Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Just Shoot Me

I had a hospital consult this afternoon, the reason for which was unrelated to the cause of admission.

When I opened the chart, this is the paragraph that greeted me. I present it without further comment, as nothing could be added to make it better (or worse, depending on your point of view).

"History of present illness: This is a 78 year old male who was transferred from Big City Hospital for insurance reasons, due to a vibrating foreign object that has been impacted in his rectum causing anal obstruction. The patient states that he was using the vibrator to 'scratch an itch' around his anus and 'lost control' of it. He states that his internist was unable to remove it, and so he then went to Local Urgent Care Center. They were unable to remove it either, and he left there and went to Big City Hospital. For insurance reasons Big City Hospital has now transferred him here to get it removed."


Rx Intern said...


78 y.o. with a vibrator...why?

Better yet, don't answer that one.

Did all the ER physicians leave that case alone until someone picked it up? Because if they did...haha, they got you good.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Yeah, I'm just glad to be in a field NOT dealing with that part of the body.

When I was in medical school I had to help a surgeon get out an Old Spice bottle. It was NOT fun.

Filet-o-bitch RPh said...

Best items I ever rang out (b/c you know, the pharmacist is also a cashier):

bar of dial soap

big tube of lube

hand held mirror

oh snap!

you rock, dr grump

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Thank you.

That's great. And of course, when it goes bad, it was always an accident of some sort "I was washing, and lost control of the soap".

Anonymous said...

Same general scenario... the surgeon asks the patient, "would you like me to remove that, or just change the batteries?".

Jen said...

People are just beyond odd. I've seen one pt needing surgery to remove an apple & another a lightbulb. What the ??? And why does it always seem to be men?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I probably don't want to try and answer that one, Jen. Anything I say will get me in hot water with somebody.

Tray (The Expert) said...

OK, I can't help it...this is an old post, but a new comment.

I was a 19 year old employee in a TV station (only material because we had some older equipment way back then). One night near sign-off, the production manager comes running in waving a large manila envelope screaming "You guys gotta see this!"

He pulls out an X-ray of the pelvic girdle of a 17 year old male. Directly between the hipbones was a perfect picture of a vacuum tube (used in older electronics) - known as a Compactron - a short (4" long), thick (1.5" diameter)tube.

The manager's wife was an ER nurse. When the kid was brought in by his girlfriend, they said he was constipated and were "trying to loosen things up". Of course, at 17, his parents had to be called.

Too funny.

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