Hungry? Bow bow bow...

At Local Hospital, about 30 minutes before mealtime, someone from "Dietary Services" (previously known as the cafeteria) walks into a patient's room to take their order, entering it on an iPad.

Obviously, the staff hired to do this are not medical people. They're usually teenagers. Some are doing it as a job, others to get some background in hospitals for a college application, some are even volunteers doing it because their school requires community service.

Generally they're a fairly upbeat, happy, bunch. It probably beats flipping burgers and asking "do you want fries with that?" Hell, some days I wish I had that kind of enthusiasm for my job.

Anyway.

I was on call this past weekend, and yesterday morning saw a sweet old lady, who'd suffered a stroke the night before. Her language function was limited to saying "yes."

After examining her I sat down at the station to review her tests and dictate a note. The nurse came over and we talked about my orders.

As we chatted, one of the perky cafeteria staff went into the room and began her spiel.

Miss Chipper: "Hi, Mrs. Broca. I'm from dietary services. Would you like scrambled eggs for breakfast?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "We also have vegetable omelets today. You want one of those, too?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "Pancakes?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "My, you're hungry today!"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "We have plain, chocolate chip, and blueberry pancakes. Any of those sound good?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "How about I bring you one of each?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."


The nurse and I were hysterical, leaning against the wall and each other, trying not to start cackling aloud. She bit her tongue. 


Miss Chipper: "We have turkey bacon and sausage."

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "I'll get you a little of each. Would you like coffee?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."


The nurse and I are envisioning this immense Las-Vegas-buffet sized cart being pushed up to the room.


Miss Chipper: "Now, for juice, we have apple, tomato, orange, and prune."

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "You like them all? Is one of each okay?"

Mrs. Broca: "Yes."

Miss Chipper: "Do you want sugar and creamer in your coffee?"


The nurse couldn't take it anymore. With tears running down her face from laughing, she called Miss Chipper out and explained the situation to her.

It was a while before I was able to dictate a note.