Patient quote of the day

"I want to find a new GI doctor. I can never get in to see my current one. The only face time I ever had with her was during my colonoscopy."

Spirochetes: Bringing joy wherever they go

This showed up on my fax machine last night:





Because, you know, people always look that happy when told they should be tested for syphilis.

Weenie barbecue

In spite of my daily attempts to keep patients sane (at the expense of myself, Annie, and Mary) bizarre news continues to happen.

Thank you, Katy!

Define "fatal"

Mr. Reaper: "Sorry I had to cancel last month. My mom had a fatal heart attack."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry."

Mr. Reaper: "It's okay. She's better now, and just started cardiac rehab."

Love and marriage

Dr. Grumpy: "Anything else going on?"

Mr. Discord: "My wife and I are having a lot of conflict. I have these health problems, and she's more concerned with other junk than she is with me."

Lady Discord: "That's not true! I always put you first."

Mr. Discord: "So we're going to counseling..."

(Lady Discord whips out iPhone, starts texting)

Mr. Discord: "What are you doing?"

Lady Discord: "Updating my Facebook status, so my friends know we're at the doctor."

Tonight's forecast: Cold. And not getting any warmer.

As I've said before, this blog is mostly about the insanity of medical practice.

But sometimes things are too weird not to share...

Some of you have written asking way I only post links, rather than the stories themselves. I do this to avoid any sort of copyright issues.

Cartoon characters gone bad

When robbing a convenience store you should wear a disguise.

Some disguises are better than others.

Thank you, LJ!

Unwanted attention

A doctor in my building is retiring, and selling off his practice's stuff.

So yesterday morning he put signs all over the building saying "OFFICE CLOSING! EVERYTHING MUST GO! FURNITURE! OFFICE SUPPLIES! COMPUTER! MEDICAL EQUIPMENT" with his phone number and suite in surprisingly small print at the bottom.

And, on my floor, he put the flier right outside my office.

So all day long Pissy and I's staff were inundated by people coming in to see what we're selling, making us offers on the lobby chairs, asking our staff if they needed new jobs, etc.

And, of course, the way rumors spread I've gotten several calls from other docs who've heard I'm closing up. And panicked patients who are afraid they'll have to find a new neurologist.

One hot set of wheels

There are many alternatives to a car for transportation.

This is not of them.

Thank you, JLG!

Must be a really old model

Patient quote of the day:

Mr. Moore: "I just got a new computer. It has a 1 trilobite hard drive."

Labor Day Holiday, 4:37 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Mr. McGuire: "Yeah, I'm all out of my medicine, and need it called in."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, I can do that. What pharmacy do you want it called to?"

Mr. McGuire "Well, I normally use TAP Pharmacy, but they're closed for the holiday."

Dr. Grumpy: "There's a 24 hour Pills-R-Us I can call it to."

Mr.McGuire : "Yeah, but my insurance won't cover me there. Can you call the people at TAP Pharmacy and make them come in and open for me?"

Random pictures

Today is a holiday here in the states (our equivalent of May Day). I understand many countries have parades on May Day. In America we traditionally watch sporting events on television and grill/eat large amounts of beef.

Anyway, since I'm busy fixing the barbecue so Mrs. Grumpy can cook a yak, I'm just putting up pictures my readers have sent.

(click on images to enlarge)


First, a reader in Arizona found this headline in her local online paper. Apparently the Mesa School District is trying to find new teachers. And with good reason:




Next, we have this delicious looking snack for neurologists and zombies:







To prove that the "City of Brotherly Love" is still alive and well, a reader from Philadelphia sent in a note he found on his windshield:






And, finally, for those new parents out there trying to save money, Amazon is selling used diapers:

Sunday reruns

People use different phrases to mean the same thing. Case in point: migraines.

Some patients say "I have migraines". Others say "I get migraines". Occasionally one will use the odd phrase (at least to me) "I take migraines" to mean the same thing (I always want to ask who they're taking them from).

But today I had a lady who used a more, uh interesting, phrase.

When she gets a migraine she has to go lie down in a dark room (which is common). So, for whatever reason, she uses this act to refer to the migraine.

In other words: when she gets a migraine, she calls it "going down".

It is remarkably hard to keep a straight face when the young lady across from me says things like:

"I went down 3 times last week."

"July was awful. I spent the entire month going down".

"I went down on Saturday. I had to do it in front of my kids, too."

And, as she was leaving, she said, "I feel another one coming on. I just know I'll be going down tonight, but have to wait until my husband gets home."

Memories...

In 1997 I was in Boston for a neurology meeting.

One morning I was walking from my hotel to the meeting, and stopped at a Starbucks on the way. After getting my order I sat down by the window to glance through a newspaper.

Suddenly an ambulance, sirens and lights on, came flying down the street outside at warp speed.

It screeeeeched to a stop in the middle of the street. 2 guys got out of the front, walked into the Starbucks, and waited patiently in line. They left the ambulance running in the middle of the street (blocking traffic) with the sirens and lights on.

When they got up to the counter, one used his radio and called the guy in the back with the patient to see what he wanted them to get him.

They got their order, walked back out, squealed the tires, and drove away at warp speed.

I was the only one there who seemed at all surprised.