Friday, July 27, 2012
Patient quote of the day
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Magic
Mrs. Pound: "I don't know... I don't have a scale at home."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, then let's go over to the scale. I need to know what your weight is on the drug."
Mrs. Pound: "No, you don't need to."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, I do."
Mrs. Pound: "No, I'm not going to. A good doctor should be able to tell my weight just by looking at me."
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Drug rep swag
However, my colleagues in non-human medical fields are exempt. So veterinarians still get their bountiful, yet bizarre gifts. My colleague Webhill recently received this gem, which she kindly sent:
What the hell is that? A rubber cat? A hurkle? (no, wait, it has 4 legs, not 6) A Pokemon?
Nope. It's a flash drive.
Because, let's face it. Nothing could ever make your day like having someone ask, "Hey, doc, why do you have a blue cat's butt sticking out of your computer?"
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Odd numbers
Mrs. Trilateral: "My Mom has had breast cancer 3 times, once on each side."
Monday, July 23, 2012
Heroism
I go flying down the hall.
Dr. Grumpy: "Craig! Are you okay?!!! What's wrong?!!!"
Craig: "THERE'S A LIZARD ON MY WALL!!!"
Dr. Grumpy: "That? For crap's sake, Craig, it's 2 inches long. They eat bugs. It's not going to hurt you."
Craig: "IT COULD CLIMB UP TO THE CEILING AND GET OVER MY BED AND DROP ON TOP OF ME AND CRAWL IN MY MOUTH AND I COULD CHOKE AND IT WOULD KILL ME IN MY SLEEP!!!"
So, in order to protect my children from a dangerous, potentially-lethal, 2-inch-long bug-eating lizard, I got a yardstick and tupperware container, and gently captured the menacing beast.
It's now out in the yard, where the bug hunting is likely better, anyway.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Sunday re-runs
So last night I was doing a phone interview with one, and was asked this great question:
"Doctor, have any of your patients ever stopped taking their Alzheimer's medication due to death?"
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Random Saturday pictures
First off, we have this:
Because nothing says "handmade by skilled craftsmen" more than prepackaged pizza dough in a plastic tube, made by a huge food conglomerate, and stacked en masse on shelves in every grocery store in North America.
Next is this picture, taken on approaching Atlantic City. Where, apparently, the casino buildings are always standing erect and ready.
Back to the artisanal crap, we have this generic package from a generic warehouse club, where they apparently can't decide if their generic cookie of the month is blueberry, cranberry, or macadamia. Unless it has all three.
And then there's Australia, where you can build an entire pharmacy from artisanal components!
And lastly, we have this non-artisanal, but remarkably bad, juxtaposition of news headlines:
Friday, July 20, 2012
Friday whatever
Dr. Grumpy: "You mean erratic?"
Mr. Webster: "Whatever."
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Assumptions
Mrs. Ink: "Yes. I don't like having to fill out these forms with a pen tied to the clipboard."
Mary: "I'm sorry, but before we started tying them on we were losing 2-3 pens a day. That adds up."
Mrs. Ink: "Ridiculous. You get pens for free from drug companies, anyway."
Mary: "We used to, but that was banned effective January 1, 2009. So now we buy our own office supplies like everyone else."
Mrs. Ink: "Everyone knows doctors are rich. I can't believe your cheap boss just doesn't buy more pens."
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The evening news
1. Sometimes you may be better off to just stay in jail.
2. I don't know what to say.
Why? Why? Why?
Mr. Colloid: "Fine, except this morning I was hacking up some seriously disgusting greenish-black caked mucus gunk."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry."
Mr. Colloid: "Here's a picture of it."
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Steve Austin. Asstronaut. A man barely able to sit comfortably.
And, most importantly, the world's first BIONIC BUTTOCKS!
Thank you, SMOD!
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