Friday, March 9, 2018

Breaking news!

From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack reporters bring you the stories that shape our world.


A man and woman fleeing police officers attempted to escape by climbing a fence into a parking lot.

Unfortunately for them, the lot they chose was the secure one for the local police station, where several officers were conducting a training exercise.

Video surveillance shows the subjects somehow missing a large sign on the fence that said "POLICE DEPARTMENT."

Both were taken into custody.


From the "Bitcoin is so 2017" files...

In a sticky situation involving political donations, a local candidate has received several donations in... deer semen.

Yeah, you read that right. Frozen straws of deer jizz are worth big bucks, and are being sold and auctioned off at fundraisers. How you might explain coming home with frozen deer cum, as opposed to a cap with a political slogan on it, to your spouse is beyond me.

An attorney they interviewed for the story is named, I swear, Buck Wood.

Regrettably, the recipient of the donations isn't named Jane Doe, or even Bambi.

And here are some other interesting things seen in the news recently:

From the "who wrote the headline?" department:

Next, from the "I failed zoology" office:

And finally, we can only say, "I bet he did."


Mage said...

OKOK< I'm laughing.

Packer said...

Coals to Newcastle is the theme of #1

True stories are always the best

Anonymous said...

Well, they said they remove bees, and I don't see any bees there, so I guess they must be doing a good job.

Anonymous said...

And they have the deer semen-stained leotards to prove it.

Anonymous said...

The most amazing part is that he managed to drive from San Francisco to Santa Clara during rush hour in under two hours.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I know we're all supposed to be laughing at the inept fugitives, but what kind of police department has a "secure" parking lot with a fence that two idiots can just climb over?

felixkasza said...

Bambi? I do wonder how you propose to use those frozen straw things on Bambi – isn't he a boy deer?

Anonymous said...

I'll bet the deer semen story is from somewhere near Indiana. The IndyStar detailed how politicians of a similar persuasion like to take their shotguns to special enclosed deer shooting parks and shoot 'em up between rounds of golf and tequila. The deer are bred to have quite complex antler arrangements (which does nothing for the other genes in the pool); the more the 'tips' the more the bragging rights, it seems.

Sparrow said...

A+ Bee Removal Company
They even remove the bees from their ads!
That's dedication.

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