Thursday, March 9, 2017

Mary's desk

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Mrs. Osseous: "I have a skin tag on my forehead, and need to have it removed."

Mary: "I'm sorry, Dr. Grumpy doesn't do that sort of thing."

Mrs. Osseous: "But it's on my forehead? That's near my brain, isn't it? And he's a brain doctor!"

Mary: "Yes, but he doesn't do procedures like this. Why don't you ask your internist for..."

Mrs. Osseous: "I did. She told me to see a plastic surgeon, but when I called none of them take insurance, and only wanted to talk about fixing my boobs."

Mary: "Have you tried a dermatologist?"

Mrs. Osseous: "They're booked out for a month, and I'm tired of looking at this thing in the mirror after 10 years. I want it off NOW! Can you ask Dr. Grumpy to make an exception?"

Mary: "This just isn't what he does, or can help you with."

Mrs. Osseous: "Even if it's near my brain, just on the other side of my skull?"

Mary: "That's not his field."

Mrs. Osseous: "You people are worthless."

15 comments:

Diane P. said...

Maybe she could see an opthalmologist. It's probably right above one of her eyes. Or an ENT doctor if it's above her nose.

Kassy said...

At $83.35 for removal of 1-15 skin tags(whether you remove 1 or 15 get paid the same), removal of a single skin tag(about 2 minutes doctor's work total including the documentation) this is probably the single most lucrative thing I do($2500.50/hr).

Now if you do 15 for the exact same pay then it gets a little less lucrative.

Yes, that is correct. CMS truly believes that doing something 15 times instead of 1 is worth 0 more dollars.

For comparison, taking care of a patient in the ICU, on the ventilator on 2 pressors, 3 antibiotics, 3 other drips, who has a family who wants to spend 60 minutes every day discussing every single lab and brings in articles everyday about diseases that their loved one doesn't have pays $263.98. Yep, that's right. 10 times less roughly.

Anonymous said...

"Push it through, and if you get it on the inside, he'll take care of it"

Officer Cynical said...

"See that little pair of scissors on the parting gift Dr. Snip gave your husband?"

Mary Kilroy said...

How about dandruff. Can you help me with that?

clairesmum said...

now if she were looking for a brain biopsy, Dr Grumpy would be just the yak herder for the job! not sure he would be able to find a sufficient sample of tissue, tho.

bobbie said...

Great one, Officer Cynical!!!

Jono said...

I'm going bald, but I think my hair is growing on the inside instead of the outside. Can you fix that?

Anonymous said...

To me, it really sounds like there is something wrong with her brain after all...

Packer said...

DIY Network for some tips

Hey Mary stop opening the door. it is near my brain, well yes---- the door was opened. Better you say call Dr. Pissy.

Anonymous said...

I just like how it suddenly an emergency after 10 years. Like back pain with no change X 3 months in the ER at 4am...

Anonymous said...

"We may be worthless, but at least we don't have to see some big ugly skin tag on our face every time we look in the mirror. Nyah nyah."

evodevo said...

I think Anonymous at 6:09 won the internets today ...

Anonymous said...

"Have you thought of calling a proctologist?"

gloriap said...

I know you do colonoscopies, but I have this toothache I need you to fix.

 
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