Monday, October 12, 2015


This is Craig Grumpy.

This past summer I worked at Drench & Drown water park's snackbar.

As you may have noticed, Coke had their promotion "Share a Coke with..." back in full swing again. This summer, instead of names like "Lucy" or "Ricky" the cans suggested you share a Coke with "your sweetheart" or "your better half" or "a favorite."

One afternoon Dick McJackass, the local high school delinquent, walked into the snack bar like he was walking onto a yacht, and bought a Coke. I grabbed the first one off the shelf, handed it to him, and moved on to the next person.

A few minutes later he was back. He shoved the person who I was serving out of the way, slammed the open can down on the counter, and began yelling.

Dick McJackass: "What is this?"

Craig: "Uh, it's the Coke you just bought."

Dick McJackass: "I KNOW THAT! Are you calling me a girl?"

Craig: "No, I'm helping this lady. You just bought a Coke."

Dick McJackass: "The can says 'Share a Coke with a Sis!' Do I look like a sis to you?"

Craig: "No. I just handed you the next can in the pack. It doesn't mean anything."

Dick McJackass: "Bullshit. I don't even have a sister. I want my money back, and a new Coke."

Craig: "I'm not allowed to do that. You already opened it."

Dick McJackass: "I want to talk to your boss."

Mr. Incharge: "I'm right over here, Dick. You can't have a new Coke or a refund. Get lost."

Dick McJackass: "Your counter help insults me and you support him treating a customer like that? You need to do something about that."

Mr. Incharge: "Okay. Let me see your pass for the day."

Dick McJackass: "Here."

Mr. Incharge: "Thanks. Get out of the park, your pass expired." (tears pass to shreds).

Dick McJackass: "You can't do that!"

Mr. Incharge: "I just did. You better call your mom for a ride home. If you don't, I will."

Dick didn't come back the rest of the Summer. It was awesome.


a.generic doc said...

If only it was that easy to get rid of McJackass patients.

Roni said...

OUTSTANDING!!! Nothing worse than a bully. Kudos to your boss for having your back!

Caillin said...

Reminds me of a lethal weapon scene
(Note there is blood, violence, and someone getting shot).

The Bus Driver said...

nicely done

Anonymous said...

Dick McJackass


Anonymous said...

Standing ovation!

Anonymous said...

Cool bosses are the best!

bobbie said...

Three cheers for you and your boss, Craig ~ bullies should NEVER be tolerated!

Anonymous said...

Amazing. Bravo. It's amazing when someone in charge is mature enough to do be able to do the right thing. Someone taught more than one lesson this day and it would be nice to know that more than one person learned something valuable from this experience. You go, Craig!

In the best style of the Mouse King (the Nutcracker and the Mouse King...the Mouse King?), well maybe, Don Quixote and Sancho Panza (hmm, Don Quixote??), Tonto and the Lone Ranger, or King Arthur and Sir Lancelot du Lac in Camelot. (?) Or, I give up, ? Owen and Duncan?

Ms. Donna said...

YEA Mr. Incharge!

Anonymous said...

That is my new name for idiots........."Dick McJackass." Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Everyone who's ever worked food service or retail is cheering. Hooray for your manager.

fposte said...

I bet he thought that pop was about him.

gloriap said...

Nice writing, Craig. Are you planning to be a neurologist?

Anonymous said...

It's good to have a boss who'll back you up against jackass customers. Far too many will bend like their spines are made of soggy spaghetti.

Packer said...

Sow how are the karate lessons coming ? I always enjoyed bullied because I was of a type that they loved to pick on without mercy, but I also had an older brother and his friends who had turned me into a very tough---not mean---kid. Surprise surprise.

Jono said...

Everyone should have a boss like that!

Moose said...

Geez. There's nothing worse than a Dick who is so vain. I bet he thinks this story is about him.

Anonymous said...

Moose -- exactly what I was thinking. Who knew Craig was a Carly Simon fan?

Oldfoolrn said...

Great job Craig. Have you considered taking up psychiatry?

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