Anyway, to get through work (I'm in solo practice, where we aren't allowed to take sick days. Only dead days are acceptable) I invited over my usual friends: Sudafed, Tylenol, Dextromethorphan, Guaifenesin, and Halls. When I'm sick, this gang and I know how to party.
To my horror, my old friend Halls has apparently been put on Prozac. In a bizarre move taken from fortune cookies, the company decided that infectious diseases should be made even more miserable by putting happy inspirational ditties on the wrapping.
So, this is where we are. It's no longer good enough to make a decent product for the snotty & hacking, but to provide ersatz emotional support with "a pep talk in every drop." Better yet, they even trademarked that statement.
Not that the comments help, either. When I'm sick my "game face" looks more like a death mask, and my "battle cry" has pulmonologists drooling. And I sure as hell wouldn't bet on myself.
Here's some others:
The last one I find particularly odd. "Hi-five yourself" sounds like a euphemism for, well, other things besides illness that require Kleenex.
20 comments:
Let's be creative and put some quotes on laxatives...
I have to wonder what they're printing on condoms.
Wouldn't that be a low five?
I think it was Kotex that used
to put similar "motivational"
crap on their feminine hygiene products
Letter
This winter I decided to take a different approach, fortify my immune system with Zinc tabs and Probiotics. I haven't had a cold all season long, and I have enough natural gas to heat 4 homes.
Agreeing with Localflighteast - some feminine hygiene company used to put that crap on their products - including "Have a happy period." If I could have gotten my hands on the asshole that made that decision (while I was busy having a "happy period") I'd be in jail right now.
Oddly enough, the exact same messages are printed on my toilet paper.
You can play the fortune cookie game and add "in bed" to every saying.
I just love coming over here and reading your stuff- I laugh and cry. And the comments are priceless too.
My imagination is running riot about laxative slogans.
Thank you all for the laughs.
They forgot "Boot and Rally!"
I'm not sure if you're too observant or just work too hard to get the lozenge out. I've taken Halls and always just sort of sqeezed out the lozenge and never looked at the paper until you pointed this out today.
Yeah. The Always campaign to "Have a Happy Period" was classic. Obviously, their head of marketing is (or, hopefully, was) a man.
"Go for it"
It's sad that I recognized all the names of the medications.
I'd like to get my hands on marketing people who think peppy slogans are of any use when you're hacking your lungs up. It's not fun.
I remember the happy feminine product slogans. I switched products about then. (Their prices were getting silly.)
Don't we want sick people to be a little less motivated? I'd be putting, "STAY HOME! You're contagious!" on every wrapper.
Maybe those are actually meant for the workers in the cough drop plant.
In other news, Halls cough drops just reached #1 on the New York Times bestseller list in the "Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous" category.
All that peppy stuff is depressing, especially when you don't feel well.
The other day when I came in to work on some stuff somebody else thought she was going to have to do, she said "I'm so glad you're here. Have these!" and gave me a fistfull of those cough drops which really confused me 'cause I don't have a cold. I was wondering if maybe they were candies. They're still in my work clothes' pocket.
they are missing another market share = kinda like M&Ms, where you can order your own pics, slogans...
"told you so .. a new line:
..to get Flu shot"
...wash your hands"
..Not drink after him"
..not touch your face"
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