Friday, March 23, 2018

Breaking news!

From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack reporters bring you the stories that shape our world.


A teenage girl failed her driving test in spectacular fashion this week.

Photo: Buffalo, MN Police Department.

At the beginning of her driver's license behind-the-wheel exam, she put the test car into drive instead of reverse, jumping onto the sidewalk and plowing through the front of the building.

The same building where the office to take the driving exam was located.

No one, fortunately, was seriously injured.


Christopher McDowell walked into the local police headquarters and asked if someone could give him a ride home.

Police officers quickly noticed that Mr. McDowell was:

1. Drunk (at least he wasn't driving, though. Good boy!)
2. The guy who was wanted for shoplifting and fraudulent returns at Kohl's.

He was taken into custody, charged with shoplifting, and released on bond.

Afterwards he was allowed to call for a ride home, and contacted his friend April Wright.

When she arrived to pick him up, police noticed Ms. Wright was the other person wanted for the same shoplifting crime at Kohl's.

She was then also arrested, charged with shoplifting, and released on bond.

The article doesn't say if she got to drive them both home afterwards.


Visitors to The Dinosaur Experience got more than their money's worth when the attraction's animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex suddenly burst into flames.

Photo: Royal Gorge Dinosaur Experience.

When the fire, caused by an electrical short, started it appeared Mr. Rex had suddenly become Godzilla and was breathing fire. It quickly became apparent that something more was afoot.

The blaze was safely contained, and no one was injured. The owners report that a new Tyrannosaurus should be ready by summer.


Two men were arrested following the burglary of a home. They tried to cover up the crime by burning down the house with Ragu-brand tomato sauce.

The owner of the home received a text that his alarm had gone off while he was at work, and called police.

Officers arrested the two men at the scene. They'd left a pot of the pasta sauce on the stove with a washcloth, hoping to burn down the house and make it look like an accidental fire.

Besides stolen items, the men also had an empty jar of Ragu in their car.

For unknown reasons, one of the suspects was wearing a bull-costume onesie when arrested.


Packer said...

More Florida Man stories please. My brother in law retired there I expect to see one about him soon.

Anonymous said...

Packer, check out dateline: Florida. No bull, but can you be 100 percent certain that it was NOT your BIL caught with the Ragu jar and wearing the bull onsie?

Anonymous said...

How fast was she going when she put the vehicle in drive? That wall looks pretty crumbled.

Some put a more thought into their crimes ... was it a red bull onesie is what I'd like to know.

Shash said...

I wonder what the T-Rex ate that gave him so much hot gas.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of this one:

Mage said...

I'm laughing.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow.

Anonymous said...

I know Ragu is terrible, but is it combustible?? Perhaps an experiment is in order..........

tbunni said...

I've been trying for years to figure out what it is about Florida that makes so many of its' inhabitants batshit crazy. Is it the heat? the humidity? the elderly population? (although to be fair, most of the perps don't seem to be elderly) Is it the vast amount of cocaine that was funneled thought there in the 80's and 90's (and still may be for all I know)? Whatever it is, Florida is truly a vast natural wonderland, to be preserved and observed, preferably from afar.

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