Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Dedication

Dr. Grumpy: "How you doing? You look tired."

Mrs. Colostrum: "It was a long night."

Dr. Grumpy: "Aren't you supposed to have your baby soon?"

Mrs. Colostrum: "Yeah, I delivered her this morning."

Dr. Grumpy: "THIS MORNING?"

Mrs. Colostrum: "Yeah, at Local Hospital next door."

Dr. Grumpy: "And they discharged you already?!!!"

Mrs. Colostrum: "Oh, no." (opens jacket, shows hospital gown underneath) "I just hate to miss scheduled appointments, so I walked over to your office. They think I'm at the gift shop."

31 comments:

jimbo26 said...

Rightttttttttttt . LOL

aryanhwy said...

I have to wonder what a new mother needs to purchase at a hospital gift shop...

But outside of the US, this wouldn't have been that unusual -- when my daughter was born last November, we checked into the hospital about 12:15, she was born at 13:11, and we were discharged about 17:15. There was no reason for us to stay, and I certainly wanted to be back at home in my own bed for recovery.

Anonymous said...

Compare that to someone who can never make it to their appointment on time. How do you not strangle them after another lame excuse?

Anonymous said...

Under the circumstances, I'm sure you would have been okay with her just calling to cancel.

Mary said...

I get charged $50 if I miss a scheduled appointment without a full business day's notification. But, I doubt I would come to see you. I didn't trust anyone with my newborns - especially the hospital!

Jayunderscorezero said...

Wow.

Julie said...

now that is impressive!

ER's Mom said...

As the delivering doc, if I had known I would have told the HUC to call & notify you (not consult).

And in the gift shop is CANDY!!! And other treats, better than the vending machines on the floor.

Packer said...

There are people who play in the NFL who aren't that tough.

When we were younger, my wife miscarried and we were in the hospital room for 8 hours and no one came in to see her, no nurse, no doctor, no one. I went looking every hour asking if anyone was going to come and see her, check on her , look in. At midnight we got up, I got her dressed and we walked out the door, through the quiet halls, passed the nurses station, past the security desk and startled security guard and out. So I believe it can very easily be done.

Ivan Ilyich said...

There is a possibility that from time to time Dr. G. Just makes stuff up to see what they'll swallow.

Kate said...

I couldn't have done this with my first; I'd had too many stitches and was in two much pain. With my second I had a birthing center birth (so no drugs) delivered at 7:30 and was on my way home before noon.

Vicki said...

My mom and I love the gift shop at our hospital! Our friends often get jealous with the beautiful watches and other jewelry that we get for great prices in the gift shop. They also have a lot of cute knick knacks around the shop. I've even done significant portions of my Christmas shopping at the gift shop! Great place!

a.generic doc said...

Be happy she didn't have an early morning appointment. You'd have been doing the delivery!

Amy said...

Not her first baby, I take it?

Ms. Donna said...

At least she did not see you when she was in active labor. I can hear GRumpy now: "Wrong end! Wrond END!"

Kim said...

My son was born via c-section after 16 hours of labor. 4 hours after he was born I filled out, addressed and stamped all the birth announcements. 6 hours after he was born I took a shower. 2 days after he was born I had enough of the hospital and checked us both out. 6 days after he was born I drove 700 miles. I do think I would have cancelled a same day appointment, though.

Anonymous said...

Hire her! Mary could use an assistant like her! Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor birth, will keep her from her appointed rounds.

Steeny Lou said...

My sixth hospital birth was so uneventful, the doctor said I could go home if I wanted within a few hours of the birth, but I chose to spend a night there so I could at least get one last peaceful sleep. Maybe things are different here in Canada as far as discharge rules.

By the way, I gave birth to my seventh baby at home, alone. Well, not completely alone. My husband was present, and five of my other kids were in bed. Here's the story if anyone's interested:

http://holy-sheepdip.blogspot.ca/2012/03/giving-birth-alone-by-choice.html

Anonymous said...

Well? Did she or did she not still have pieces of the umbilical stuck in her teeth?

Anonymous said...

Best. Patient. Ever.

myoclonicjerk said...

I agree with Anon 5:11. She is Xena Warrior Princess.

Mama D said...

Wow. That takes conscientiousness to a whole new (and possibly crazy) level!

Carrie said...

I doubt I would have gone to a drs appointment that day but I delivered my second daughter at our birth center at 6:45 am and we were home by lunch time. Prior to going to the birthcenter I put our Thanksgiving turkey in a brine to soak that day and over night. The next day I hosted Thanksgiving. I did not even bother with going in the birthcenter with my first, I gave birth to her in the parking lot. In that case we did stay 6 hours.

bobbie said...

And your response was...

Mary said...

Some of these stories make me realize how old I am. When I had my second and third sons the doctor told me I could go home right after (I felt fine) but that the baby couldn't leave for 48 hours. I lived 35 miles away and was nursing. I stayed.

Anonymous said...

she would have survived in pioneer times , as would her children (at least 50%).

hospital gift shops are the best! many times managed by volunteer programs: many a christas eve i have (along with my equally dysfunctional , time stressed co workers) spent filling out my list....

Anonymous said...

I was c-sectioned at 36 weeks for preeclampsia- 190/110 on meds and had rapidly packed on 30 lbs of water. I was sick. My epidural failed- too high. I couldn't breathe and had a BP in the 60's but could feel much of the action. 3 hours later I was up walking against med/nursing advice. Compared to how damn sick I was while pregnant, I felt AWESOME. I would have called to reschedule a routine appt tho- docs are terrified to touch the pregnant or recently delivered. "Go to L+D!". But I cut my hand off! "L and D I tell you!!!!"

spectrummom said...

HAHA! Your excuse for missing your appointment (I overslept my nap?!) is INVALID.

MDaisy said...

My doctor would love to have patients like that. I suspect so many patients do not call in advance to cancel leaving an opening.

If more patients were conscientious, such as Mrs. Colostrum, I suspect there would be less double and triple booking.

heterodyne said...

I was home both times within 3 hours after birth. I bet I did look very tired, though ;) And I have to concede I would have cancelled an appointment.

Shocked&Awed said...

As a mother of four, I'm surprised (and envious) that she remembered she had an appointment...
But Dr. Grumpy, did you not notice that she was no longer pregnant?

 
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