Monday, March 9, 2020

Wednesday morning

Dr. Grumpy: "The next step will be..."

(Mrs. Paper digs through her purse and hands me a post-it note with a name and phone number on it).

Mrs. Paper: "I'd like you to call that doctor to update them on my case."

Dr. Grumpy: "Um... is this your internist?"

Mrs. Paper: "No, she's a specialist in the condition I think I have. I want you to coordinate my care with her."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay. I've just never heard the name."

Mrs. Paper: "She doesn't practice here. She's the chair of neurology at Ivory Tower Hospital in Farfaraway."

Dr. Grumpy: "Does she know you? Have you seen her as a patient?"

Mrs. Paper: "No, but I saw her interviewed on TV this morning and she seemed to be pretty smart."

Dr. Grumpy: "I..."

Mrs. Paper: "Why aren't you calling? I think you should have her on speaker phone for my visit today."

Dr. Grumpy: "Look, in all fairness, I'm not going to call a doctor who's never seen you, who doesn't know me, who's in another state, at the drop of a hat. This person is likely very busy. If you want to set up a second opinion appointment with them and have me send records, that's different."

Long pause

Mrs. Paper: "You realize I'm going to have to mention your unhelpful attitude in a Yelp review."


tbd88 said...

Oh no! Not the negative Yelp review! ANYTHING but that!

Mad Jack said...

I'll pay $50 to be a fly on the wall.

Mrs. Paper: "Why aren't you calling? I think you should have her on speaker phone for my visit today."

The Mad Doctor Racham: "I understand completely. The way this works is that Dr. Brilliance of Ivory Tower Medical automatically gets information about cases like yours, and evaluates the case along with the recommended treatment. When she sees something she thinks is questionable or unusual in any way, she relates her advice to the patient, who then relates it to me. That way her time is maximized, and as we all know, time is money. If I hear from her, you'll be getting an invoice in 90 days or so. Otherwise, you have nothing to worry about."

jbt369 said...

I don't know enough about neurological conditions to riff on this, but I think I'd love to read the Yelp reviews written by people with neurological conditions.

Brent said...

I don't always need to see a specialist,

but when I do,

I totally depend on that Yelp review above ALL else in making my decision!

Anonymous said...

Husband starts to have chest pain. I call an ambulance. After calling 911 I pull up a google search to check Yelp reviews before deciding on which hospital I will request. Might as well have his taken somewhere near a good coffee shop. Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Along with half a million dollar grant to study the effects ... am wondering if any neurological studies have received research funding for the correlation between outcome of brain transplants and Yelp review. I just might read the whole article as published in an expose by the Enquirer.

G. Stockton Powell said...

"Just as soon as I finish the third and final volume of my magnum opus- my zero-star Yelp review of Alain Ducasse for refusing to cater my dog's birthday party.."

Anonymous said...

And, if there's one thing we've all learned, it's that you should always put your trust in people who seem to be pretty smart on TV.

Anonymous said...

"I mean, this woman was amazing. She guessed almost every single answer correctly, and only had to buy four vowels the entire show."

Packer said...

It is coming into focus , slowly but surely. I am beginning to see the reason for the rush on bottled water.

Aspiritualjunkie said...

What a sense of entitlement! You handled it correctly and got straight to the point, well done.

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