Monday, July 28, 2014


On call yesterday I was in ER, examining a lady who'd just had a seizure. From the other side of the curtain I hear this:

Her: "Did you cover it? I don't want to catch diseases."

Him: "Yes. Now I'm going to put it in."

Her: "Please be gentle. I'm very sensitive there."

Him: "Of course."

Her: "Is it in yet?"

Him: "Just a little bit, I need to put it in further."

Her: "Ow! Don't push so hard!"

Him: "Sorry... It's in now."

Her: "I can feel it."

Him: "And... I'm done. I pulled it out. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Her: "Only when you first put it in, but it went fast."

And it was... A male nurse checking a tympanic temperature on an elderly lady.


Your Doctor's Wife said...

Obviously a virgin.

Anonymous said...

"Wow! You're so hot!"

Anonymous said...

"The next time won't be nearly so bad."

The Patient Doc said...

It's funny how a lot of medical dialogue can be misinterpreted.

Anonymous said...

"Having it stuck in my ear is so much easier than in my ass!"

Anonymous said...

Why does this give me the feeling that her husband knows the only spot she's not sensitive?

Moose said...

Bow Chicka OW OW

Anonymous said...

The words no woman wants to utter: "but it went fast."

RehabRN said...


At least you heard enough to put it in perspective (and correctly assess what was going on).

I have had more than my share of patients stating the obvious loud enough for passersby to wonder what on earth was going on in their rooms while I was there.

Very uncomfortable!

Patients really DO say the darnedest things.

clairesmum said...

Nursing home catheterizations (often the only was to get a urine sample to check for infection that is not contaminated with ALL the germs in the neighborhood) have some interesting sound tracks as well..and what the patient then tells to visiting family members is a whole other story. Gotta chuckle or else it is just way too sad.

cliffintokyo said...

From the comments, it seems that the public also should learn a thing or two about not saying anything that they would not want the whole world to hear.
Perhaps it would be good if docs could create a new vocabulary of euphemisms, to replace the outmoded but useful Latin/Greek obfuscations!

Locations of visitors to this page