Friday, August 19, 2011

Summer Vacation, Day 6

Today we went to the beach. Unfortunately, a bunch of fat, smelly, guys had taken all the good spots:




Eventually we found a spot.

I am not a beach person. I understand that many of you are. My view is more like the Dead Milkmen's "Beach Song".

When I was kid, I loved the beach, but as an adult the sheer logistics of hauling stuff there, setting up umbrellas, keeping sand out of Diet Coke and food, and locating bathrooms without junkies sleeping on the floor, is just a pain in the ass.

We all, I think, have this idyllic view of the beach we WANT to be on, popularized through beer, cruise line, and resort ads: a perfectly smooth white sand beach, devoid of all but a handful of young, attractive people, bright sun, icy buckets of beer, no noise except for the waves and wind.

But the reality is this: A crowded beach filled with large families, each with a loud boombox, all of them setting up giant portable sun patios from Costco, dragging coolers full of who-knows-what back and forth from the parking lot, inebrated college students, screaming toddlers who haven't had their diapers changed in a week, guys with metal detectors walking back & forth, and sand that's chock-full of seaweed, fast-food wrappers, dog shit, chicken bones, cigarette butts, and lost hair clips.

Oh, and a guy wearing a T-shirt that said "Make your tits stop staring at my eyes!"

But the kids liked it. So, as my parents did for me, I did for them.

I want to mention a LegoLand ride I forgot: The Knight's Tournament. Sound's benign, huh? It's actually oddly out-of-place in the glorified kiddyland of Legos.

This is a new generation of emesis-inducing rides. The German robot company KUKA makes giant robot arms to assemble cars, planes, tractors, whatever. And somewhere along the line they realized that people would pay money to have a giant mechanical limb toss them around like a sack of potatoes. They call them "robocoasters", and the arms put you through the same series of twists, turns, loops, and more that a real coaster would. It even comes with 5 levels, so you can pick the intensity of your ride. I recommend 1 if you want to be a bit dizzy, 5 if you want to toss your cookies. Of course, MY kids dragged me on it at level 5, three times in a row (I recommend Youtube if you want to see this thing in action).


Tonight was our last night in San Diego, , so we hung out at the hotel with various relatives, while the kids and their cousins played in the pool with a bunch of other kids. The evening came to an abrupt end when the kids all began screaming and climbing out of the pool. I went over to see if a shark had somehow been airlifted to it. To my horror (hell, EVERYONE'S horror), the scene was reminiscent of Caddyshack: a huge turd was at the bottom of the pool. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't a Baby Ruth.





Thus endeth the San Diego portion of our journey.

24 comments:

Mingle said...

EEEEEEEEEEEEW. I was once one of those kids whose dad had to haul me out of the pool because there was a giant turb at the bottom.

That was the last time we went to that pool.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

An Ignominious ending to a week-long excursion. Don’t ya love it when the kids realize what that is down there ?~!

pharmacy chick said...

maybe it was a 3-muskateers!

Jive Talkin Tool said...

Dr. G, as you are the expert Mongolian yak herder (Neurologist), I'm both amazed and slightly more respectful of your willingness to submit your noggin to such cruelty...three times! I'm more surprised that you didn't crap yourself--well, you could have given that photo you posted.

Simpleton said...

Some people seem dedicated to being complete asswipes (pun intended)and totally, freaking suck.

Anonymous said...

And then did some kid eat it, just like in Caddyshack?

Mrs A said...

Well you have to come to Australia, the beaches here are pristine, no crowds or junkies, unless its Bondi, but here in Queensland its quiet, white sand, and clean! My other half and son are in LA right now, sounds hectic, kinda like Sydney on steroids!

Mrs A said...

oh BTW that esky conversion and driver is from where i live, its been a great joke here, only he got fined $500 and his licence suspended for 9 months, poor bastard! Everyone wants one here!

Anonymous said...

At least it was a sinker and not a floater.

Louise said...

OK, I youtubed Robocoaster. I gotta say, that just looks like Vomit on a Stick.

OldSquid said...

Doodie!

I don't want to be on the beach or pool for that matter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5vEkapEKOM

Mockingbird said...

As the drunk lady in the hotel hottub warned you, sh&t happens.

Anonymous said...

for the 1st pic - are those sea lion? are they dead or just sleeping?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Sea lions, I believe. Just sunning themselves, and sleeping.

Cheryl said...

I've been to that beach. It stinks.
Literally.

Venus said...

Grosssss! Just completely lost my appetite for the gourmet fudge I picked up today. On the other hand, maybe I should take this pic and paste it on the box of fudge to prevent over-indulgence...

C said...

not that I have chit chatting with the pool life guards and reading the sanitary code, but you have to evacuate the pool, vac that thing up, shock it with chlorine, test for coliform....maybe shock it again...could be no pool time for 48 hrs...

Anonymous said...

I bet robocoaster did a better job than hurricane machine for messing up Craig's hair.

Anonymous said...

Forget white sand. The very best sand, powder-soft and non-gritty, and easy to brush off, is the black iron sand which is found down much of the east coast of New Zealand's North Island. Only downside is that at the top of the beach where only the highest tides reach, it gets darned hot to walk on.

gena said...

Actually, all the spotted beach-goers are harbor seals. The other ones are sea lions.

And the candy-surprise at the pool bottom? Ewwwww....

Packer said...

Are you sure you weren't in Ocean City Maryland, whose motto is
"Ocean City a place only a power wash and steam clean away from paradise."

arzt4empfaenger said...

The worst is the slight brown aura that floats around the turd, signaling it's slow yet steady dissolvement into the pool water. Baaaaahh!

Grace said...

Best white sand beach is in Andaman, Thailand. A must go place.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I meant WEST coast of the North Island is where the black iron sand is. Anyway, it is the BEST, softest, sand in the world...as long as you build yourself a little bridge of driftwood to cross that hot, dry sand at the top of the beach.

 
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