Friday, March 15, 2013

Patient quote of the day

"I'm looking through a fishbowl, but without fish. This is because my left toenails are all pale, which explains my neck problems."

(no, folks, the patient doesn't have a left cortical lesion. Or dementia)

24 comments:

Julie said...

r.i.g.h.t.

backing slowly out of the room ....

Anonymous said...

Prescribe a fish. Tell him to get some sandals and tan his feet. Send him on his way

Anonymous said...

No, the diagnosis is far worse than dementia or left cortical lesion. Far, far worse. Prognosis zero.

bunkywise said...

Based on my medical training (none), that makes perfect sense to me.

Packer said...

A lot of that going around.

Anonymous said...

Schizophrenia with formal thought disorder?

Medicoglia said...

This patient belongs on my unit.

bobbie said...

Turf to Psych...

Ms. Donna said...

If not a lesion, I guess ETOH or other mind-altering substance. Schizophrenia is also in the mix. Dr., are you going to explain?

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously.

Li'l Azathoth said...

"Great, how can I avoid having to tell the doctor that I wrenched my neck while attempting autofellatio? I'll think of something..."

Silja said...

Maybe this patient needs one of those pedicures with fish....

Kim said...

He's liking that medical marijuana, huh? I've heard college students having conversations like that...

Anonymous said...

How's the B12?

Anonymous said...

I get it, now. The patient answered his phone while in bed and when he opened his eyes was convinced the ceiling changed places with the floor and that he is actually creeping along the ceiling upside down, and strained his neck trying to examine whether his feet were touching the floor while he was hovering, meanwhile discovering inadvertently that the force of gravitation doesn't always work in the manner of the most convenient and acceptable laws of physics. Of course his toenails are pale, the blood has drained out of them. As for the goldfish bowl, well maybe he put the fish in the refrigerator when he came home from the pet store. It's called somnambulism, I think.

Anonymous said...

I wonder where that fish has gone! Oh, fishy, fishy, fishy, fish! That went wherever I did go!

gloria p said...

I think you should tell us your findings. Otherwise I'll have to gaze into my fishbowl all night.

ama said...

Wow, I can't even connect the pale toes to the neck problem, much less any fishbowl viewing. The autofellatio or maybe autoerotic asphyxiation?? is starting to look reasonable....

Patti Cadwallader said...

Uuhhhhh.....I'm skeerd....

John Woolman said...

James Joyce Syndrome?

Anonymous said...

Well he could have hurt his neck trying to get a really close look at those toenails. Perhaps he was trying to use an empty goldfish bowl as a lens?

Anonymous said...

Cause and effect all mixed up. The fishbowl on your head is making your neck sore, and is also making your left toenails look pale. Remove the fishbowl and all will be well. By the way, did you know your right toenails look kind of erythematous?

Anonymous said...

strep pneumo? lp?

peace said...

I second this.

 
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