This is Mrs. Grumpy.
So many of you have returned to Douglas C. Kenney Elementary School these days. It certainly keeps me busier, as your friends who are taking Zoom classes don't get sent to the nurse for itches, life-threatening pencil pokes, and sundry ailments that just happen to coincide with a math test.
I'd like to thank all the parents who filled out your information cards with such helpful items as "he's allergic to something, don't let him have any," a reminder not to give your child "stuff that might not be organic," and (my favorite) "do NOT allow her to get COVID!!!" Please keep in mind that I'm not the one who voluntarily sent your kid back to what is basically a 95,000 square foot fomite.
I'd also like to make a public service announcement: As you know, me and a handful of teachers have been assigned to screen you little darlings for fevers each morning, pointing that laser scanner at your forehead before you go inside.
It certainly alarmed us when we found large numbers of you were running fevers when you got off the bus. Not just fevers, actually, but temperatures in the 120 degree range. Which are, quite frankly, incompatible with human life.
Fortunately, Maxine, the lady who's been driving school buses since they were pulled by horses, called me onto the bus to see the discarded hand warmers from the camping supply store, which you frauds adorable children had been pressing to your foreheads and passing around.
As always, nice try. Now go to class.
11 comments:
Resourceful little ones, and I see skipping school hasn't changed since I was a student in the 60's and 70's.
I did not see that coming but boy did it make me laugh. Good thing it was 120 degrees and not something lower that would have caused mass panic. :O
Smart kids. Sly, and deceitful, but smart kids. They will get the 120 degree thing solved soon (Maybe bring their own thermometer on the bus to see if all well before getting into line?)
Makes drinking hot water 20 minutes before telling my mom, "I don't feel well" look lame.
That's a good one, quite clever for elementary school. Perhaps their parents should be notified of their high temperatures. Or better yet, stuff all the kids with the super high temps into an off-duty ambulance and start the siren to see some amazing recoveries.
Having a flashback to the movie ET, that scene where Elliott puts the thermometer against the lightbulb so that he can fool his mother into thinking he has a fever. It worked for him! LOL.
Good to hear from you again, Ms. G. I'd been wondering how you were coping in your professional capacity with the pandemic, and I'm reassured to hear that you've got everything under your usual snarky control.
Ol' Doug Kenney would be proud of the students at "his" school.
Subject them to a COVID-19 test. From what I heard, the test isn't a pleasant experience.
PS: You and your son should have their own blogs. Would be nice to hear some more stories every now and then.
Over the summer, I was blasting car AC in my sweaty face just before going through the portal at the medical plaza, and the thing read 92, the nurse never gave it a second thought until I asked her if I was still alive
Doug Kenney.
There's a name I haven't heard in a long, long time.
These are children who are obviously too smart for skool.
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