Sunday, April 11, 2010

Stupid toy of the year award

While I was on call today, Mrs. Grumpy took the kids to Humungous House O'Toys. Because the kids had some gift cards they were dying to use.

So what did all 3 of them buy? Out of all the cool stuff at Humungous Toys? Video games? Some awesome electronic flame-throwing robot dinosaur? A really cool Lego set?

Nope. They each wanted a "Perfect Petzzz".

For those of you unfamiliar with this remarkable use of technology, it looks like a sleeping dog or cat. And all it does is "breathe". The abdomen repeatedly deflects in and out by a 1/4 inch to give this amazing impression.

Let's watch!





Impressive, huh? Exciting beyond words, right? What else does it do, you ask?

THAT'S ALL.

It's fixed in that position. The limbs don't move. The eye's don't open. And, under the fake fur, it's hard as a rock. Seriously. You can hammer nails with it.

It looks like it's breathing, but when you pick it up your first impression is that it's in rigor mortis.

Visually, it's cute for all of 5 seconds. And when you find out that the pseudo-breathing is all it does (until the battery runs out) you're absolutely shocked to find your kids got suckered into paying $29.95 for this thing.

And I'm not gonna criticize it anymore, because I can't. Somebody is getting rich off this stupid idea, and I'm on call trying to make a buck. They're obviously WAY ahead of me in laughing all the way to the bank.

29 comments:

Dani said...

At least it doesn't make any noise or anything like that :)... you should be happy that your kids wanted them.

Oh, today when I was driving I saw a license plate that said "GRMPY" on it. I totally thought of you. :)

Li'l Azathoth said...

"The toy you can't wait to get home and put to sleep!"

I'm looking forward to the Saturday morning cartoon tie-in.

Bibliotekaren said...

Clearly your unwillingness to get them that pony has scarred the youngins' to a greater degree than first thought.

Now as to Mrs G, well...

Anonymous said...

So I saw the saint bernard puppy one and it totally reminded me of when I was a kid and had a saint bernard puppy....but you also made me laugh my head off with that.

Thank you.

miss kitten said...

yeahhhh i had one similar to that a few years back. my daughter gave it to me because it scared the hell out of her boyfriend.

so...i put it on the dryer at my house. the dryer, which you TOTALLY had to walk past to get to the master bedroom. i caught my ex several times with that, he thought in dim light that there was a REAL cat lying on the dryer. it was a cheap amusement for me. ;)

Amy said...

Those things are so creepy!

Uro*MA said...

Am i the only one that thinks its creepy? It gives me the heebie jeebies lol

Miss Kismet said...

OMG....a coworker gave me one of these! I was seriously creeped out. It makes a slight noise as the bladder fills and empties....just enough to ramp up the creepy factor. I "lost" the batteries and stuck in in a closet.

Gloria p said...

It's very cute. (Aren't you old enough to remember Pet Rocks, Hello Kitty, and other equally stoopid wastes of money?)

Would you be happier if they'd bought some violent militaristic toy?

Helen said...

It's not just stupid... it's creepy! I wouldn't want to come across it on a midnight trip to the bathroom.

Kim Kasch said...

I think I'll get my dog one of those.

Anonymous said...

Just think of it as an "educational toy". It will teach a lesson that is never forgotten! "Perfect Pet", $29.95. Life lesson: Priceless.

Verification word: Windle (Def: When being swindled turns out to be beneficial in some way.)

WarmSocks said...

First I thought, perfect! A cat with no fur/dander flying around to make everyone's eyes water/noses run, no litter box to clean, no dead mice/moles/rabbits being left on the doorstep... $30 is a bit steep, though. Whew!

Anonymous said...

That's kinda scary. I definitely wouldn't want that in my room at night.

Gen said...

I could MAYBE see this for a child who lives in an apartment where they can't have pets or is perhaps allergic to animals. But, your kids have living, breathing dogs to love and pet.

