Monday, March 2, 2020

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From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters bring you the stories that shape your world.

DATELINE: Scotland

Matthew Davies, age 47, failed in his attempt to rob a Bank of Scotland office in Dunfermline.

Armed with a meat cleaver (which he'd hidden inside a pillow case) Mr. Davies approached the counter, pulled out the meat clever, and demanded money.

At that point he cleverly tried to conceal his identity by pulling the pillow case over his head.

Unfortunately, Mr. Davies had forgotten to cut eye holes in his disguise, and therefore now he couldn't see. So he removed the pillow case allowing the teller, and cameras, to get a good look at him as he brandished the cleaver.

He escaped with almost £2,000, then walked home, followed by a witness. On the way he stopped to briefly play with someone's dog before going upstairs to his apartment. Which is where police arrested him a short time later.

In a moment of understatement, his defense attorney said his robbery plan was "one that, when looked at objectively, was unlikely ever to go successfully."

Mr. Davies pleaded guilty and has been sentenced to 4 and 1/2 years behind bars.

It's unknown if the dog will be allowed to visit him.


Anonymous said...

At 47, it's almost as if he's looking for a purpose in life inside a prison. i hope that he doesn't get mixed in with the hardcore.

Anonymous said...

In other news, a flat-earther really wanted to see if the Earth was round died when his homemade rocket crashed.

G. Stockton Powell said...

"Is this a meat cleaver which I see before me,
This handle toward my hand? Come, let me take thee out of thy pillowcase and clutch thee."

Shash said...

G. Stockton Powell for the win.

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