Sunday, September 23, 2012

More from the artisanal mailbag

Okay, it's been a while since I bitched about the overuse of the word artisanal (see my artisanal whining page if you miss this sort of thing), so today I'm going to pick a few out from the pictures that I keep in a handcrafted folder on my computer desktop.

First we have perfume, which is likely handmade in some 3rd world chemical plant. The ad gets bonus irritant points for using handcrafted and artisan in the same sentence:

"We could fill these bottles with donkey piss, and people would still buy them. So let's do it."

This picture was sent by a reader living in China, to show that the word is now planet-wide, regardless of economic system.

"It sounds better if you use the word twice. As least that's what I think the English-as-a-2nd-language teacher said"

Next, from the United Kingdom, we have this place:

Is the trench digger artisanal? Or the power generator? Or the guy who takes your credit card when you order one?

Of course, no artisanal posting would be complete without something that grows in the dirt, was picked by someone making minimum wage, packaged by a machine, and had a label slapped on it.

Here in the U.S even a piece of paper is now artisanal:

If you're going to buy artisanal paper, you probably want a printer equal to the task:

"Handcrafted by mass-production assembly line machines in a Chinese sweatshop"

Lastly, it's important to remember that artisanal things can boldly go where no one has gone before:

"We canna go any faster, Captain! We're all out of handcrafted anti-matter!"


M said...

I was so sad when we were in London last week-- the memory card on my camera ran out of space and BAM started running in to artisinal stuff ALL OVER. It was like a plague!

Ami said...

My son worked in a bakery while he was in high school. They had Artisan Breads in all shapes and sizes with seeds and no seeds and chunks of this and that. And he used to come home and rant about how stupid people are, so many of them came and asked for 'Artesian Breads'

The question... is that MORE or LESS idiotic than naming everything Artisan?

Ivan Ilyich said...

The sign in China used "artisan" twice because it was written in French and English (and Chinese). Nothing wrong with that aspect of it.

Anonymous said...

Now that the Chinese have those mechanical sperm extractors you mention in your Twitter feed, are fertility clinics there going to start using the term "artisanal" to describe sperm that's produced by hand?

Just Me said...

Can I have a handcrafted digger please for assistance in building of digging my artisnal handcrafted giant hole. with the sole purpose of burying all this artisanl CRAP!!

Love your blog Dr Grumpy

Anonymous said...

I have a related peeve--"limited edition" cosmetics. The lipstick or whatever is the perfect color for you, you'd be pleased to buy another when the tube runs out--but you can't because it's a LE and no longer being made.

Isn't the cosmetic company shooting itself in the foot for the sake of a little snob appeal?

Packer said...

Break Grumpy's obsession with the artisinal, find a new overused word for him to focus on. "Please, if we cohesively act together in concert the synergy of our collective grouping will project us forward together."

Quopted material from Overheard PEP talk to HS Football team.

Crazy RxMan said...

I guess I shouldn't call Dr. Grumpy an Artisan blogger then.

C said...

just send me one of each of those things for the holidays....I like all of them. (ha ha)

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