Monday, February 2, 2015

Cough drops

Last week I was sick (I'm fine now, thanks). It was just another nameless viral crud that my pet fomites kids brought home from school.

Anyway, to get through work (I'm in solo practice, where we aren't allowed to take sick days. Only dead days are acceptable) I invited over my usual friends: Sudafed, Tylenol, Dextromethorphan, Guaifenesin, and Halls. When I'm sick, this gang and I know how to party.

To my horror, my old friend Halls has apparently been put on Prozac. In a bizarre move taken from fortune cookies, the company decided that infectious diseases should be made even more miserable by putting happy inspirational ditties on the wrapping.




So, this is where we are. It's no longer good enough to make a decent product for the snotty & hacking, but to provide ersatz emotional support with "a pep talk in every drop." Better yet, they even trademarked that statement.

Not that the comments help, either. When I'm sick my "game face" looks more like a death mask, and my "battle cry" has pulmonologists drooling. And I sure as hell wouldn't bet on myself.

Here's some others:









The last one I find particularly odd. "Hi-five yourself" sounds like a euphemism for, well, other things besides illness that require Kleenex.

20 comments:

Pierre said...

Let's be creative and put some quotes on laxatives...

Nurse Lilly said...

I have to wonder what they're printing on condoms.

Bruce H. said...

Wouldn't that be a low five?

LocalFlightEast said...

I think it was Kotex that used
to put similar "motivational"
crap on their feminine hygiene products

Letter

Packer said...

This winter I decided to take a different approach, fortify my immune system with Zinc tabs and Probiotics. I haven't had a cold all season long, and I have enough natural gas to heat 4 homes.

Anonymous said...

Agreeing with Localflighteast - some feminine hygiene company used to put that crap on their products - including "Have a happy period." If I could have gotten my hands on the asshole that made that decision (while I was busy having a "happy period") I'd be in jail right now.

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, the exact same messages are printed on my toilet paper.

Anonymous said...

You can play the fortune cookie game and add "in bed" to every saying.

Pamela (LadyLuz) said...

I just love coming over here and reading your stuff- I laugh and cry. And the comments are priceless too.

My imagination is running riot about laxative slogans.

Thank you all for the laughs.

Chief Illiniwreck said...

They forgot "Boot and Rally!"

a.generic doc said...

I'm not sure if you're too observant or just work too hard to get the lozenge out. I've taken Halls and always just sort of sqeezed out the lozenge and never looked at the paper until you pointed this out today.

McDuckGA said...

Yeah. The Always campaign to "Have a Happy Period" was classic. Obviously, their head of marketing is (or, hopefully, was) a man.

Anonymous said...

"Go for it"

Candida Gomez said...

It's sad that I recognized all the names of the medications.

I'd like to get my hands on marketing people who think peppy slogans are of any use when you're hacking your lungs up. It's not fun.

I remember the happy feminine product slogans. I switched products about then. (Their prices were getting silly.)

Anonymous said...

Don't we want sick people to be a little less motivated? I'd be putting, "STAY HOME! You're contagious!" on every wrapper.

Anonymous said...

Maybe those are actually meant for the workers in the cough drop plant.

Whelk Lad! said...

In other news, Halls cough drops just reached #1 on the New York Times bestseller list in the "Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous" category.

Hattie said...

All that peppy stuff is depressing, especially when you don't feel well.

Jonah said...

The other day when I came in to work on some stuff somebody else thought she was going to have to do, she said "I'm so glad you're here. Have these!" and gave me a fistfull of those cough drops which really confused me 'cause I don't have a cold. I was wondering if maybe they were candies. They're still in my work clothes' pocket.

Anonymous said...

they are missing another market share = kinda like M&Ms, where you can order your own pics, slogans...

"told you so .. a new line:
..to get Flu shot"
...wash your hands"
..Not drink after him"
..not touch your face"

 
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