Friday, September 28, 2012

Candor

Mrs. Camel: "I only get migraines when I snort cocaine."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't you quit?"

Mrs. Camel: "Nah. I'd rather just take a headache pill."

22 comments:

cliffintokyo said...

Mrs Camel? (Snort)
Seems to me she views the pain as a penance for the pleasure...but only because there is a pill to take to alleviate the migraine!
(Placebos next time? As a hint to quit snorting/ tough love from a caring doc, that is)

Mama D said...

Ok, I give. Why Camel?

Officer Cynical said...

I bet she can get those 800-mg Ibuprofens from her coke dealer.

Packer said...

Yea, Officer Cynical, I was thinking along those "lines".

Sounds like one to refer to Dr. Worthless across town, No ?

Don't Doctors have a system where they assess patient behavior as affecting treatment outcome before they get involved. A Doctor told me that a patient who lived on an Eastern European Pork Fat Diet and beer and cigarettes would not get his attention as Heart Doc. The Patient would have to address the issues first.

Carolyn said...

Good point, Packer. The orth surgeon who fixed my elbow is awesome - one of my mom's friends told me that I should NOT go to him, he is awful! When I asked why she told me that before he would do her knee replacement he wanted her to lose weight. She is significantly overweight. I can understand why he asked that, I can see how that would benefit her before, during and after surgery, but she thought he was an ass and doctor shopped until she found someone who would do it immediately.

Ivan Ilyich said...

I'm with Packer. Tell her to get straight, and refer her to a substance-abuse treatment program.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. I discovered it a couple of weeks ago and have read every entry. I have had plenty of laughs and pass some of the entries on to my son. Keep up the good work! (I carefully re-read my comment to make sure I didn't become fodder for your blog.)

Anonymous said...

She needs the "headache pills" to pay for the cocaine.

Anonymous said...

"I only get the arrhythmia when I snort cocaine." So, stop snorting cocaine. "Nah, I'd rather be defibrillated."

Li'l Azathoth said...

"Just between us, the only reason I even snort coke at all is so I'll have an excuse to take the headache pill."

Anonymous said...

Ah guys, Mrs Camel is the same lady from a few posts back, only this time she is using a different (and probably safer) substance. Nicely done Dr Grumpy!

RehabRN said...

People say the darnedest things.

My favorite (and really sad case): patient was the "good" one in the family and didn't do drugs. (we checked.)

Lo and behold he has a hemmorhage r/t "snowballing".

Really sucks when you're on life support for a couple of weeks until the fam decides to take you off.

Crazy RxMan said...

I wonder if Dr. Grumpy calls her Mrs. Camel because she reeks of cigarette smoke OR if it is because she rides a camel to her appointment.

Anonymous said...

@RehabRN: What is "snowballing," please? None of the definitions I could find sound like they'd cause a hemorrhage.

Ivan Ilyich said...

The definition I found has it as cocaine and heroin.

Anonymous said...

What are the ethics there? Would it be considered enabling to prescribe medication to someone to help them continue to use cocaine?

Anonymous said...

So what kind of "headache pills" has she been taking? Some of the comments seem to be assuming opiates, but IME most doctors won't prescribe narcotics for migraines.

And no, that's not because I look like a junkie. They'll offer me opiates for sinus infections, ear infections, back pain, and abdominal cramps. Just not migraines. Which is fine with me, narcotics tend to make the nausea worse.

RehabRN said...

Anon:

It's also known as speedball in certain areas...
http://www.cesar.umd.edu/cesar/drugs/cocaine.asp

Coke ain't pretty no matter what when it goes bad (stroke or heart attack a la Len Bias...eons ago)

Ivan Ilyich said...

Here is a link to medical complication of cocaine use. Hemorrhage is under "Pulmonary."

http://methoide.fcm.arizona.edu/infocenter/index.cfm?stid=212

Anonymous said...

@RehabRN: Ah, thanks! Speedballs I've heard of, but before this not cocaine+heroin = snowball. You learn something new every day.

Library-Gryffon said...

My one experience with cocaine was a legal one, the blue solution to shrink the sinus membranes for an exam. I was half expecting my grandmother's reaction to it (same thing, medically used) which was to feel fine, but have a three hour crying jag. Instead I just felt like someone was following me for the rest of the day.

Seriously, people want to feel that way and think it's fun? Or do I just have an atypical reaction to the stuff? Either way, if I had been the least bit tempted to try it before (which I hadn't), I certainly wasn't afterwards!

Old MD Girl said...

Well, you could have recommended that he only snort cocaine laced with heroin. I'm sure that would have been effective too.

 
Locations of visitors to this page