Friday, April 16, 2010

Thursday Weirdness

So yesterday we had 2 (not 1, but 2!!!) calls from people wanting to know what their MRI's showed.

I usually try to keep up on test results, calling patients or bringing them back as soon as we get them. So it surprised me to get 2 in one day. But sometimes things fall through the cracks. I couldn't find their reports, so I asked Annie to track them down.

Guess what? NEITHER OF THESE BOZOS EVEN SHOWED UP FOR THE FUCKING TEST!!!

I'm not making this up. Annie called the MRI places she'd scheduled them with. Both were no-shows.

So she called the patients back. Both were aware that they hadn't had the tests, but thought they'd call us for results "just in case".

(For the record, both of these patients were being seen for back problems. Not memory loss or head injuries. If that was the issue it wouldn't be so shocking, or even blogworthy).

Look, people, here's a tip. The MRI is a VERY GOOD test. My specialty depends heavily on them.

But no matter how good they are, they CANNOT get images of you while you drive by the facility. Or sit at home reading about how horrible they are on bigdavespageofhowanMRImademydickfalloff.com. Or lying on the couch watching TV and eating Fritos.

Thank you.

46 comments:

Albinoblackbear said...

It's so unbelievable I wonder sometimes if people haven't figured out your identity and are posing as patients to create more blog fodder for you. ;)

Because really, that goes beyond ridiculous.

Wow.

Clark Kent's Lunchbox said...

It's that New Age Medicine like in The Bozos Who Stare at Goats.

Anonymous said...

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a couple of real winners here...

Rusty Hoe said...

Proof of what happens when cousins marry.

amy said...

Was one of the clients named Homer Simpson?

Donkaloosa said...

What the fruitbat???? They called to get test results for a test that they didn't have done???? Morons is too good a word for them. You must have the patience of a saint because these people are just asking for you to strangle them. And you know, I don't think any court in the world would convict you --- it would be justifiable homicide for sure!

KarenW said...

Seriously?

I'm with what Albinoblackbear said - it makes you wonder if people are just f'ing with you to give you fodder for this blog.

Shaking head.

The Mother said...

They're making MRIs better all the time. First the "open" MRI. Then the standing MRI.

Seems to me the drive-by MRI is only a few years away.

WarmSocks said...

Both were aware that they hadn't had the tests, but thought they'd call us for results "just in case".

Are you sure you're not making this up? I didn't know it was possible for someone to be that stupid!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

No, I'm not. This one completely stunned Annie and I. To have 2 in one day was even stranger.

Cthulhu Sashimi said...

But didn't I just hear something on talk radio about how the government has secretly put MRI scanners all over the country so it can look into everybody's brains all the time? Very sneaky of you to deny that you have access to this database.

Anonymous said...

Dr G, have you asked your self, what you did in a past life, to attract all these weirdos to your practice?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Many times a day, believe me.

Doris said...

You know, if you wear a tinfoil hat, those drive by MRIs don't work...

Just sayin'

>:p

Celeste said...

What did Annie say to them after they revealed this?

And do you plan to talk to them about why they didn't show up, or why they bothered your staff like that?

Just curious what the consequences (if any) are. Maybe this blog post is the only recourse?

Kat's Kats said...

Ah! Their backs hurt so much that they felt they would be unable to lay on the table to get the MRI! Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Celeste- Annie just tells them we don't have results without tests.

They likely won't return to me. After all, I don't have results to discuss.

Arguing with these people is pointless. As a younger doc I used to try. Now I don't bother.

Queen Silly Britches said...

If nothing else, these kinds of stories are good for a laugh on an otherwise crappy day.

Anonymous said...

Doris- really, in order to block the magnetic fields, you should have a superconducting hat.

donna said...

Twofer Thursday???

donna said...

BTW: Do not know if this is a
site problem, but I have had to
resubmit my comments up to 3x's.
Never asked for me to redo the
WV. Just hitting enter each time
did the trick.

thegooddrlaura said...

This has happened to me plenty of times. I've spent too much time chasing down results (at the request of the patient) for tests they never had done. Dr Grumpy doesn't have especially ridiculous patients. This is just the way people are. Thanks, Grumpy, for sharing our pain with the masses.

Old MD Girl said...

Maybe they don't know what an MRI is?

Or they're morons. Probably that's more likely.

minimedic said...

