(no, folks, the patient doesn't have a left cortical lesion. Or dementia)
Friday, March 15, 2013
Patient quote of the day
(no, folks, the patient doesn't have a left cortical lesion. Or dementia)
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"I'm looking through a fishbowl, but without fish. This is because my left toenails are all pale, which explains my neck problems."
(no, folks, the patient doesn't have a left cortical lesion. Or dementia)
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
(no, folks, the patient doesn't have a left cortical lesion. Or dementia)
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
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Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
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Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
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2013
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March
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- Patient quote of the day
- Mary's desk, March 27, 2013
- WTF?
- Memories...
- Perseveration
- Weekend reruns
- Hospital rounds, Thursday night, 7:10 p.m.
- Reasons Mary drinks
- Advice for grads (new and old)
- Ouch
- Why do I bother?
- Patient quote of the day
- Mary's Desk, March, 2013
- Deja Vu
- History rerun
- Sunday afternoon
- "I've been through my MacBook on a drive with..."
- Great radiology reports
- Mary's desk
- And I feel fine
- The heat is on
- More great survey moments
- Sales call
- 1980's PSA, remade at my house
- I think they're trying to tell me something
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March
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24 comments:
r.i.g.h.t.
backing slowly out of the room ....
Prescribe a fish. Tell him to get some sandals and tan his feet. Send him on his way
No, the diagnosis is far worse than dementia or left cortical lesion. Far, far worse. Prognosis zero.
Based on my medical training (none), that makes perfect sense to me.
A lot of that going around.
Schizophrenia with formal thought disorder?
This patient belongs on my unit.
Turf to Psych...
If not a lesion, I guess ETOH or other mind-altering substance. Schizophrenia is also in the mix. Dr., are you going to explain?
Well, obviously.
"Great, how can I avoid having to tell the doctor that I wrenched my neck while attempting autofellatio? I'll think of something..."
Maybe this patient needs one of those pedicures with fish....
He's liking that medical marijuana, huh? I've heard college students having conversations like that...
How's the B12?
I get it, now. The patient answered his phone while in bed and when he opened his eyes was convinced the ceiling changed places with the floor and that he is actually creeping along the ceiling upside down, and strained his neck trying to examine whether his feet were touching the floor while he was hovering, meanwhile discovering inadvertently that the force of gravitation doesn't always work in the manner of the most convenient and acceptable laws of physics. Of course his toenails are pale, the blood has drained out of them. As for the goldfish bowl, well maybe he put the fish in the refrigerator when he came home from the pet store. It's called somnambulism, I think.
I wonder where that fish has gone! Oh, fishy, fishy, fishy, fish! That went wherever I did go!
I think you should tell us your findings. Otherwise I'll have to gaze into my fishbowl all night.
Wow, I can't even connect the pale toes to the neck problem, much less any fishbowl viewing. The autofellatio or maybe autoerotic asphyxiation?? is starting to look reasonable....
Uuhhhhh.....I'm skeerd....
James Joyce Syndrome?
Well he could have hurt his neck trying to get a really close look at those toenails. Perhaps he was trying to use an empty goldfish bowl as a lens?
Cause and effect all mixed up. The fishbowl on your head is making your neck sore, and is also making your left toenails look pale. Remove the fishbowl and all will be well. By the way, did you know your right toenails look kind of erythematous?
strep pneumo? lp?
I second this.
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