Don't your dogs sleep? They can watch Snowball snooze for free!

Ellie said...

Hello Kitty in all its variants (did you know that there is Hello Kitty wine? REALLY! http://mwcimporterforhellokittywine.com/ ) is pretty cute, but deadish-looking-but-breathing cats? NO NO NO NO NO.

Have you seen the Zhuzhu pets? Electronic hamsters that run around in mazes (that you buy separately, of course). They're pretty much just interesting wind up toys.

My six year old is really REALLY into sonic the hedgehog right now. Pretty much the only thing that comes with sonic are video games, which cost anywhere from 20-50 bucks a pop. Ouch.

Anonymous said...

Cigarettes sold separately.

David said...

I think it's an interesting concept, but not that well executed (the breathing doesn't involve the whole ribcage, which adds creepiness- somewhat like a pulsing tumor!), and far more promising as decoration or art for adults than as a kid's toy.

More or less random, but I put together my own "toys" from customized Mega Bloks sets, based on a group of characters of mine called the exotroopers. There's one particular specimen that I find just unnerving enough that I won't put it where it's the first thing I see going into a room.

Sasha Khan said...

Being a tinkerer with an ... odd sense of humor, I would probably turn into a Borg kitty, or build it an iron lung...

River said...

It also doesn't shed, eat, poop, or need walking. No flea control. No vet visits and their accompanying bills. It's truly the perfect pet.

Anonymous said...

Probably hit on the head with a crowbar and suffered permanent LOC so the doctor decided to market this animals as pets insted if uthinizing them? He's the one that's been getting rich of these creature of death.

Was nice of you to invite us to help you in solving one of what seems to be one of your biggest medical challanges. I think maybe all doctors should start blogging to allow for collaborative problem solving. Think of what we could cure if we all but are "BRAINS" together Doc Grump!

JS in IL

Anonymous said...

C'mon you lot, it doesn't need feeding, litter doesn't need scooping, and it won't puke on the rug at 6am (my real cat does....). Nor will it incur horrendous vet bills and leave hair all over the place. Hmm.... maybe when my current little fuzzbutt goes over the rainbow bridge (or whatever) I'll get one of these!?

McDuckgaDVM said...

Kinda looks like a flail chest, to me...

ERP said...

Looks like something good for the display window of a store. Why would your kids want that?

Anonymous said...

Ugh, that's like a vet tech nightmare. You're going to the storage freezer to retrieve Mr/Mrs Smith's beloved "Fluffy" so they can bury her in the yard after a long winter. As you pull the black bag out of the freezer and thunk it down on the lid to go prepare the cardboard coffin...what's that... the bag moves. You pause...grab the bag...it breathes. IT BREATHES!!! AAHAHH!!!!!

Well, I guess it could be scarier if the toy was ice-cold. Couldn't the manufacturer at least make it soft? Marginally life-like? Maybe even purr or snore or something to let you know that it's not in a coma. Ick.

Next they should make a "sleeping Grandma" toy where Grandma is curled up on the couch asleep and breathing. Good for deterring burglars, houseguests, and visitors.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

ERP- That's what I keep asking.

Dr Evil said...

Convenience aside,

"... it doesn't need feeding, litter doesn't need scooping, and it won't puke on the rug at 6am... Nor will it incur horrendous vet bills and leave hair all over the place."

I'll take the real deal, thanks.
Here kitty, kitty kitty.

Sassy said...

Dr. G, when your kids get tired of them, send one to me! I can think of a lot of practical jokes I could do with this. It is perfect for the vet clinic that has everthing! (Evil laugh)

Jeni said...

I'm inclined to look at this along the practical side -as several others have done. No vet fees for spaying/claw removal, no continuing bills for cat food and kitty litter, no problem with destruction of furniture, drapes, clothing or risk of accidental scratching of the limbs on kids -or adults -either, ya know. At last, a perfectly "safe" pet for children, maybe?

 
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