Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Morning, 12:14 a.m.

My cell rings. It's that most dreaded of all numbers, the Local Hospital ER.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Clerk: "Please hold for Dr. Wokemeup."

(pause, bad music)

Dr. Wokemeup: "Hi, Grumpy?"

Dr. Grumpy: "What's up?"

Dr. Wokemeup: "Do you know a patient named Mr. Headbleed?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, doesn't sound familiar."

Dr. Wokemeup: "I didn't think you would. He's visiting from out of state, and says he doesn't have any local docs. Anyway, it doesn't matter. At the family's request we're transferring him to Major Neurology University Medical Center. Thanks for returning my call."

And he hung up.


Pharmer Jane said...

and I thought the page I had last night (Sunday at 10pm) was bad..."What time will the pharmacy deliver my medications on Tuesday?" I have no idea. Call the pharmacy when they open at 9am.

Kathy said...

For crying out loud. Are you sure it wasn't a dream you had, because that's the stupidest call a person could make in the history of stupid calls.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I wish it was a dream.

I've gotten far worse. If you look back through my archives you''ll find them, with similar day/time titles.

CrownedwithVictory said...

Dr. Wokemeup needs to get more sleep.

The Mother said...

Classic. SO glad hubby doesn't take night call anymore.

Pink said...

Reminds me of that bad joke:

What do you call a doctor who made straight D's through medical school?


J-Quell'n said...

Thanks for the info?

Anonymous said...

Once upon a time when i still take calls:

*3am. beeper vibrates*

me: yah... someone paged for the pharmacist-on-call?

nurse: yes... i, erm... have to give 350mg of drug X... but i'm not sure how much to syringe out...

me: wat does it say on the vial?

nurse: 100mg/ml...

me: ahuh... so?

nurse: so... how much do i draw out from the vial??

me: *speechless*

Thank God I no longer take any calls now. Yipee! :))


Anonymous said...

Dr. Grumpy? Do you know my father? He's never been to your practice, or even your fact, he died about 10 years ago. Thanks for reading this! Bye!

Dr. Phil said...

I think part of it is the whole ER mindset... The ER doc knows pretty quickly that Mr. Headbleed will be admitted... Before he even hangs up with radiology he has the clerk page three neurologists in hopes that one will call back/be on call/admit the poor guy. Then eventually he talks to the family and oops! They have a different plan. At least they didn't say "we didn't call you..." my all time favorite!

Ware are we?? said...

If the patient said he had no local doctors then why in the world did you get a call at all?? apparently the doctor calling was an inconsiderate, stupid ass. does he have a grudge against you? I'd remember his name and make the same stupid call to him in the middle of the night in the future. spiteful?? me?? nah !

Lilorfnannie said...

I had the same thought- note the guy's name and do the same thing back someday.

ToBlog today said...

Can you imagine what this would look like in a text message?

Dr. we have a patient, headbleed, U dont know him, dont worry, he's outta here. Just thought U shld know.

Nurse K said...

It's literally probably a retarded protocol like where someone has a head bleed you have to call the neurologist on call for stroke and document the time that you called.

Anonymous said...

I hope to God I never have to be admitted to the hospital on an emergency basis, and I'm cancelling my upcoming elective surgery. I've heard enough! Hooto was my verification word today

Doctor D said...

Yeah, probably some BS protocol that requires him to talk to a local doc before transfer.

I used to work at a hospital where we would get in trouble if we transferred anyone without informing the medical director, but the medical director (who made the rule) got pissed when you called him at night. Brilliant!

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