly injured when he limped into a hospital in the northwest New Mexico city of Farmington.

The only problem was, he was a dog.

When the automatic doors at San Juan Regional Medical Center's emergency room slid open Saturday night, the pooch walked in, blood on his nose and paw, and a puncture hole in one leg.
Story continues below ↓advertisement | your ad here

Animal control officer Robin Loev responded to a call from the hospital and suspects the puncture wound was from the bite of another dog.

Loev says the German shepherd mix appeared to be intelligent and calm — and knew enough to go to the right place.

The animal was taken to the Farmington Animal Shelter and claimed by its owner.

Gloria P said...

"Kate quit 3 days later."

You say that as if you are surprised. I know you have some strange folk to deal with, but I suspect you are better compensated for it than employees like Kate. (Yes it makes a difference.)

Jess said...

Veterinarian medications are much cheaper.

As a side not, I once knew someone that had a vet friend that sewed up a really nasty injury from a circular saw. It worked in a pinch, but the final outcome wasn't what was anticipated.

OMDG said...

I actually talked to one of the neurologists at my med school about my parents' dog who had seizures. Apparently dogs can't take phenytoin? Poor baby died of status. :-(

My father was really bad at making sure he took his pheonbarb.

Anonymous said...

sometimes my big animal vet gives me better info for my ailments than my gp.

Anonymous said...

Excellent story. My patients are pretty awesome...except for when you need an EKG from a biting wiggly Dachshund or a blood pressure reading from an Evil Cat who just wants to scratch &/or eat the world...

terri c said...

Hee hee hee. Good story. I think some of us find crazy folks with crazy questions fascinating and others don't. I'm the former type and would probably enjoy most of Dr. Grumpy's callers.

Anonymous said...

So you never found out whether the dog's name was indicative of a need for Mr Bibbo's Blanket?

Amy said...

Must have watched that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer goes to the vet instead of the doctor...

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