Damn, y'all caught me! I did this just to screw with Grumpy and his staff. =D

I'm kidding...I wouldn't do that to you. =) Even if I did know who you are.

Perhaps they were afraid of meeting this MRI?

http://failblog.org/2009/08/04/magnetic-resonance-fail/

Helen said...

"bigdavespageofhowanMRImademydickfalloff.com" made me choke on my tea.

The Good Cook said...

You're kidding me right? Please say this isn't so. Please. There are people out there as we speak planning of procreating...

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Good Cook- Sorry, it's true. Scroll up. The Good Dr. Laura backs me up on this.

C. said...

So were the tests results normal ;)

Anonymous said...

LMAO. A million thanks for all the laughs this blog gives.

Big Dave said...

Dude. Stop making fun of my blog. Haven't you heard that the hive-mind knows more than any individual? Srsly. If you don't stop it I'll get lawyered up and sue your ass off so bad you won't be able to find it even with an MRI and a mission statement and then I'll get to start another site called "BigdavespageofhowIsuedDrGrumpysassoff.com."
--Sincerely,
Big "I may have lost my dick but I still have balls" Dave

Flavius said...

Now, you were sure to bill them for this MRI test they didn't have, yes?

-Flavius

Anonymous said...

fraud and malingering have so many facets.

maddmedic said...

Now thats scary.
But working in EMS for as long as I have, it is believable.
Whats really amazing is that we have managed to survive for as long we have. Guess we are making it to tough for Mother Nature to weed out the idjits!!!

Anonymous said...

Dr. Grumpy,

In retrospect, perhaps a more through mental status exam of these two patients would have elucidated their more pressing problem: acortexia

PHDnotMD said...

"Dr Grumpy doesn't have especially ridiculous patients."

What a horrifying thought. If these bozos are on the 'normal' bell curve and not the fringe whackjobs I sincerely wish them to be, we have a real problem.

Faith said...

Hahahahaha!

I actually went for my MRI when it was suggested by the doctor. Shockingly, I wanted to know what was wrong with my head, and figured that'd be a good place to start!

And I found a little devil guy living in my brain. No joke. I have no idea if ALL MRIs of brains look like mine, but it was disconcerting, to say the least. (It sure explains a lot, though.) I have the MRI series w/ the weird image in a PDF, if you wanna see it, Dr. Grumpy. My neurologist at the time didn't give a flying hoot, but then he quit the practice 2 weeks later, so...::shrugs:: I'd love to know WTF it is...

rheumablog said...

Incredible. You and your staff have the patience of saints.
-Wren

Pissed Off Patient said...

Well I guess just because they weren't coming to you for dementia or what-have-you, doesn't mean they didn't have those problems.

With patients like that...

M

Mark p.s.2 said...

Maybe to these people, it's like "You won the lottery!" notice in your email, you didn't enter any lottery yet you won!

"just in case" is totally crazy.

But maybe the thinking is from all the machines we all are forced to interact with. Push "1" for our business hours, push "2" to find out your account balance, etcetra

outre said...

You know.. I used to think the WAIS score was wrong when it charted me to be in the 99th percentile, but reading your blog has made me believe the score wasn't a fluke...

Fizzy said...

Wow, this is the funniest blogger post of the week :) I think people at work are getting sick of me sending them links to your blog entries...

Anonymous said...

Dr. G, if it makes you feel any better...last week my doc ordered some blood work on me, and I called after a few days to get the results. Only partially back. Called back a couple of days later...results still in doc's folder to review. Got a call a few days after that...what really happened is that the nurse forgot to draw enough blood to do both tests, so test #2 never got done. And I'm freaking out the whole time wondering if it's okay to buy green bananas.

Liz said...

Not to be a bummer...but it is actually very uncomfortable ...possibly painful..to lie on a hard MRI slab that they can't put cushions on if it's an MRI of your back...and you have to lie still for at least 20 minutes ...not fun....but I still wouldn't lie about it!

Cogitator said...

Hey Doc, you got the results of my colonoscopy by any chance?

sleepyhead said...

Sounds like my client the other day who was complaining to me (in very heated terms) that her dog's eyes were still red and inflamed after a week. When I asked her if she'd been using the prescribed medication as directed, she replied "No, I didn't pick it up yet." She had no idea why I was staring at her in disbelief.

ERP said...

I wonder if you considered this when you were chosing whether to do Neuro or Superhighpayingspecialityfordoingsmallproceduresology.

 
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