Friday, April 22, 2011

Anatomy

Mr. Notochord: "I have all these tumors! Right there, on my back!"

Dr. Grumpy: (examining patient): "Ummm, okay, where?"

Mr. Notochord: "It's a whole row of them! In a straight line, going down the middle of my back! They're really hard when you press on them."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sir, those aren't tumors. It's the vertebral bones of your back."

Mr. Notochord: "That's what all the other doctors say, too! Why doesn't anyone believe me that they're tumors?!!! This is so frustrating!"

35 comments:

Polly said...

Bahahahahahahahaha. Fixed delusions --> send to psych.

Mr Mobius said...

Sounds like a pre-packaged turf to psych.

If turns out he had mets in his spine though, who gets the last laugh?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

He's already had a bone scan from another doc. Negative.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he should be worried about the "tumor" on his shoulders.....

jimbo26 said...

Did he say why he thought they were tumors ?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Because he's convinced himself they are.

Anonymous said...

Phantom spine?

Headstrong said...

I love that you've called him Notochord! Takes me back to devo lectures and our dry, but thoroughly awesome embryologist director...

kate said...

Hypochondriacs are my favorite. I had a lady call me the other day to tell me that her foot fell asleep and after doing some exhaustive research on the internet, diagnosed herself with cataplexy and wanted to know what our doctors planned to do to treat her. Umm...nothing?

Not House said...

"Ive also got this ulceration right in the middle of my abdomen. I think it's probably a sinus tract"

Reddkatz said...

So...he didn't mention the tumor he has on the side of his wrist too?

Officer Cynical said...

I guarantee you he'll be calling the cops next.

Scrub Ninja said...

What do you do with a patient like this? Do you bother spending anyone's time trying to teach anatomy, or do you just refer him to counseling and kick him out?

I mean, it would be awesome if the guy walked out with peace of mind and a wondrous new understanding of the human body, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I tried to reassure him, and showed him pictures of the back, etc.

He didn't believe me.

ERP said...

"Mr Notocord" Lol. Sounds like an "Electric Company" character.

Watercolor said...

Some quack is probably going to do surgery on him just because he will pay for it. sigh. ugh.

terri c said...

When did he first notice the "tumors?" I guess I wonder if he lost a bunch of weight or something and became aware of the bones that of course were always there. I bet he IS frustrated, and I hope he can be helped.

webhill said...

I love your patient names.
Also, this reminds me of my "already seen seven veterinarians and none of them can find a problem but I KNOW my dog is sick so I am here seeing you" lady...

thatsit said...

I feel so smart when I read about your patients Dr. Grumpy. My business college education has been put to good use-common sense, building one genius at a time!

Anonymous said...

Take him to a strip club and let him see that everyone has tumors!

Miri said...

SHUT UP.

Wayne said...

There are none so blind as those who won't see.

Erin, Tech said...

Oh that poor man! It is really hard to go through life like that. When I encounter people like that, I try to remind myself how lucky I am that I have a good brain that works the way it is supposed to, and have a bit of extra patience.

pharmacy chick said...

time to adjust the meds!

pharmacy chick said...

Did you take off your shirt and show him your "tumors" also??
hahahahah

Kookaburra said...

I've got to say, I'm very appreciative of my tumors. Perhaps all he needs to be told is that they are 'good' 'tumors'.

Lois said...

That reminds me of a time, many years ago, when I asked my doctor about a lump I could feel in the left side of my abdomen. He felt around in there with a puzzled look on his face and then said, "It's your aorta!" LOL!

legalalien said...

Technically he's right. Tumours are growths, right? And these have grown. When he was an embryo they didn't exist, and as he became a child, then adolescent they grew: up and out and around. They've even calcified with age.
Best not show him the tumours at his hips, or heaven forbid the one around his brain (possibly)

GB, RN said...

Don't forget...this man also drives a car and votes for our nation's leaders.

Sobering thought!

Anonymous said...

Tumour is latin for swelling so technically, he is correct, those bony lumps are tumours.

The Mother said...

Yeah, but does it hurt behind his eyes when he pees?

Anonymous said...

I remember checking for ticks on my little high-strung 12 lb dog and found 'lumps' (? possibly tumors) on her hips. I asked the vet about them at her next visit--they were fat pads, and she had to go on a diet.

But, unfortunately, that was not the end of the story. Those little fat pads and previous diet had set her up for diabetes. There was a lot of stress in the house, disrupted sleep at night, and I'd not noticed she was going blind until going in the door of the house after an evening walk, she seemed to be exhibiting a strange behavior in 'chasing and jumping' toward something near the front door. After noting the cataracts, I realized she had been looking for the door entrance which she'd previously been able to see.

I took her to the vet early for her yearly shots, and but the diabetes was diagnosed only after excessive drinking.

Overfeeding inadvertently, fat lumps, stress and poor sleep, etc. blindness and diabetes, all hand in hand.

Tee said...

Too many snarky responses. Can.Not.Pick.One.

Val said...

I wonder what he thinks the hard bony ridge is just above his nostrils?
Poor bloke.

Anonymous said...

Tell him those tumours are benign, nothing to worry about unless they start growing or oozing.

 
Locations of visitors to this page