1. My son and daughter-in-law went missing for 30 minutes, but it turned out they'd just stopped at a McDonald's.
2. My son married a Hispanic.
3. My son got lost during a tour of Alcatraz.
4. I was sexually assaulted, again.
5. My brother is brain dead at Downtown Hospital but he's only a little brain dead, not a lot.
6. My son's baby was born critically ill yesterday, but is fine now.
7. My daughter-in-law doesn't like her kids.
8. A bicycle hit my car, and ruined the paint.
9. I have a rectal abscess.
10. CPS took away my grandkids and gave them to the other grandma, and she's trailer trash.
11. I agreed to watch my grandkids, and now my daughter won't take them back.
12. I went to the ER for my headache, but they ran out of pain medicine.