DATELINE: MAINE
Police in Portland were called to investigate a traffic disturbance, namely one caused by a man dressed as a tree standing in the middle of the road.
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| CBS WGME |
Mr. Tree (my colleague Officer Cynical identified him as a Dendriticus idioticus) was asked to stop obstructing traffic. When he refused to do so he was placed under arrest.
An unidentified friend of his told officers the green fellow was "studying traffic patterns." I suppose it's possible he was trying not to be seen.
I highly recommend the original story here. It features a video of Mr. Tree being arrested while officers try to figure out which branches to put the cuffs on.
DATELINE: FLORIDA
A 28-year old man was leaving the Dancer's Royale strip club. Friends noticed he was intoxicated and asked him not to drive home, but he refused.
He got into his truck and was heading out of the lot when he somehow fell out of the driver's seat onto the road, and was run over by his own vehicle. He then fled the scene but his identity was quickly discovered as he'd left his driver's license behind.
The truck continued on its way down the road before crashing into a nearby home.
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| WFTV9, Florida |
An occupant of the home suffered non-life-threatening injuries.
Original story here.
DATELINE: WISCONSIN
Christina Ferguson, 32, was upset by a meeting of Donald Trump supporters that she passed and decided to, in the spirit of having a blood alcohol level of 0.218, vandalize their cars.
Unbeknownst to her, the meeting had nothing to do with Mr. Trump, but rather was a meeting of the local non-profit Tomorrow River Valley Conservation Club.
Armed with a family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy-style Jif peanut butter, Ms. Ferguson proceeded to smear the innocent TRVC club's cars with peanut butter, writing obscenities and drawing penises on them.
Ms. Ferguson initially denied involvement, but investigating officers noted she was holding a jar of peanut butter and "licking her fingers repeatedly" when they confronted her.
Chief deputy Dan Kontos told reporters, “Fortunately it wasn’t chunky peanut butter, so vehicles didn’t get scratched."
Story here.
14 comments:
And once again, Dr. Grumpy ferrets out proof that the world is being overrun with idiots. Those were FABULOUS, especially the tree.
He was dressed as a larch.
Vandalization via peanut butter. So mild. Apology and car washes for all involved.
What a refreshing break from the election B.S....
Oh ~ wait...
Idiots abound!
You made this stuff up. Dressed like a tree, what a sap, everyone is dressing like clowns not trees. I never heard of a drunk coming out of a Florida strip club and having his truck run into a house, Never happens in Florida. Woman upset over Trump Rally in Wisconsin, Wisconsin home of liberal democrats and cows (same thing) has no Trump rallies. Nice try Grumpy but you can't fool us.
Thank you. Definitely needed a laugh today.
Didn't stop chuckling all day. (And the photo of the person dressed as overgrown pile of pine boughs will not stay unseen and unremembered in my mind, in this area of the country, whether or not my BAC is above or below the limit.)
I was reading that quickly and read the last officers name as Don Knots
Thank you. I was feeling out of touch with reality but I now know for sure that, not just in politics, reality has shifted.
If you're fed up with the US election, check out Iceland's election in which the Pirate Party is leading!
Obviously a math issue. Gee, I'm a Tree!
Ran over by his own vehicle?! Can't stop laughing.
The Medic Mind
So nice to see a weird Portland story that wasn't my Portland (OR)for a change! In the Pacific Northwest, we usually just climb the trees, not impersonate them, but now I'm afraid some fellow citizens may become inspired... Oh, dear...
You Americans are losing your freaking minds. Get it together guys.
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