1. If you drive, don't drive drunk.
2. If you get caught for driving drunk, don't drive drunk again.
3. If you get caught for driving drunk a second time, don't drive drunk again.
4. If the police notice you're driving erratically because you're drunk (again), pull over.
5. Do not run away from your vehicle in the forest.
6. If you run away from your vehicle, do not leave your wallet in it.
7. Do not run through deep snow. You leave footprints.
8. If it is cold out, do not toss your jacket aside. If the footprints keep going, they will follow them, not your jacket.
9. Do not climb a frozen tree, especially to a height of 30 feet. You're not fooling anyone.
10. If cornered by police while up in the tree, do not ask them if they caught "the guy who was driving" in slurred speech.
11. If the police point out that there was only one set of tracks, do not insist that "the other guy" (presumably the one who was driving) carried you on his back.
12. Insisting that you're an innocent owl, instead of a drunk guy in a tree, isn't going to fool them.
13. Shaking the branches to make snow fall on officers, and then yelling "Look! It's snowing!" isn't going to make them go away. They will just get a chainsaw.
14. Claiming that you were "just out for a run" isn't compatible with previously claiming to have been an owl. They fly.
And if you don't think one drunk guy could do all of the above, think again.
9 comments:
Thanks for the good laugh doctor G!
Another one drunk behind the wheel of a moving car, but not the one who was driving. Freaky!
Officer Cynical, I am sure you have heard stories like this. But this one is GOOD. No one, except the owl's good name, was hurt. I hope.
Help Woodsy spread the word...
These are the people whom we in Connecticut fondly call "Massholes."
"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!"
Why did the cops need a search dog if there were footprints in the snow...?
Your account was more fun to read!
I saw a cougar asleep in a tree once. Granted it wasn't an owl, or a guy who thought he was an owl.
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